The S word...

[Crispie]

Just for fun, and cause I'm new to homeschooling...how do you respond to the socialization questions? I haven't had anyone give me real guff about it yet, and we haven't been out alot other than a grocery store trip or two in the day...From what I hear, people can get downright hostile over it. I've had a couple honestly curious questions, and a conversation followed where we talked about how I didn't move under a rock and he gets socialization from all ages of people and from kids his age at parks, and his Karate classes. I like that it's real world application. He's going to have daily visits to the store to deal with people like cashiers and such as he grows, life in the grown up world is not all balls and tag and flirty kiss games at recess. If that makes sense? (At the same time I do want other kid interaction so he has fun classes and park days with other kids.)

I recently got an email from a local homeschool group that a mom says "we are sure to give our kid public school socialization, tuesdays and thursdays are swirly days, mon and wed are wedgy days and fridays we find a locker to stuff our kid in." or something like that. I thought it was kinda cute and really true. I wasn't happy with how he was being socialized. That's part of the reason I pulled him from public schooling....

Anyway...
Just curious what you normally say when people ask?

[Callimom]

It depends on who is asking and how. If the inquisitor is clearly meaning to be intrusive and argumentative, I usually start by clarifying for them the distinction between socialization and socializing and why, culturally, socialization is better done adult to child than child to child which is more often the case now. The length and level of my answer depends on how annoying the question is. If their eyes haven't glazed over I do the run down of the list of activities my kids are involved in and the depth of their connection to their community, the opportunities available through our homeschool group, the way our co-op is structured etc. Basically my goal is to bore them to tears so much so that they will never ask another homeschooler the same question again. I have only had one person get snarky with me - it was a grandmother in the library - and basically she was so dumbfounded by the idea that I wanted to be w my kids and thought I was "good enough" to homeschool better than teachers that I shut down the conversation.

If it is casual, friendly conversation with no ill intention, I usually give a short list of some of them things my kids do in a typical week and then turn the question back to them, their kids, the weather etc.

I have a couple of snarky answers but have never had the need to use them. Most people, IME, are either genuinely curious and want to know more, or feel some kind of responsibility to check in to see if we have thought of everything - lol - and they stop talking once they hear a reasonable answer.

[Momma Aimee]

Depends:

1. who is asking and how much you care about that person

2. what DO you do for socialzation

for us -- who intentionally choose our children not be peer socialized (horzontal socialzations) we choose that they be in vertial socialzation situtations .. with adults, family or trusted adults. So for us we specfically do not want them in large peer groups with limited adults.

But how i reply is differnt in each setting / with each person.

BIL told me "homeschooled kids are werid" (he is a HS teacher) I told him "I know a ton of werid kids and teachers in the public schools" i poulled it off joking, but he knew i was POed and that I wasn't gonna put up with it.

my Mom asks about it and I go into detail talking about vertial vs horzotal soical situations, i talk about not requireing the boys to make good choices on their own till they are able to do so, i talk about the dager of peer pressure, I talk about what we do DO like SUnday School and playdates with homeschooling families with various aged kids and so on .....

[PGTlatte]

I truthfully say that we have plenty of opportunities to do things with other homeschoolers during the day - the trick is to not over schedule ourselves so that we have enough time at home to get lessons done.

If it is someone who is giving me a hard time about how "they need to be with kids their own age every day", I point out how much our kids enjoy being in a group of mixed ages, and they are both happy that some days we stay home by ourselves with no place to go.

If it is someone who is giving me a hard time about how "they need time away from you, and to take direction from other adults", I share that they have both been taking classes and doing activities without me since age three, and neither of them has yet expressed a desire to be away from me for an entire day.

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

The length and level of my answer depends on how annoying the question is. If their eyes haven't glazed over I do the run down of the list of activities my kids are involved in and the depth of their connection to their community, the opportunities available through our homeschool group, the way our co-op is structured etc. Basically my goal is to bore them to tears so much so that they will never ask another homeschooler the same question again.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

I Basically my goal is to bore them to tears so much so that they will never ask another homeschooler the same question again. I have only had one person get snarky with me - it was a grandmother in the library - and basically she was so dumbfounded by the idea that I wanted to be w my kids and thought I was "good enough" to homeschool better than teachers that I shut down the conversation.

I think I you. EPIC strategy. BOO to the snarky old bat at the library. WHy on earth can't people just butt out and worry about themselves for goodness sake?????

[Momma Aimee]

I love this:

Karenwith4
The length and level of my answer depends on how annoying the question is. If their eyes haven't glazed over I do the run down of the list of activities my kids are involved in and the depth of their connection to their community, the opportunities available through our homeschool group, the way our co-op is structured etc. Basically my goal is to bore them to tears so much so that they will never ask another homeschooler the same question again.

that is kinda my approach to all questions -- family bed, homeschool, EBF .. i jsut flood them with data and talk and talk and act like they are my new bestfreind and i canb't wait to talk all about it .... if nothing else it makes it more fun for ME

[Ruthiegirl]

I shrug and let the moment pass. I just don't have the time and energy to deal with people who question homeschooling.

[Roar]

I would suggest adopting a positive attitude. Don't assume people will say something negative because if you start from that mindset you are much more likely to read something negative into what are really neutral questions and comments. We've homeschooled from K-12 and I can think of maybe twice someone has said something bordering on negative and that is far outweighed by the many positive comments we receive.

The most typical exchanges we have go something like this.

Cashier "off school today?"
Kid "No, I'm homeschooled"
Cashier to kid "aren't you lucky"
Cashier to mom "my cousin/sister/neighbor homeschools too."

Or there's always this one:
Random stranger "oh, I could never homeschool"
Me: "It isn't for everyone, for sure but it has worked out great for our family"

[hipumpkins]

"are you worried about socialization?"
ME: "No they play with lots of kids and take classes like ice skating and music"
Stranger: "Oh ok"
The end

Only once has someone (Not including my ILs who are very against this) actually huffed and walked away. I don't even really know why. It was like they thought they I was going to say, "OMG! I hadn't even considered that . Thank goodness you mentioned it b/c no one ever does. "

[LukesMum]

I get this all the time!! We arein a small International School, for now, because we are in Germany for a few years,. I get daily reports from my kids about exclusion, other kids laughing at them, my 1st graders getting feeling hurt. I hear from the school counselor and the learning support guy that it is so important for kids to learn to deal with all kinds of people, dealing with all kinds of social situtations, etc. My 10 year old has "toughened up " a bit, and I can see that in many ways it has been good for him, but overall there is so much crap that goes on that I dont see how the good outweighs the negative. Even in a small very nice school. WE are looking forward to or next move!

[Savoir Faire]

If someone tried to pull the "socialization" question while my two children were running around, playing with friends, I'd have to laugh.

My kids are plenty socialized.

Actually, when people seem surprised that we homeschool, I usually just say "yup, we're just a household of unsocialized freaks." I mean...what can they say to that?

I'll answer questions if I think the asker is sincere and would really like to learn, but if they just want to play "what if, what about," they usually get a runaround non-answer.

Usually, you can tell, however, what's going to happen. If you ask and then I give an answer, and then you KEEP on going (what about standardized tests? how do you know they're doing okay? What if they never learn to read? blah blah blah), I try to steer the conversation somewhere else, quick.

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by Roar

I would suggest adopting a positive attitude. Don't assume people will say something negative because if you start from that mindset you are much more likely to read something negative into what are really neutral questions and comments. We've homeschooled from K-12 and I can think of maybe twice someone has said something bordering on negative and that is far outweighed by the many positive comments we receive.

The most typical exchanges we have go something like this.

Cashier "off school today?"
Kid "No, I'm homeschooled"
Cashier to kid "aren't you lucky"
Cashier to mom "my cousin/sister/neighbor homeschools too."

Or there's always this one:
Random stranger "oh, I could never homeschool"
Me: "It isn't for everyone, for sure but it has worked out great for our family"

YTT

I respon d like i am assumjeing a postive -- even if i know they are not bign positicve (my BIL or SIL). but i act like they are and repl;y with a ton of -- it defuses the fight and might just educate them.

[craft_media_hero]

I blow it off. It hasn't come up much.

If someone really dug, I would mention how well-behaved my six year old is, how we are able to take her to all kinds of "non-kid" venues and she is well-mannered and acts appropriate to circumstance. I would mention how she doesn't shy away at all when around other kids but joins in immediately, how she easily makes friends at the playground or the library, how she's nurturing with children who are younger than her and can play well with kids who are older, too--how socialization is not just, can you sit in a row quietly with only other children your age, but can you act appropriately amongst diverse people in diverse circumstances? Which is something that I believe a lot of schooled kids may be missing out on---have you ever noticed how creepy it is to never see kids at a coffee shop or elsewhere between the hours of 7 and 3? I don't like it!

I would say, the proof is in the pudding, my kid is awesome

If pushed or feeling ranty, I might go into all of the negative socialization that she's not being exposed to, such as how (esp. for girls) attacking oneself with low self-esteem is "cool", shunning people who are different, or excluding younger kids as "babies". I would talk about how beautiful it is to see my six-almost-seven year old wildly excited about making dirt cakes and not scoffing at stuff like this as "childish", an attitude that gets picked up fast, I believe, in the school system.

[craft_media_hero]

Originally Posted by Momma Aimee

I love this:

that is kinda my approach to all questions -- family bed, homeschool, EBF .. i jsut flood them with data and talk and talk and act like they are my new bestfreind and i canb't wait to talk all about it .... if nothing else it makes it more fun for ME

This cracks me up, mommas! I'm glad you are out there towing the line for us---I've never felt comfortable citing all the studies and going in depth to justify/defend, but I really like that you two are taking the "bore them to tears so they never bother another homeschooler" approach! Thank you!

[MrsJewelsRae]

I've had a few run ins with anti homeschoolers. My MIL and FIL used to be on that list, but we've been slowly winning them over. I once had a lady ask my ds which school he goes to and when he replied he was homeschooled she went "awww, that sucks" as if she felt really sorry for him. Had a few ignorant people try to offer advice on what I should teach and how I should organize and manage my time- from people who have never hs. whatever!

But a few weeks ago I was confronted by one of the most rude anit homeschool rants ever! My kids and I were visiting MIL and FIL, MILs younger sister was visiting. She has 6 kids, the youngest is only 9. She asks my ds what grade he's in and he says he's sort of grade 2 and 3 and he's homeschooled (he's advanced in math and reading). She lit into me about making sure I get him properly socialized, hopes I'm very actively involved in groups and activities so he has a chance to be normal. She barely let me get a word in edge wise for a few minutes and when she did I laughed at her obvious ignorance and replied "you do realize that we homeschoolers call the 'socialization' issue the 'S' word? and it's a myth that we laugh about?" She said she prayerfully considered homeschooling but decided she just couldn't do that to her child and he was going to make friends somewhere, you can't raise them in a box, blah blah blah. I wanted to say "better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" But it was MIL's sister so I was trying to be polite, though she certainly didn't offer me the same. Not only did she basically tell me I was wrong to homeschool but I was also homeschooling wrong!! It was actually pretty funny tbh. What was awesome about it though was that my formerly anti hs MIL turned on her and told her about how hs is becoming a lot more mainstream and there are so many resources available nowadays and how public schools are only getting worse. She couldn't sit by and listen to her amazing and talented grandchildren be maligned- hey the proof is in the pudding!! My kids are freakin' awesome!

Public school systems do not give enough room for differences of personality. The shy spirit is wrong and told to conform. The boisterous are glued to a seat and given drugs to conform to the "norm". I want my kids to be who they are, not what some public school thinks they should be. Furthermore, they are socialized- just differently. They have plenty of friends, but we need to remember that some kids are quiet and reserved- my sister was public schooled and while she was well liked for her sweet nature she never really had any true "friends" from school because she found the love and outlet she needed for herself at home with her family, and eventually her pets and spouse- doesn't change the fact she is wonderful, sweet, smart and successful. My other sister was homeschooled from grade 3 on and is such social butterfly she made friends everywhere she went!

Anyhow, short answer is, I don't want the "socialization" that the public school offers. Period.

[Crispie]

Originally Posted by MrsJewelsRae

I've had a few run ins with anti homeschoolers. My MIL and FIL used to be on that list, but we've been slowly winning them over. I once had a lady ask my ds which school he goes to and when he replied he was homeschooled she went "awww, that sucks" as if she felt really sorry for him. Had a few ignorant people try to offer advice on what I should teach and how I should organize and manage my time- from people who have never hs. whatever!

But a few weeks ago I was confronted by one of the most rude anit homeschool rants ever! My kids and I were visiting MIL and FIL, MILs younger sister was visiting. She has 6 kids, the youngest is only 9. She asks my ds what grade he's in and he says he's sort of grade 2 and 3 and he's homeschooled (he's advanced in math and reading). She lit into me about making sure I get him properly socialized, hopes I'm very actively involved in groups and activities so he has a chance to be normal. She barely let me get a word in edge wise for a few minutes and when she did I laughed at her obvious ignorance and replied "you do realize that we homeschoolers call the 'socialization' issue the 'S' word? and it's a myth that we laugh about?" She said she prayerfully considered homeschooling but decided she just couldn't do that to her child and he was going to make friends somewhere, you can't raise them in a box, blah blah blah. I wanted to say "better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" But it was MIL's sister so I was trying to be polite, though she certainly didn't offer me the same. Not only did she basically tell me I was wrong to homeschool but I was also homeschooling wrong!! It was actually pretty funny tbh. What was awesome about it though was that my formerly anti hs MIL turned on her and told her about how hs is becoming a lot more mainstream and there are so many resources available nowadays and how public schools are only getting worse. She couldn't sit by and listen to her amazing and talented grandchildren be maligned- hey the proof is in the pudding!! My kids are freakin' awesome!

Public school systems do not give enough room for differences of personality. The shy spirit is wrong and told to conform. The boisterous are glued to a seat and given drugs to conform to the "norm". I want my kids to be who they are, not what some public school thinks they should be. Furthermore, they are socialized- just differently. They have plenty of friends, but we need to remember that some kids are quiet and reserved- my sister was public schooled and while she was well liked for her sweet nature she never really had any true "friends" from school because she found the love and outlet she needed for herself at home with her family, and eventually her pets and spouse- doesn't change the fact she is wonderful, sweet, smart and successful. My other sister was homeschooled from grade 3 on and is such social butterfly she made friends everywhere she went!

Anyhow, short answer is, I don't want the "socialization" that the public school offers. Period.

I love this! It's so along my thinking...1. I pulled him from school because he was academically being held to a first grade level even though assessment testing showed 2 and 3 grade levels in every single subject. 2. The school environment was not suitable for his personality. He was being picked on and bullied. Most of it was "minor" so they were turning their backs. It's wasn't "minor" to him or me...

I can't help but wonder what grade level of socialization my kid would score at? He's accelerated in every other subject. It's not that I want him to grow up faster or anything, but honestly, he gets annoyed with kids his age. They can't use a telephone or hold conversations with him about topics he wants to discuss. How is it fair that I should hold him to "first grade" socialization?

I do like the potential of our co-op. I haven't had a chance to get him over there yet to a meet, but my schedule is opening up in April. Just enough time to get some "socialization" in before everyone is free for the summer. But I also notice that everywhere we go, he finds people to chat with and talk to. He was at a karate tournament with his dad on Saturday and a little league team was next door. He hung out chatting with all the little league boys for about four hours

Another thing your post brought up...when I was researching homeschooling options, someone pointed out that the bible says parents should teach their children. Now I haven't looked up the scripture, but I should. It seems like a good one to know (ie: your situation above)

Anyway, teacher checking in for the month in two hours, and my living room is covered in laundry (I guess there is no laundry fairy) and I'm unshowered! Better get it in gear! Thank you all for your wonderful feedback.

[frontierpsych]

We are not technically homeschooling yet, or maybe we are unschooling, I don't know! lol! DS is 18 months. He is not in daycare or anything, and yet, nobody is concerned that he is not socialized. He is a talker and is always running up to strangers saying "hi" or trying to hug little kids! (I think it's adorable, btw!)

I plan to give him the same opportunities to socialize later in life as I do now, which is basically what I tell anyone if it comes up. He is a social kid by nature, and I doubt he will have any issues, he will find social opportunities no matter where he is. I plan on being out and about and whether he is talking to a cashier at the grocery store or another little kid at a children's museum, he will be plenty 'socialized'.

[Storm Bride]

I'm very glad that this has rarely come up. My stepdad brought it up a long time ago, and I just commented that, as someone who used to be followed by 30-40 people chanting nasty nicknames and comments about my weight at lunchtime, and who had someone spit a slushee in her face on the bus on the way home (not a school bus, but loaded with kids from my high school), etc., socialization was actually my main motive for homeschooling! I'm not sure he totally agreed with me, but he let it go.

I don't like the social prssures in public school, and I don't think they're healthy. DS1 has manged to cope with it all fairly well, but dd1 and ds2 are very different personalities. (And, even ds1 took a couple of really painful shots...like having a kid tell him, "everyone else is invited to my party, but you're gifted, and gifted people are weird, so I'm not inviting you".

[laehmichal]

when i homeschooled, there was a fantastic teen homeschoolers' website (long gone now) that said to say,'socialization, shmocialization, get a computer!' now that my kids are hsing, when people ask me about them, i respond that they have far more active social lives then i do, and i am thinking of how to scale them back