How to keep 3yr old in bed for naps and bedtime

[kdescalzi]

Mama,


I don't know what to do! Ds was sleeping wonderfully in his crib. A couple months ago we decided to move the crib into the babys room and give him a twin bed on the floor. He took great to the big boy bed and loves being able to lay down and snuggle while we read books. Now, as soon as we leave the room he is out of bed with the lights on either playing or coming into the livingroom. I know this must be normal...he has figured out he has some control in going to bed or not. Now for every nap and at bedtime one of us has to lay with him until he falls asleep. I don't have the chance to do this during the week because I have dd (10mo). He is not ok without a nap...if I do get to lay with him he will sleep for 2-3 hours. He still needs the nap...what do I do?? Today I put dd in her crib to play and after about 15mins, ds was still not asleep and dd was bawling. Now of course ds is not napping and it is going to be a rough aftn for everyone!

[kdescalzi]

Nobody has a toddler that does this?? What have I done wrong??

[marispel]

Well - I think the most important thing is to be consistent. If he gets out of bed, you take him back to bed. You say "back to bed". If he gets out again - you take him back to bed and say "bed"....if he gets out a third tiime, no talking - but you take him right back to bed. You do this again and again and again. It could take 20 times, but if you remain deligent he will get it. If you waiver, you've lost and you start all over again. Consistency is the key. Set boundries and stick to them. You can do it!

[chrstene]

I could not read this and NOT reply....if ONLY to let you know that you are NOT alone. I have a 3 yo DD and a 16 m/o DS. The situation that you described fits us to a "T". I have almost given up on the nap thing with her, because I can't stand the fight anymore. SHe won't stay in her bed, or even her room, when it's naptime. I am trying to put DS down in his crib and she is up making noise. I give up and decide to put DS in the crib to "play" etc (just like you) this way I can lay with DD to put her to sleep...and after 10-15 minutes DS is DONE with that and crying/screaming. So the chance of getting her to sleep becomes impossible.

She does this at night too...lately we've grown sooooo tired of it, that DH decided to bring her back into our bed. Of cousre this is only delaying the inevitable, but I think we really just needed a break!

I don't have the answers, I have the worst sleepers ever (or I have MADE the worst sleepers ever)! BUT I just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone.

I do hope it gets better for you!

[ssh]

We co-slept and DD nursed to sleep until she weaned herself a couple of months before turning 4. She decided she liked sleeping in her own bed right after turning 4. The only time we've had problems with our DD staying in bed was if we tried to get her to go to sleep when she wasn't tired yet. She basically sleeps 10 hours and needs to be up for 13 to 14 hours before she can go to sleep again. Right before dropping her nap at 27 months she started not being able to go to sleep until about 2 in the morning. Maybe your DSs sleep needs have changed and he isn't tired at his bedtime.

[Afryn]

How to keep 3yr old in bed for naps and bedtime

Hi there -

That must be so frustrating! Nothing is worse than trying to get one to sleep with another one in the picture, especially if no naps is the result! It makes me completely crazy.

Our DD always had trouble with separating for naps/bedtime but with a little brother in the picture, we logistically couldn't stay with her (sounds similar to you).

So when we moved her into a "big girl bed" we put a childsafe doorknob on her door. I'm sure there are lots of reasons not to do it but it worked like an absolutely charm for us. No more tears and fighting and anguish; she would play in her room for a while (which was fine with me, since it's still quiet time) and then eventually fall asleep. (Never could figure out how anyone actually gets them to stay in bed the whole time!)

The only other solution I've heard is that you just repeat it a zillion times (like marispel described), with no talking.

Good luck!

[rosinthebow]

I have a 12 month old and an almost 3 year old and I too just want to say I have definitely been in this position. There were times in the past year when i just wondered how the heck I was supposed to be doing it! It didn't seem possible to get one child down to sleep when the other is wide awake and demands your attention. I'm not quite sure how but we seem to have transitioned to a somewhat easier phase.

My one year old tends to get tired mid-morning around 10 am and this point I can generally leave the 3yo alone for a couple minutes to lay the 1 yo in bed and sometimes need to nurse her to sleep. Then in the afternoon around 2 my oldest gets very tired, but would never willingly take a nap, but yes, he usually NEEDS it, if not the rest of the day can be more like a nightmare. Although some days he doesn't end up napping and goes to bed much earlier, like 7:30 instead of 9pm which is quite nice. But anyway, I have almost never been able to get him to go lay down and take a nap.

Today though, for example, because the weather has gotten so nice, around 1 he started saying he was tired, but refused to go lay down every time I suggested it, so I decided to take the kids for a walk in the stroller and go for a walk. After a long time walking he fell asleep and I reclined his seat and let him nap out in the fresh air in the yard when we got back home and played outside in the yard with the younger one so we would be close when he woke up. It worked great, but of course that can't happen every day.

But he will usually fall asleep in the car if we happen to be out and about in the middle of the day and then I can almost always carry him into the bed without him really waking. I know not all kids will do that though. a few times I have even gone out for a drive with the intention of getting him to fall asleep.

And then sometimes I can manage to get him to snuggle up with me and read him a few books (but of course not let him know that the plan is to fall asleep) and have the little one playing close by with something and sometimes if he is really tired I can do that until he falls asleep.

So, I don't really have a solution, this past year has been really hard in that area but seems to have gotten easier and I think that at some point these things work them selves out and a routine emerges. Hang in there.