How does everyone manage keeping the house clean, working out, cooking, etc...

[nikandbud]

Hi all,

I'm feeling like an unorganized stay-at-home mom that cannot get caught up with anything. Each night I spend doing dishes, picking up toys, laundry, and I still feel out of control the next day. My basement is a mess, mail is piling up and I just feel like I can't keep up. Laundry is stacking up, etc. I have a 2.5 yr old and almost 4 year old. Some weeks are better than others, but I just feel so overwhelmed. I haven't worked out all winter and have gained about 15 lbs. How does everyone do it? Looking for some inspiration to get my life back on track. Thanks!

[sanguine_speed]

Well, in the past I have used child minding at the gym in order to be able to get a break and workout in, but I don't do that these days (35 weeks pregnant and very uncomfortable!).
I do rely quite heavily on my partner to help out with the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning in the evenings and also with being home with the kids while I go out and recharge or go for a walk.
Can your partner help out anymore than s/he already is?

[*bejeweled*]

I'm in the same boat.

[Storm Bride]

Okay - I'll freely admit that my house is a disaster and would be much worse if dh didn't do soooooo much. But, in general:

Working out: I'm not a gym person. In fact, I hate gyms. So, when the weather's good, I leave the kids with dh for 30-45 minutes and just go for a walk. (Actually, I do this in the rain, too - but I like rain). It's not super heavy exercise, but it stretches everything out and de-stresses me, yk? At other times, I do step aerobics. I've got a high density foam step, but I've done it on the stairs in the past. I just put on a movie (often one of the LOTR movies, and then I jump from scene to scene) or pick up a book, and step. Frequently, I say - to myself and dh - that I'm just going to do 5 or 10 minutes as a morale boost and to keep in the habit...and end up going 30, 35 or 40 minutes! But, even 5 or 10 keeps me in the groove of doing it every other night. If dh isn't around, or dd2 is being overly crazy, I pop her in the Ergo...but I don't usually do 40 minutes if she's in there!

I have some physical issues with numbness (c-section related) and weakness in my core, so I'm not doing as well on this one as I used to, but I also do yoga. I try to make sure I do at least a few minutes in the morning and at night. I find the morning problematic, as the kids are on fast forward, but I can usually get some in at bedtime.

Out of control house: I've found the trick here is to isolate the things that make you most crazy. My desk is piled with paid bills that havent been filed, junk mail that hasn't been sorted and dealt with, misc. school forms for ds1, notes about this and that, etc. etc. It gets to me a bit, but I can still function with it. However, if I come downstairs tomorrow and can't find any counter space, I'll go nuts. I can't stand not being able to get my coffee and breakfast for the kids without wading through a bunch of mess and stuff. So, for me, getting those counters dealt with before bed is a high priority.Getting clean laundry put away is also a high priority these days, because I know if I don't do it quickly, I probably won't do it at all...and then it winds up scattered and mixed up with the dirty stuff.

For you, maybe getting the paper dealt with is important, and having piles of clean laundry isn't an issue. The important thing, imo, is to find what helps you function and deal with that first.

Good luck. Feeling overwhelmed by all this isn't uncommon.

I have some physical issues with numbness (c-section related) and weakness in my core, so I'm not doing as well on this one as I used to, but I also do yoga. I try to make sure I do at least a few minutes in the morning and at night. I find the morning problematic, as the kids are on fast forward, but I can usually get some in at bedtime.

[cappuccinosmom]

Time management and fighting the negative self-talk ("There's too much here, I can't do it all. I can't do any of it. Maybe if I ignore it, it'll seem better tomorrow).

Mail you can fix easily. Determine a spot where mail is to go. Get two small containers (whatever works). When it arrives, immediately chuck fliers and junk mail. Put bills and time sensitive stuff in one container, and write the date due on the outside of the envelope. Put all other mail in the other container, which you can deal with as you have time.

Just getting one little thing like that at a time under control will start adding up and making a big difference.

Cleaning: we are in a situation now where I don't have to do a lot of cleaning. But prior to that, I was able to keep the house in decent shape. Having a set place for everything is super helpful (a place to throw dirty laundry, boxes for toys, baskets for odds and ends). Bathroom is easy because I can always do a quick wipedown of it while my kids are in the tub. I kept rags for that purpose right in the bathroom cupboard, and the cleanning supplies in the closet right outside the bathroom door, so I could not give myself any excuse not to do it.

What helps the most is just to do things when they need to be done. If I let myself put the dishes off, I want to do them even less the next meal, yk? It's a downward spiral, so I just woman-up and get them done. If I'm being efficient, it actually doesn't take that long to do them, so daily maintenance can be done while the kids nap, or watch a video, or entertain themselves nearby...if I'm using the time well. That's my big struggle.

Working out: been a big problem for a long time for me. Right now I'm in a very good situation and I actually can. Whenever the weather's decent, though, a great way to get moving is just to take the kids on a hike. It is amazing how far a 2 yo can toddle. Or you can carry him or have them in a double jogging stroller or something. Mine all have a 40 minute rest time (or "study hall", for my 7 yo, It's his reading time). I bring a baby monitor with me so I can hear them, and hop on the treadmill. Or turn on Wii and do some stepping. It's not perfect and it's not as much as I want, but it's a good start.

[Llyra]

The big things for me have been:

1. building exercise into my daily routine, to eliminate the need to "work out."

For example, if I'm folding laundry, I'll do it standing, and do squats while I'm doing it. When I'm doing the dishes, I put a stepstool in front of the sink, and step up and down and up and down while I'm working. Stuff like that. Between that sort of thing, and the number of times I wind up going up and down the stairs, I think I get plenty of exercise. Building a nice walk into your daily routine can help, too-- the kids can come along on that.

2. having a routine, and a plan.

I make a plan for the week, on Sunday afternoon- what has to get done, and by when. Then I make a plan over breakfast each day, for the day. We have a routine for when housework happens. We clean for an hour after breakfast, every day. Then I do about a half hour of housework in the afternoon, during naptime. Then DH does about the same in the evening.

3. teaching the kids to clean up their own stuff.

This sounds like a huge challenge, but if you just make it part of life, after a while, it happens fairly effortlessly. We have a cleanup time after lunch and after dinner, and everybody participates. If any toys aren't cleaned up during that time, they go into a big box and stay in the closet until Sunday. I think I save a lot of time and aggravation by making them responsible for cleaning up their own toys. (Mine are 3, 3, and 5, BTW, so the ages are comparable.) My oldest also puts away her own folded laundry, feeds the cats, and does quite a few other jobs, and even the little ones can clear the table after a meal. It also helps if you involve them in other tasks that are normally your own jobs-- make a game out of sorting laundry, for example, or let them learn how to run the washer (My DD1 can climb up on the dryer to work the controls, and stand on a stepstool to empty the washer). Most kids enjoy doing this stuff, and they learn a lot, and like feeling like they're really helping, and enjoy spending time with you.

4. having a system.

If things don't have a place where they belong, it's harder to see that they get cleaned up. If there's no system in place for how to deal with mail, then it piles up.

5. learning to let go what can't be helped.

If there's housework that doesn't get done in the time allotted, I let it go until the next day. That does mean that there are nagging problems-- like my dirty basement floor-- that never seem to get dealt with until DH has some time off. But the most essential things get done, and tomorrow is another day, and the kids won't be young forever, so at the end of my allotted housework time, I forget it.

6. getting your partner involved.

If you're doing ALL the housework, that's clearly not fair, especially if you're dealing with nighttime parenting as well. What happens is you wind up "working" WAY more hours in the day than your partner works. If you feel like you're in this position, then a talk with your partner might be called for.

Cooking hasn't been a problem for us, mostly because it's my hobby as well as my job, so I tend to prioritize it. We eat all whole locally grown foods, including a large portion of our produce that we grow ourselves, so I do most of the preparation and processing, plus in the warmer months I have to
"put up" for the winter. But I enjoy it, so it gets done, even when everything else has gone to h---.

[ZoshaMosha]

I like what everybody said...

I threw out 75% of our stuff. That really helps keep that house clean. Seriously, I did a major declutter. I got rid of most of our random dishes, tons of clothes, loads of toys. And I gave a home to everything I did keep. Now I just run a mop or sponge over the house a few times a week and it's ok. Except the kids' room. Ugh.

As for mail. When you collect it, put whatever is not important immediately into the recycling (or shredder pile if that's your thing). Put what is important in an inbox in your home office.

Pay bills online if possible.

As for working out, I just walk at the moment. I live in a city with lots of great parks and weather so it's easy for me to take the babe and the dogs out every day. But I plan on joining the Y soon.

[Baby_Cakes]

I'm not the only one?!?



Sorry, no advice, just commiseration.

[berry987]

Some of this has already been said, but I figured I'd chime in.

The biggest help for me has been decluttering. Massively. I got rid of everything that doesn't serve a purpose, kept minimal amounts of stuff that does, and got rid of 50% of the kids toys. It's been a process, this didn't happen all at once. My house stays clean now. It doesn't seem to get "destroyed" like it used to because there is less to throw/leave around. The kids have a small playroom (kind of den) and that is often a mess, but the mess stays in there. They drag toys out and help put them back at the end of the day. Deep cleaning is still a challenge for me, because I really don't like cleaning bathrooms, but I do a little at a time and they stay *mostly* clean. All the other stuff I just try to stay on top of. Laundry is folded and put away immediately. Dishes done after each meal. Bed made when I get dressed.

As for exercising, that's a work in progress. I've been doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred which is only 30 minutes, so I usually can find the time. It's also good because you are supposed to do it every day. I like that consistency, because there are no rest days, no excuses. We also take walks...but that is hard for exercise because I have a 5, 3 and 1 year old. The 5 yo won't sit in a stroller so he walks, so we move pretty slow. But it's still some movement!

Another big one for me - limiting my internet time. I canceled Facebook and no longer have news sites bookmarked. I'm still on MDC daily, but just a couple of times. The distraction of the internet really took me from other things I could be doing. I just get a lot more done when I'm not checking the internet throughout the day.

My DH helps a lot, too. He does a lot of laundry (he's often folding while he watched TV at night) and always cleans up the dinner dishes. He also gives the kids baths at night while I straighten up, so after the kids are in bed, we can both sit down and relax. SAHMs deserve to be "off work" too in the evenings, so be sure he is doing his share.

[holothuroidea]

I agree with the de-clutter advice. If you don't have kids, it's nice to say "oh I can find such a good use for this," because you eventually will. But when you DO have kids, forget it... you're never going to use it. It's going to get stuffed somewhere and just take up space until 3 years from now you discover it and you're like "what's this piece of junk?" LOL

Ideally, if you don't have an IMMEDIATE use for it, let it go. You will be so busy tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day that you'll never even remember it existed.

As far as housework, what works for me is I assign a 1-hour chore for every day of the week. For example, I vacuum on Tuesdays. That way if I see a fuzzy on the floor it won't stress me out because I know that it will be taken care of on Tuesday. It's also a good way to just make chores a way of habit, so you don't even need to think about it.

But the daily stuff like dishes and laundry I have a problem with. I've gotten a system down for the dishes and usually follow through but I still haven't figured out what to do with the laundry.

[JessBB]

flylady.net. Changed my life!

[TinkerBelle]

I "second" Flylady.

A schedule keeps me sane and the house from becoming a pit.

[limette]

How big is your house? How much stuff do you have?

Mine are the same ages as yours and I have tons of free time every day. I spend zero time working out (kids won't leave me alone long enough) but I clean, cook all our meals, bake, garden etc.

We live entirely on the main floor of our house at the moment which is around 900 sq ft. We minimize how much stuff we have and have everything organized so it's easy to clean up. The kids clean up their own toys. I usually get them to do it one last time before bed so I can vacuum (living room) before they go to sleep.

I'm getting dd1 into the habit of cleaning up her dishes when she's done eating. She dumps any food into the garbage and piles her dishes on the counter over the dishwasher. Dh does his and dd's and he'll usually load the dishwasher for me (it makes me gaggy during pregnancy).

Clean laundry sits around a lot because it's mainly dh's clothes (he has tons) and he takes weeks to put the stuff away. I refuse to do it because he has so much of it. So it goes on the floor of his walk in closet until he gets to it.

The kids room is rarely used so it gets cleaned once a week or less. The master bedroom is the smallest and only contains a captain's bed. It gets made first thing in the morning (sheet and duvet) and I sweep the entire main floor at once.

Dh is responsible for the bathroom.

Things are definitely easier to keep up with then when we first moved in to this house. We've gradually renovated each room to fit our needs and it's really helped out.

[StormySar]

When I get like that, it's time to cut down on the things taking up my time. For me, this may be volunteer work for my husbands ministry, playgroups, internet time, projects, etc. For everyone it's different.

I am responsible for 100% housework and childcare. My husband, on the other hand, works for a ministry and a car dealership, takes care of all car and outside/lawn maintenance, house repairs, runs errands (or we do them together), etc. In the end it all balances out and it works great for us. We have four children with #5 due this summer. My oldest is 6 and we homeschool the oldest two. Believe me, I get in a rut sometimes.

For me, having an organized home is essential for peace of mind. So if I get frazzled and feel overwhelmed, it's time to take a day or two and have the kids help me get things back on track. Early on in their lives they begin to learn about teamwork and helping to pick up. While I may b repsonsible for all the household chores, I don't do them all. My kids help, we pick up together, they dont' have assigned chores but if I ask them to do something around the house they know what to do and take action.

A couple times a year we declutter and reduce the items we have because it just seems to pile up over time. I weed out things I havent used recently and don't see myslf using, I recently purged a bunch of kitchen stuff that no longer worked for our growing family (Stuff was too small so I didn't use it anymore as the quantity of food I prepare now has grown over the past 6 years!).

If I'm really struggling with something, my husband will always jump in to help. But it seems I can usually pull through a funk pretty quick when I tackle the things that are overwhelming me. I hope you can see your way out of it pretty quick :-)

[sweetcheeks]

Another one echoing the declutter advice. It has helped us tremendously.

OK, I don't know what kind of standards you have as far as how "clean" your house should be but I'm going to say this anyway: lower them. As long as you aren't wallowing in filth, some toys, blankies, books, etc, scattered about isn't something to worry about. I know so many moms who stress themselves out over having a picture perfect home and spend their whole day cleaning up every. single. mess. their LOs make. I don't pick up toys through out the day because my youngest will just dump them out again. Before we start bedtime routine, myself and the kids go around and do a quick cleanup of toys.

Definitely enlist your kids' help. My older two (7 and 4.5) have their duties they know they need to do, no questions asked. They put dirty clothes in the hamper, make their beds, clear their dishes from the table, clean up toys/books, help sort clean laundry, help put away their laundry and make sure all their outerwear/school stuff is in the proper place. My 22 month old also helps with toy cleanup and he puts his blankies and lovies back on his bed after breakfast up in the morning (he always drags them out to the LR when he wakes up). He's even starting to clear his dishes from the table because he sees his older sibs doing it.

I'm very fortunate in that my hubby does the dishes in our house. It's our agreement, I take care of everything else but he does the dishes. However, he's out of town for work a fair bit and I will admit, I have paper plates and plastic cutlery on hand for those days. On those days when I'm flying solo, it's nice to not have to worry about that chore. As for laundry, if it's not dirty, it gets put back into the drawer/closet to be worn again. Jeans usually go through 2-3 wearings before going in the hamper and for PJs, unless someone slops on them at brekkie, the same ones get worn all week. It has really made an impact on how often I do laundry.

Working out is one thing I absolutely make time for. It's a big stress reliever for me and I have no problem taking advantage of the babysitting service at our Y or getting up at 5:30am so I can get a workout in. I aim to hit the gym at least 4x/week. I've noticed since I've made the commitment to workout on a regular basis, my energy levels have gone up and the household stuff doesn't seem so overwhelming and daunting.

[mrspineau]

I think being super organized is the biggest key for me, and not owning anything that I don't use and that doesn't have an exact place in my home to keep it. if i buy anything, i have to know exactly where its going in my house before i do.

[Mirrormonkey]

I have a almost 4 yr old and a 6 week old, my house is a disaster! There are toys everywhere, laundry piled by the basement door and clutter everywhere, oh and I really need to vacuum. DH deals with dishes and garbage everday, I try to keep the kitchen counter clean and the toilet and bathroom sink and laundry is left till the weekend.

I just started back at the gym, but that is more of a sanity thing at this point than a lose the baby weight thing. Besides my 6 week old only give me maybe 45 minutes before he starts crying.

[nina_yyc]

I'm with everyone who said declutter, routine, and get the kids to help.

I love working out so I have set myself a schedule instead of waiting to 'find time' (never gonna happen.) I work out Tue & Thur mornings and Saturday while DD is at dance class. DH is aware that he is responsible for the kids during those times and if he is busy he notifies me in advance so I can work around his schedule.

Since I have limited time I need to work out smarter. I hire a trainer to design my program so I can get results with only committing to 3 hours a week. She designs strength/cardio circuits or superset programs so I can get the most out of my time. It also builds in some accountability since I will see her every 2 mos and she will expect to see progress!

[becoming]

I can help with the house cleaning. I do a very simple routine, and my house is always clean. I have a schedule that I follow:

Monday: vacuum everywhere
Tuesday: dust everywhere
Wednesday: bathrooms (toilets, sinks/counters/mirrors/trash)
Thursday: clean out/wipe down fridge, vacuum living room
Friday: mop everywhere
Saturday: one organizing project
Sunday: clean bathtub & shower

Every morning while the kids are eating breakfast, I unload the dishwasher & load it back up with whatever's in the sink. I also fold & put away the load of laundry I did yesterday & put another load on to wash. I pick up all the clutter after lunch & then again before I go to bed at night. Easy as can be! I spend MAYBE an hour total of cleaning all day, and my house is always clean. I wish everyone would try this routine, it has been amazing for us

[becoming]

I should add to the above that this is after decluttering EVERYTHING in my house that we don't use/need/love. Before I initiated this routine, I purged 11 construction grade garbage bags of stuff out of our 1,200 square feet house!