Sleeping with an older child and with a newborn?

[sora]

Hi,

I'm expecting a baby next month. My older daughter would be 4 in July. She still sleeps with me in her bed while my husband sleeps alone in our king bed. It has been working for us as he gets up early to go to the gym and get ready for work.

I don't know what to do when my newborn arrives. I will be sleeping with him for sure but what about my daughter? I don't think it has to be me sleeping with her but she often wakes up at night and cries if no one is there with her in bed. She is super sensitive so if I every get up earlier than her, then she will get up too. I sometimes lie in bed wide awake just to give her more sleep.

Anyhow, if I sleep with my newborn and my daughter, I worry that all of us won't get good sleep. If my husband sleeps with my daughter, he will probably wake her up when he gets up early-- like 5:30am.

I have not used a crib with my first. Would a crib help if we all sleep in one bed? We have a king size bed so space wise, it's plenty but my first moves a lot like spinning. She will probably kick the baby.

Can you tell me what have worked for you? Want to hear your experiences...
Thanks.

[summerforever1977]

I sleep with a two year old who does spins and kicking in the night, plus my bed is no longer safe for a newborn to sleep in (frame space issues) so I bought a co-sleeper for the new baby; I love how it hooks right up to the side of the bed, is level with my mattress, though there is a small drop to the co-sleeping mattress as is intended by design. We still get the whole bed and the baby has a safe sleep space within arms reach of me. As far as nightwakings go I have no clue and it is a worry, but we'll work through it as with anything else. Good luck with whatever you decide. Honestly, if I thought it would work I would totally have my older son sleep with my husband in another room and me sleep with the baby, but my son would never go for that; he needs his mama.

[sora]

What's the difference between a cosleeper and crib? I thought about having a crib attached to the bed, but when I switch my breasts, the baby has to come to the other side of the bed, which I think will disrupt my first child if she sleeps next to me.

[ElliesMomma]

i had my second when my first was 3 years and 5 months old. what i did was get her a toddler bed and put it right next to my bed. (until new baby was born, DD was sleeping with me; DH sleeps alone in his own bed as he gets up very early for work too.) once the baby was born, i let her fall asleep in my bed, then moved her to her own bed. one of the first times, when she woke up in the morning, she said, "hey, i slept all night in my own bed." that was a rare occasion.

more typically, she has gotten up, usually about three times overnight to join me and the new baby in the big bed. it was driving me batty, b/c i'd never get more than about 2 hours of sleep in a row.

after much trying of everything, i finally hit on something that works. first off i should also note that she still nurses to sleep. and also that i'm on my own with bedtime and overnight, due to DH's work schedule. what i do is get the baby to sleep, allowing DD to watch some Diego videos or play while i do so. then i focus on her, book reading and nursing, and get her to sleep. finally, and this is the brainstorm that works, we have a contest between her and the new baby each night to see who is the better sleeper, and whoever wins gets a gold star in the morning. my DD is very competitive, and although she loveslovesloves her baby brother, she also loves to win. and she will "race" to see who can get in their carseat fastest (this is also a good trick) and now, somehow magically, she is finding the ability to sleep through the night (hallalula, finally!!) in pursuit of that gold star.

the times that she has woken me up overnight by, say, climbing in my bed, i have reminded her in a concerned voice, "Ellie, hurry up and get back in bed and back to sleep before Shawn wins the contest for best sleeper tonight!"

i hate to jinx it, but so far it's working!!!

it took me six months to get to this point.

oh, and i'm blessed with a much better sleeper in child #2.

i wish you the best of luck!!

ps: wait till you see how little your new baby is, and how it makes your first child seem suddenly HUGE. i think you will feel better about letting her try sleeping on her own. most kids of almost age 4 are sleeping in their own beds. especially if you let her stay in your room. she's had a good long run of cosleeping. mine was able to see and understand that i did this for her too when she was a baby, and that the new baby needs nursing overnight in order to eat and survive, etc.

[rzberrymom]

Things that have worked for us:

A white noise maker keeps my older DD asleep when the baby (or my DH) wakes up.

My older DD has her own bed right next to ours, but it's big enough that DH can sleep with her if she needs snuggling. When the baby is old enough, they'll sleep together in my older DD's bed.

It's been REALLY good for my DD's bond with the baby to have someone still co-sleeping with her--for us, we felt like there would be nothing worse than getting kicked out of the family bed for the new baby.

[sora]

I wish I could attach her bed next to mine. We have a king bed and there is no room to put another bed except a crib.

Has anyone tried sleeping with an older child who wakes up at night and a newborn in one bed?

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by sora

I wish I could attach her bed next to mine. We have a king bed and there is no room to put another bed except a crib.

Has anyone tried sleeping with an older child who wakes up at night and a newborn in one bed?

no b/c it's not safe to turn your back to the baby while you sleep. i get seriously sore if i sleep in same position w/o moving overnight. something has to give.

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by sora

I wish I could attach her bed next to mine. We have a king bed and there is no room to put another bed except a crib.

Ikea makes toddler beds that use a crib size mattress, so you could get a frame like that for your older DD and keep the baby in bed with you. If the king and the crib fit next to each other, the toddler bed should fit next to the king too.

Ikea also makes toddler mattresses that are longer than a crib size, but as narrow as a crib mattress--that might fit too.

[sora]

Hm...I never thought of putting my older one into a toddler bed.... That's a good idea. I will look into that.

What do you think of attaching a crib next to my bed and putting the baby back into the crib after I nurse and letting my first one sleep next to me? My friend did this way. She stayed awake while nursing the baby because she wanted to put her back to the crib after. As a result, her baby got used to falling asleep without sucking and sleeping in her crib alone, although the crib was next to her mom's bed. Later when she was older, she moved her crib to her room and there was no problem. I was pretty frustrated by the fact that my daughter always had to suck my nipples to fall/stay asleep. Sometimes I could not even change my positions or go to a bathroom. It really sucked. Now my daughter still needs my arm and hugging to fall asleep, which I don't mind as she actually falls asleep pretty fast, within 20min and I actually love falling asleep with her like that. It's sad that it might have to end with a new baby coming.

I tried to get my husband to put her to sleep but my dd got too upset. She loves sleeping with me. She will go to sleep with him if I'm not around but I don't want to go out every night when I'm tired. And when I'm home, she still wants me to put her to sleep. So if I go out every night for a month before the baby is born, I don't think that she will happily sleep with her dad if I'm around, especially with a newborn. She keeps saying that she wants to sleep with me and the baby. Maybe she's old enough to understand that things have to change when the baby is born.

This is what we tried tonight. I lied down with her until she fell asleep and sneaked out. Most nights, she does not wake unless I'm there in her bed. So my husband went to sleep with her a few hours later so if she wakes up at night, he will be there to soothe her. Hopefully he is able to soothe her. He will try to sneak out early in the morning to get ready for work. Hopefully she won't wake up then. Oh no, I hear my kid crying now....