Overwhelming Guilt aka Sympathy Please

[holothuroidea]

I don't know if it's just me but being a SAHM gives me too much time to think, which is dangerous.

I get recurring thoughts about... I don't play enough, I don't go out enough, I don't clean enough, I don't cook enough, basically nothing I do is ever enough for me to be satisfied with myself.

You don't get a grade for parenting, or a raise, or even a pat on the back. A young toddler can't say "thank you" or "i love you." Often they just scream at you for no apparent reason. There's just no way for me to gauge whether or not I'm doing a good job.

So then I end up feeling guilty for watching TV for an hour in the morning, or for not feeling in the mood to play chase or do kiddie puzzles. Evelynn (19 months) always wants me to talk to her, she brings me things so I can tell her what it is and points at everything. On the one hand I'm so proud of her for being curious and I want to nurture that learning drive but on the other hand... enough already! I can't stand talking all the time, especially to a toddler because I feel like I'm talking to myself and it just makes me uncomfortable!!!

Thank you for listening to my rant. I guess I just feel like I'm the only one that feels this way.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

"I guess I just feel like I'm the only one that feels this way. "

UM, no your not! And Im not a SAHM. I feel like I should want to spend every waking moment with my kids since I am away from them 45 hours a week. I am constantly trying to rationalize why I need ME time, because when I start to feel the need for it, I automatically think I am being sooo selfish.

Here is your pat on the back mama. You deserve one!

[holothuroidea]

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

"I guess I just feel like I'm the only one that feels this way. "

UM, no your not! And Im not a SAHM. I feel like I should want to spend every waking moment with my kids since I am away from them 45 hours a week. I am constantly trying to rationalize why I need ME time, because when I start to feel the need for it, I automatically think I am being sooo selfish.

Here is your pat on the back mama. You deserve one!

What I meant was that I'm the only one that feels that way about me. Like, my husband doesn't say I'm not doing enough and neither does my mom or my MIL. So, why do I still feel this way?

I know so many people struggle with feelings of guilt every day. It sucks! Why do we do this and more importantly, what do we do for our kids so they don't have to feel this way?

You need your time because you are an individual and you have needs. Even when you're working, you are away from your kids but you are still working for your family. I guess it would be bad if you NEVER wanted to spend time with your family but that's obviously not the case!

Anyway thanks for the sympathy and here's a reciprocal pat on the back for you!

*pat pat* good job, mama!

[mummyofan]

Every so often, I'll get a day where I wish I could 'swing a sickie'
I did it once in my professional life, and it felt great

Mostly, I know that I've got Preschool time coming upo (my son is in a coop so I work 1 am and have the other free; a Nanny cares for my daughter those days, so anytime I don't feel like playing i'll take a moment, get a drink, sit for 2 mins and then get on with it, knowing that in 2-3 days i have 3 hours to myself. Then my hubby likes to have the children at night to read to, and again on a weekend am, I get a lie in whilst he breakfasts them. it works ok

you're not alone

[maptome]

Don't be such a perfectionist! Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm sure you really are doing a great job! s

[HappyFox05]

I used to feel that way too & DH would always tell me what a great kid DD was becoming, and I would think, "Yeah, whatever!" because I couldn't see it: 1. I was with her all the time so I saw it all, the good & the bad; 2. She would save her very best behavior for when we were with others. She felt comfortable enough around me to test boundaries; 3. I knew NOTHING about kids, so I really couldn't tell if I was doing a good job or not & had no friends w/kids to compare with or get advice from; 4. There's not that much immediate feedback in parenting, like there is in a job (or at least, like there was in mine).

Anyway, its taken me quite a while to stop being a perfectionist & learn to have goals for the day while at the same time being ok with never accomplishing them, since that's a very real possibility. Plus, now that DD 1 is a little older, i'm able to see some success
& think, "Well, whatever I've been doing, its worked so far!"

Sorry, my thoughts are a little jumbled. Hope that helped. Hang in there! This period won't last forever.

[applecider]

I feel that way all the time. About myself. I'm sure no one else thinks that, but I never mention it to other people. Or I think, well they don't really know what goes on on a daily basis around here. Or what things are going through my head. I do find that the more I am on facebook/mommy blogs the more I start doubting myself and thinking that I don't do enough. I think it's one of the reasons I come to mdc so often, I'm trying to connect with other moms who are going through what I'm going through. It's so hard to find mom's irl who are willing to share the down and dirty of being a mom.

[claddaghmom]

I feel the same way! Winter has been a pain. School has been a huge pain. I'm just done. I've gone on strike.

[scottishmommy]

Mothers feel guilty all the time. We also all feel inadequate, but we tend to pretend to be perfect in front of our friends. I know I do!