I'm so mad!!!!

[Kirstyandgirls]

I'm so angry right now I want to cry! And I just shouted at my gorgeous baby

I have a 2yo who won't go to sleep unless daddy or I are in the room. I have taken over bedtimes as OH was getting angry with her an generally doesn't have the patience for it and was starting to make noises about CIO.

She co-slept until 14mo afterwhich she went into her own bed own room, She still nurses so often wanders into us at night which I enjoy. It's just the evenings I AM SO SICK OF SPENDING ALL THIS TIME WAITING FOR HER TO FALL ASLEEP!!!!

She used to nurse to sleep and then she was happy to sleep if I was lying next to her, pretending to be asleep, then we graduated to her falling asleep while I sat on the end of the bed with the laptop, last night she fell asleep with me sitting on the floor away from her bed, which is where I as right now.

Tonight has been really hard, she has been crying and shouting that she doesn't like bed, wants a drink of water (she has sippy cup within reaching distance) wants a cuddle, wants a song etc etc etc I do give her what she asks for but as soon as I start singing, pass her the drink etc she doesn't want it!

So I lost my temper ranted a bit and shouted at her that if she didn't lie down and close her eyes I was going downstairs! I meant it, I was feeling so mad i figured she was better alone in her room than with me being so angry

I suppose I'm just venting really, I have been sat here for over an hour!

Any tips from BTDT mama would be greatly recieved

Kirsty x

[Maluhia]

I think you need to take a deep breath and realize that she's crying for attention with her behavior (not actual crying), 14 month olds are still babies and it's hard to choose to fall asleep and possibly miss something. I don't know many kids who fall asleep on their own at that age, without a cuddle at least. Can you work on a mantra to think as you lie there with her? When I was frustrated with DD I did something like "she seems big, but she's my only little baby, and I want her to fall asleep knowing I love her" or sing-song the "now I lay me down to sleep" prayerish thing?

[Kirstyandgirls]

Thanks for your reply, she is 24 months now but you are right, she is still a baby.

I feel really bad for losing my temper with her, I think I was so pleased yeaterday that she went to sleep with out me on the bed that i decided that I was not going to 'give' in and take a step back - I think I was wrong, I lost sight of my baby and was just concentrating on how pissed off I was

[lyterae]

When my dd was around this age we had sudden bedtime struggles as well, I ended up wearing her every evening at bedtime for about 30 minutes to an hour to satisfy her cuddle needs and then I would lay her down to sleep.

[syn_ack89]

How long do you expect to be with her each night getting her to sleep? I spend typically 30min to 1 hr each night with my 3 yr old.

Do you have a set routine - i.e. brush teeth, pjs, 2 books, then lights out? Lots of young kids need a routine to help them wind down. That way they associate doing x, y and z with going to sleep.

I do feel for you because there are nights I just wish my LO would GO TO SLEEP without all the routine, etc, but developmentally that is where he is. Everyone has a bad night sometimes. Just use it to optimize your sleep steps and make it work better.

[Maluhia]

s I replied because it is also my weakness, loosing sight of the baby in them You will make it through and someday you'll have a teenager who won't cuddle, we all will!

[Kirstyandgirls]

Thanks for the replies everyone, today is dd's 2nd birthday so I'm feeling really sad that she is growing up. Tonight I will try and be as gentle ans as loving as possible when I put her to bed - she is still a baby and I think sometimes I expect to much.

I have noticed another thread about what people do when waiting for their child to fall asleep so I feel better knowing that I'm doing what loads of mothers (and fathers) do and I suppose when she's older I'll miss how much she needs me now

Thanks again Kirsty x

[llwr]

Have so BDTD (and still am sometimes). It's so frustrating!

My DH was happy to get forced reading time, so he's taken over this. He lays in the hallway with a book while DD (3yo)goes to sleep in her room.

Here's something else I saw that I'm about ready to try:
Start leaving for just a minute and reward her if she stays in her room without screaming while you're gone. Gradually start leaving more often and/or for longer periods of time. Praise and gossip about how good and a big girl she is during the day. A reward chart (yours is probably too little for this, but my DD loves these).

The first night you'd only leave for 30-60 seconds telling her in advance that you forgot your book or something, you'll be right back and please wait quietly. Praise her when you get back and maybe a sticker or something. The next day tell grandma on the phone or even one of her stuffed animals how she stayed in her room and was such a big girl when mommy forgot her book. She is supposed to overhear this, but not know that you're saying it for her to overhear. The next night "forget" something that takes a little longer, give her a sticker on her reward chart to earn a trip to the park or something.....

I haven't personally tried it, but I may soon!

Also, make sure you have a good bedtime routine, she's tired, getting plenty of you during the day. DST really through my 3yo off.

[KBinSATX]

I still parent my 18 months and 3 1/2 year old to sleep

[mamadelbosque]

Thats about the age that we moved DS1 into his own room/own bed. For the first 6-8 months he woke 1-3x a night and came into our room... after the first couple months we learned to just get up and put him back in his bed and tell him 'its still nighttime, goodnight, see you in the morning' and leave... At night we learned after a while that laying/staying in the room was counter-productive.... he falls asleep *FAR* better, *FAR* faster by himself, than he does if your in the room, let alone laying down with him (thats a recipe for him to roll around and yank on your hair for 1-2+ hours...). Good luck!!

[spirit4ever]

Originally Posted by KBinSATX

I still parent my 18 months and 3 1/2 year old to sleep

I also parent my 20 month old to bed, and plan to until she is about 3.. at which point I just go about business around the bedroom while she learns to fall asleep on her own!

I"ve btdt with my boys, it does get easier!

[chipper26]

Probably not what you want to here, BUT, my friend's ds is a little over 4 1/2 and he just started to fall asleep without mom in the room. She was happy when he would allow her to stop rocking, then it was laying in bed with him until he fell asleep... which meant that mom would always fall asleep, too!

She tried everything (except the CIO approach) and he just wouldn't fall asleep on his own. So this month he came home and said that his friend at school falls asleep by himself, so suddenly he wants to do it. He want s to be a "big boy."

After all of the different ways of trying to get him to change, one day he just decided he was done. I know it was a long time, but he's the youngest and the last... so now both of her "babies" go to sleep on their own.

I know it is incredible frustrating, but hopefully it will get easier soon. Your LO probably feels like that is a special time and she may also be a little afraid.

[To-Fu]

Shoot, I'm in my 30s and I think falling asleep alone is a drag! And it's hard sometimes, too.

It'll get easier, and yeah, she's still a baby. I still parent my 26mo to sleep every night and it takes anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours. I know the frustration and burnout it can cause when too many tough nights pile up. If you have a co-parent, this is when they step in to help.

[sgeiger]

We went through this same thing, at the same age too with our daughter. What worked for us was also the "i forgot something downstairs" act, although the most important part of this was to leave her door open. we also didn't come back unless she got upset, which she didn't (she fell asleep waiting for us). I think at this age, the noise we make around the house during sleep times was more of a comfort to her than a disturbance, so when we left the door open and went on with our lives, she knew we were still there and she just fell asleep on her own. We too were watching her lie there and stare at the ceiling for up to 45 minutes at times, and within days she was used to the new routine. good luck!