Do you ever fel like your life is two steps away from total chaos?

[InMediasRes]

I really enjoy being a SAHM, but sometimes I feel like my kids and my house are on the brink of spinning out of control!

I know part of this is that I'm a type A person. I like a neat house. I had to give up a lot of this when DH and I got married because he is just incapable of some things (We both swear he has ADD). He really is a sensitive and understanding guy and such a great dad, but he just can't seem to finish a round of dishes, put his clothes in the hamper, put change in the change jar, etc. I don't really see how putting your clothes ON the hamper is any easier than putting them in, but his mind is truly all over the place all the time, so I truly don't think it's intentional.

Then there's the kids. I have a 3yo sensory seeker who loves to make messes. I keep the house pretty well baby proofed so that he can't make any true disasters, but there's only so much I can do. DD is 1yo and is coming into that stage where it is fun to pull everything out of the toy box, etc. We have weeded down our toy collection, but I think we're going to have to do it again.

Some days it is a real fight to keep on top of the dishes and the laundry. That doesn't include the clutter in the house getting out of control. And at the end of the day, I just don't want to do anything else, so sometimes dinner doesn't get cooked and we just have sandwiches or the dinner dishes don't get done and I have to do them in the morning. I don't have any time at all to do projects like decluttering our garage or upstairs office. DH and I keep saying we want to do these things, but we keep not doing them.

Just with the stages the kids are in and their bedtime being 7PM, I just don't feel like DH and I can get it all done during the day. And even when I do, it's just piled up again in a few hours. I am on my feet all day long. When we finally get a few minutes after the kids are asleep, all I want to do is sit down. There is no way in he!! I'm going to do chores when I have a chance to sit down alone.

I am prone to anxiety, so when the house gets visibly out of control, I feel like I am going out of control.

Does anyone else feel like this a lot, or is it just me? For moms of older kids, does it get better when your kids are older and can help with some of the cleaning or are at least occupying themselves for short periods of time so I can get a break during the day? DS doesn't nap anymore, so I have not one single second alone during the day. Some days I can make to the end of the day just fine, but some days I really need some space and quiet.

[ExuberantDaffodil]

To answer your question... yes. I could have written your post, except my son is 5 and the babe is 4 mos. And my husband put his laundry NEXT TO the hamper (???) instead of on top or inside.

I don't have any answers. Just wanted to commiserate.

[jmo]

Oh, I feel like this too. There's always at least one moment every day (often more) when I'm sure everything is about to descend into total chaos! My kids are 4 and 1 and I think a lot of it is the ages....hopefully.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

While I still feel this way sometimes, its much less often now that both of my kids are school aged. They still don't put their clothes in the hamper (no, that's not true, DS is great about it) but at least now I can have THEM fix it! There is chaos from other influences now ("Please have your child build a 3D model of the Pink Motel as described in the novel on page 25"), but they are more predictable and the kids can be more responsible for them. So I'm pretty sure it will get better!

[Kuba'sMama]

I could've written down your exact post, word for word. Especially about the anxiety part, the type A part and the need to sit down after the kids are in bed! Does it get easier? well, I'm still waiting for it! I think for me part of it is now I've been a SAHM for almost 7 years, so the same chores get old every single day. I think my home was cleaner when my kids were smaller. I was fresh and excited about being a SAHM, my kids napped for 2 hours in the afternoon and we didn't have to deal with playdates, extracurriculars, two kids in two different schools, etc, etc. As you can see I share your frustration, lol.

[ernalala]

BTDT.

At those ages, 2 smal kiddos, it often IS total chaos.
It WILL get better when they're a few years older (ours now 6 and 4 is getting better at some points but of course always new things come up :-).

What was truly a life saver for myself is to NOT, really NOT focus on what doesn't, didn't or won't get done, to not make yourself feel guilty about this at all either, to let go of the major endless to do lists in your head and also important:to take things one at a time, and even more sensible: to divide chores in little bits and pieces. Only goal: almost everyday you do SOMETHING (like: cleaning one window, other maybe next day) and if you can do more, great, that will help you in catching up over the months. If you focus on the whole downstairs-needing-to-be-cleaned in one/two days and you seriously 'fail', that causes tremendous stress, day afer day; if you focus on the basics (cooking, maybe dishes, following up laundry, and firstly and most importantly: everything related to childcare) and besides those get something EXTRA done, you wiill feel like you 'achieved' something and will get there eventually . But do not plan too much of it, take each moment when it presents itself and when a child needs you, leave the other task in the middle as soon as you can do that (meaning soon, but safely :-). And just try to mind mess and a little extra dust less than before to keep your sanity. Also, decluttering when you pass by is the best way to go. During the day I am constantly removing things and putting things back in place or in a box waiting too be brought up/donstairs again and when its full you take it there to put things in place; I now do this without realising anymore, and it saves me energy, kilometers, and clutter-stress, too.

Recently I had a long-distance full-time WOH childless friend on the phone and I think she did not figure out what sahm+children in means in reality, she asked what I do and if I am cleaning all day, or what. Uh no, when would I do THAT. Lol.
(well, here and there, yes, but it's not my priority at all)

[dachshundqueen]

Controlled and/or organized chaos - at all times.

DH works two jobs and doesn't help out at all due to his schedule. So yeah, chaos 24/7 for me.

Liz

[just_lily]

Two steps is way more buffer than we usually get around here.

In addition to my own DD (20 months) I run a home daycare. Five days a week, up to ten hours a day I also have a nearly 2yo girl, a 2.5yo girl, and a 3.5yo boy. I also have another 3.5yo boy and a 5yo boy from time to time - sometimes all at the same time, and then it is really nuts! We have 150lbs of dog (one 55lbs, one 95lbs) that shed and drag in dirt, and my DF works at home as well so he is around making dishes and whatnot. Oh - and my dishwasher is broken. ACK!!

I am lucky in that all of my regulars nap, but it is usually just enough time for me to clean up from lunch and have something to eat myself before someone is up. I have a fair bit of energy in the mornings but with all the kids around I can't get away to get anything done. I am lucky if I can run a load of laundry through the wash - actually folding it is out of the question. Just taking a minute to go to the bathroom is a huge risk because who knows what kind of disaster I will come back to.

By the time everyone goes home and DF is done his own work and joins the family I am just about done. I make dinner, and then just want to go to bed!!

Keeping up with dishes, laundry, dog hair and toys is about all we manage during the week. On the weekends we are busy too, but that is when we try to get in mopping the floors and cleaning the bathrooms. My friends are all talking about spring cleaning and I have to laugh or else I will cry - I just want to be able to get my regular daily and weekly cleaning done. Getting time to take down and wash my curtains is just a pipe dream!!

Anyways, I am loving this thread. I am glad I am not the only one in chaos!

[seaheroine]

Total, complete chaos...and a big mess!
I have truly never felt so out of control in my entire life...it is definitely a WOW feeling!

[Tigerchild]

I can relate...though to be honest you, over the years and many popped brain cells, I'm starting to be able to deal with it better.

This year was the first year that I had all of my kids out of the house for the entire school day (we do half day, 4 day a week kindy here). Unfortunately, I was so full of anxiety over this, that I overcommitted myself hugely with volunteering and school and elsewhere--so I have LESS time to do things with the house than when I had three preschoolers at home. So if you do that, it won't improve!!

Next year, I know to guard my time a bit more. And of course, my kids are older and we've instituted allowances and "family contribution expectations" so the kid mess is a little more handled--by them, not me.

[One_Girl]

I have felt like that since I graduated. I am homeschooling my dd while I look for employement in my field, and I feel like I am barely holding it together. I find that I can function better when I take some time for myself in the morning even if that means I am ignoring the paper scraps, yarn pieces, and toys that are being strewn all over the house. Big bins instead of spots for each toy also really help my sanity because my dd can throw all of the toys in big bins quickly so there isn't a fuss about clean up.

[meco]

I feel two steps away from chaos quite often. But it's a different kind of two-steps-from-chaos than when my child was younger. My son is 7 now. There's still a lot to balance--family time, work, volunteering, school, social lives for us both, extracurriculars, etc. But it seems to get easier to work it all out and find a balance as my child gets older. Also, my child continues to become more and more capable, and he is able to help out a lot more. And while he still makes mess, they are less and less and he can help clean up as well.

At the very least, I seem to get better at managing it all. Even though, it still ebbs and flows. I try to embrace it and make the best of it.

[applecider]

My youngest is 1 so just in that phase of making huge messes, not being able to help clean them up and needing mommy all the time so I can't clean them up either. It's not a great combo! Reading the PPs makes me realize that basically, "this too shall pass". At some point, he will be able to help, not make such a big mess and not need me to hold him all the time. At which point maybe I will be able to take better care of the house. So to answer your question, YES. I do feel like I am one step away, better yet, I am IN constant chaos! I feel like I just need to get through this time as smoothly as possible and not expect too much from myself which is way easier said than done. Most days I forget that this will not last forever and I feel hugely guilty for not being able to cook dinner-fold laundry-teach my son something-play, read, knit, clean...the list goes on. Also I find that if I start reading too much facebook/blogs I start to feel like other moms have it down/are doing so much more than me. It's hard not to want to compare. But I guess I need to remember that I am me, not them and who knows what goes on in their real lives anyway? All I'm getting is a snippet.

Whew, that got long, but I do understand! So and here's to managed chaos!

[4Marmalade]

I definitely feel this way too. It seems like everything is under control and then there's one little hiccup in the day and it all spirals downwards from there. The type A personality can help when it comes to organizing our lives and household but it's not so great when I need to let things go. Four kids 7 and under make big messes .

[ginadc]

Better question: do I ever feel like my life is not two steps (or fewer) away from total chaos? I once updated my Facebook status to read: "Ginadc is battling entropy, with limited success."

[craft_media_hero]

Oh, I am right there with you, momma!

My partner actually does have ADD, and he doesn't take anything for it. I try to keep that in mind as he leaves so many tasks half finished around the house. I am grateful for any help at all, even if he only does part of a load of dishes.

It's rough. Dp doesn't cook or do laundry or pretty much any of the household stuff, well, that's not completely true, he has a weekend tradition of sweeping and mopping our tile floors, so yay! for that.

But yeah, I wake up and have this great plan and these little boxes to check off, and then at the end of the day I'm still surrounded by laundry and dishes! Whew!

[mama*pisces]

Originally Posted by ernalala

BTDT.

At those ages, 2 smal kiddos, it often IS total chaos.
It WILL get better when they're a few years older (ours now 6 and 4 is getting better at some points but of course always new things come up :-).

What was truly a life saver for myself is to NOT, really NOT focus on what doesn't, didn't or won't get done, to not make yourself feel guilty about this at all either, to let go of the major endless to do lists in your head and also important:to take things one at a time, and even more sensible: to divide chores in little bits and pieces. Only goal: almost everyday you do SOMETHING (like: cleaning one window, other maybe next day) and if you can do more, great, that will help you in catching up over the months. If you focus on the whole downstairs-needing-to-be-cleaned in one/two days and you seriously 'fail', that causes tremendous stress, day afer day; if you focus on the basics (cooking, maybe dishes, following up laundry, and firstly and most importantly: everything related to childcare) and besides those get something EXTRA done, you wiill feel like you 'achieved' something and will get there eventually . But do not plan too much of it, take each moment when it presents itself and when a child needs you, leave the other task in the middle as soon as you can do that (meaning soon, but safely :-). And just try to mind mess and a little extra dust less than before to keep your sanity. Also, decluttering when you pass by is the best way to go. During the day I am constantly removing things and putting things back in place or in a box waiting too be brought up/donstairs again and when its full you take it there to put things in place; I now do this without realising anymore, and it saves me energy, kilometers, and clutter-stress, too.

Recently I had a long-distance full-time WOH childless friend on the phone and I think she did not figure out what sahm+children in means in reality, she asked what I do and if I am cleaning all day, or what. Uh no, when would I do THAT. Lol.
(well, here and there, yes, but it's not my priority at all)

Thank you, this is such a great post! Especially the part about the boxes for the up/downstairs stuff, I very much need to do that....currently there is a PILE of stuff on the landing of our stairs from when I cleaned the first floor yesterday(that was no small feat, let me tell ya). The pile is OVERWHELMING, and I think a box would be greatly helpful, providing that I am adamant about taking it upstairs, or vice-versa, when it is full (and not let it get to the point of overflowing).

Thank you, OP, it is good to know that I'm not alone. I want (feels more like need!!) a cleaning lady soooo bad that it almost hurts, just for one day, so I can start over with a clean slate and some sort of cleaning schedule. Right now I am just playing catch-up, but it's been this way since CHRISTMAS, with seemingly no end in sight.

De-clutter as I pass, de-clutter as I pass....and a box for the stairs.