Spin-off: Do YOU think you spend too much time on the internet for a parent?

[tinuviel_k]

This is a spin-off on the "do people ever infer you spend too much time online for a parent?" thread.

As I was answering that thread it got me to thinking: I really DO feel like I spend too much time on the computer and online for a parent. I don't know how much time I spend total in a day, but if I am being absolutely honest it must be in the 2+ hour range.

I have a million reasons why my time spent online has been valuable to me: I get social interaction, I learn about so many new subjects, I've gleaned amazing parenting advice, have piled up great resources for many aspects of my life, it gives me something to do when I am bored or lonely... all great things!

But I also feel like it is taking away from my home and family life to some extent. While many of the things that I've learned online have helped me with parenting I've also noticed that I tend to "focus" on my online world too much. My daughter is never neglected, is usually happy, and is never unsafe. But there have been plenty of times where we could have been taking a walk, going to the playground, cooking a snack for fun, reading a book... only I have been having more "me time" online.

And even when I am alone (daughter at school for a few hours) and having free time... I KNOW there are better things that i could be doing with my time: going on a walk or a bike ride, organizing that paper pile, trying a new recipe, surprising my husband at work.

I keep a decently clean house, but it is cluttery, things get neglected, and I KNOW that if I spent an hour less on the computer every day I could have our living space look so much nicer.

I think what bothers me the most is how much I want to be online. When I am spending time with my awesome kiddo and we're having fun I shouldn't be thinking about that thread over in Frugality and Finances. I shouldn't be refreshing TAO all the time to see if there are new threads. I shouldn't be wondering if someone emailed me. I shouldn't feel the need to surf Amazon, or Woot, or that awesome little kids clothing boutique I found last week. I shouldn't be itching to get up, go to the computer, and stare at the screen for another hour instead of going to the rock climbing gym for some exercise.
I don't know why, but I think about being on the computer too much. it almost feels like an addiction.

I started thinking after responding to the other thread. How much is "too much?' I couldn't really come up with an answer. And then I thought about flipping it around. If my daughter was spending as much time on the computer as I am would I be happy about it? The answer came immediately: Absolutely Not. So where does that leave me with my own computer time and the example I am setting for my daughter?

Does anyone else feel similarly? Do you feel computer time is negatively affecting your parenting and home life? If you do, how do you limit your time? What is working (or not working) for you?

[Hoopin' Mama]

No. And yes.

Yes I spend too much time on the internet.

No, I don't spend too much time on the internet for a parent.

I take an appropriate amount, if not enough, time for myself a few minutes here and there and get on the internet. However, I think that time would be better spent if I did something else for myself besides surf the net.

make sense?

ETA: I look at it as a few minutes of untaxing downtime. If we didn't have the net, we'd probably find similar outlets: a few minutes with a magazine, a tv show, or chatting on the phone with our friends.

[Grace and Granola]

So glad to hear others think about this! No one has ever told me that I spend too much time on the net. But I feel the same as you do. I could be doing other things, and sometimes I CRAVE it, and that isn't a good feeling. I usually do most of my internet after the kids are in bed. But there is also that hour in the afternoon when my kids USED to take a nap, but now they just have "quiet time." If they don't stay in their rooms, and instead keep coming out to talk to me, I get really frustrated. And I know that frustration is just because I want to do what I want to do and not be bothered for that time. If I was cleaning the bathroom, I would probably welcome the interruption! So, that part bothers me...the part that takes away from my kids. But the time after they're in bed...well, I'm usually researching stuff to make our life better, so no guilt there.

[Juvysen]

I spend a *lot* of time on the internet... but my computer is in the living room where the kids are playing. I attend to things... I fold laundry while checking stuff, blah blah blah...

I probably spend too much time on the internet... but I find that when I don't "feed my brain" I end up with some serious anxiety issues, which aren't good either... SO, I don't know what a better answer is, for me, at this point, beyond having some serious community available to me, and getting out of the house/to social interactions more, which I just don't have available right now.

[momma4fun]

i started that other thread.

i DO wish i spent less time on the internet a lot of the time, but i'm really thankful for the internet everyday and sometimes i'm kind of proud at how i utilize it to get a lot done with it.

i'm not sure that i spend too much time for a parent. i figure if i wasn't a parent i'd be using it where possible there even if i wasn't a parent.

it really suits me -- i'm introverted, a voracious reader, hungry for knowledge in general and i can speed-read/respond.

i rationalize that if i could easily make money writing or having a web based business, i'd be a work at home parent, so my kids would see me in front of the computer all the time anyway. i've done both and taken classes online in the past before as a parent.

i also rationalize it/ feel ok about it because my use IS cyclical. i'm barely on when the kids are awake and it's spring/summer. we've got too much going on then. so it's kind of nice to just cozy up inside all winter.

it's probably an issue i'll feel guilt about occasionally for the rest of my life. i understand the viewpoint that it's not a good example for a parent to be in front of a screen all the time. it used to be my opinion, but i've changed my mind about it quite a bit.

we have youtube dance parties at my house. when it buffers, we freeze (we don't have the fastest connection, lol) anyone else?

[no5no5]

I spend too much time on the internet for a person. It's become a major crutch since I developed some health issues that make it harder for me to do the things I used to do. It's lame, and I'm working on it. But being a parent just isn't related, except insofar as being healthy as a person is an important part of being a good parent.

[Storm Bride]

I do, but I know why, and I know how it happened. I'm trending down right now, and I think this one is gonig to correct itself over the next few months. My need for it has decreased dramatically, and now I just need to deal with the habit side of it.

[bright_eyes]

I have such a love/hate relationship with the internet. It totally feels like an addiction. And I don't even spend that much time on it. The computer is in the basement so I don't spend a whole lot of time in it when the kids are awake but I will spent a couple hours most evenings. I probably spend between 1-3 hours a day and some days I spend no time. '

But I hate that I think about it a lot. I check my face book waaaay too often. I think about going on the computer more than I would like to and every time I am on it I think about how I really shouldn't because I have more important things to do. Right now I should really be in bed.

The thing I hate is that often I will sit down at the computer with a goal in mind of what I want to do, but often I never get around to it because I get distracted and never come back to what I want to do. For example, I will want to look for a recipe to make for the next day and never end up looking for recipes.

I keep thinking I should cancel our internet because it takes so much away from the life I want to be living. There are way too many times where I find myself wasting time on the internet and not doing the things I would really like to be doing. But I'm just not sure I could live without it. I love being able to map quest stuff, look up a phone number, put books on hold at the library, do online banking, ect and it would be hard having to live without them. Then I think that maybe I should just cancel my fb account but all my family is on it and we live far from them and that would be hard also.

I just wish that I had more self discipline and could just spent less time on the internet!

[LynnS6]

Yes, and some days my kids complain.

Over spring break, I'm going to limit the kids to screen time either before 9 am or after 5 pm (they rarely have any after dinner, so it's moot). And I realize that means that I'm going to have limit myself too for non-work things. I started thinking... maybe 10 am would be a better time, I'll have had my 3 cups of tea and be ready to start the day... what about 11 to 4... .

9 to 5 it's going to be. I might actually get the house clean and my syllabus for next term done early!

[applecider]

OP - I think about this daily. I am in the same boat as you only you said it so much more eloquently than I ever could have. Do I spend too much time on the internet? Well, it's 1:30 am and here I am! Due to some pain killers I took that have caffeine. But anyway, I was thinking that I spent WAY too much time online and I was feeling hugely guilty about it. Then I decided that maybe I should look at it the opposite and embrace the internet in my life. Then I went out and bought a laptop . Needless to say, embracing it has just excaserbated my problem. I KNOW I spend too much time on the internet and it has totally become an addiction. I research, entertain myself, be social, do my banking, you name it, I do it online. I want desperately to implement some kinds of routine/order in our lives and I think it needs to start with me getting OFF the computer during regular hours. I do feel that my kids are starting to suffer. The problem is when do I start? Just a bit more...just one more minute...just one more thing. I think I need to decide on something and try and stick to it. Like a PP said, would I want my kid to be online this much? Absolutely not!!

Hmmm...maybe we should start an internet accountability thread? I know when I was in school and studying I started a study thread here and that really helped to check in everyday. I know it seems really ironic to do that here on the internet, but hey, whatever works, right?

Anyhoo, I just want to say that I SO relate to you and could have said everything you have said. It is addiction-like in that I want to stop but I feel like I can't....and I think about being online ALL THE TIME. It does not feel healthy.

[momma4fun]

i've had about 6 years to think about/ponder on/struggle with this subject.

that included -- getting rid of the computer for long periods of time, having my husband take the router with him to work so i could only use it at night after the kids were in bed, and periods of just "embracing" it.

i'm sorry if this sounds crude, but i kind of liken my internet "addiction" to a kid who has just discovered masturbation. that kid is going to do whatever possible whenever possible to get some moments alone to furiously experiment right? and it could go on and on and seem obsessive for quite awhile.

but hopefully by the time this kid is an adult, he will have developed some boundaries, and have it down to a well regulated science, just a part of the routine, right?

i don't think i'm really addicted to the internet. i didn't have a computer growing up at all. it's a new habit/lifestyle that was so intriguing i got obsessed with it for a while. i'm never going to stop using the computer. i think i had to just go crazy with it to figure out how it would fit in to my life.

i'm a young mother. i had my first 10 years ago at age 18. there's so much i missed out on learning, socially and daily routine-wise, because i never lived on my own or with roomates. i was just a mother from the beginning.

i'm not a perfect mom, that's impossible. in a perfect world, i would have been more mature and would have had my life routine down before i had kids. but it didn't happen like that and i've still got learning and maturing to do. i try to find a balance between meeting my own needs and meeting my kids' needs just like any other mother.

this last year i feel so much more in control of my computer use. i'm still on it a lot. but i'm a better mom when i don't feel guilty about it, or when i'm not constantly putting myself down about it, you know? and there's still a lot of room for improvement and i think it's just got to happen on it's own.

the internet is insane. it provides this crazy "new" lifestyle. we're all going thru an adjustment period with it and so many mothers everywhere are in this guilty boat about it. i wish there was a book about integrating the internet with our adult lives. maybe there is?!

[velochic]

Actually, I really don't. My dd is in school. My house is clean (maybe even spotless), I cook meals from scratch almost every day, garden, read, spend time at dd's school, work 15 hours a week, take care of my mother when she needs help. I don't have a facebook account and only participate here and a couple of cooking and gardening forums. I do a lot of research and work on the computer, so I'm on it for that, but otherwise, nothing is being neglected because of being on the computer.

I've been online, though, since @ 1991 when the world wide web was a new concept (as was GUI point-and-click interface of it) and when you could actually exhaust all resources on the internet in a couple of hours (I'm always reminded of the time I made the comment, "Wow, I reached the end of the internet" and there really wasn't any more info to be found), email was still in-line text and forums were bulletin boards and not GUI interfaces. I like it as a tool, but it's really nothing more than that to me. I could very easily live without it. Then again, I work in a library, where for the most part, any piece of information could be found in a book.

Now books... I couldn't live without and I probably spend more time than I should on them.

[tinuviel_k]

Originally Posted by bright_eyes

I have such a love/hate relationship with the internet. It totally feels like an addiction. And I don't even spend that much time on it. The computer is in the basement so I don't spend a whole lot of time in it when the kids are awake but I will spent a couple hours most evenings. I probably spend between 1-3 hours a day and some days I spend no time. '

But I hate that I think about it a lot. I check my face book waaaay too often. I think about going on the computer more than I would like to and every time I am on it I think about how I really shouldn't because I have more important things to do. Right now I should really be in bed.

The thing I hate is that often I will sit down at the computer with a goal in mind of what I want to do, but often I never get around to it because I get distracted and never come back to what I want to do. For example, I will want to look for a recipe to make for the next day and never end up looking for recipes.

I keep thinking I should cancel our internet because it takes so much away from the life I want to be living. There are way too many times where I find myself wasting time on the internet and not doing the things I would really like to be doing. But I'm just not sure I could live without it. I love being able to map quest stuff, look up a phone number, put books on hold at the library, do online banking, ect and it would be hard having to live without them. Then I think that maybe I should just cancel my fb account but all my family is on it and we live far from them and that would be hard also.

I just wish that I had more self discipline and could just spent less time on the internet!

I really could have written this post myself. i feel like I am in the exact same place.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by bright_eyes

The thing I hate is that often I will sit down at the computer with a goal in mind of what I want to do, but often I never get around to it because I get distracted and never come back to what I want to do. For example, I will want to look for a recipe to make for the next day and never end up looking for recipes.

This is my single biggest problem. I'm getting a bit better, but I can't count the number of times I've sat down at the computer to find a recipe, pay some bills, send a specific email to dh, look up a program or resource I want for dd1, or whatever...and ended up spending an hour mucking around here or on Facebook or whatever, and never even opened the tab I originally intended to open. It's the one big habit I still need to break.

(Right now, however, I'm just goofing off, while the kids colour. I should probably be doing some housework, but I'm feeling really lazy this morning. I'd like to go back to bed.)

[JennTheMomma]

No. I spend 15 - 30 minutes in the morning on the internet when DS is still asleep.

[becoming]

Yes, I do. I work full-time from home on the computer, so I'm required to be on it 4-6 hours a day anyway. And like right now, I'm getting ready for the day with the computer open, so it's taken me probably 30 minutes longer to get ready than it would if I was "unplugged." I use things like looking up phone numbers, checking my bank account, looking up a recipe as an excuse to pull up Facebook one more time. I HATE IT. I am seriously considering deleting my FB account, but I feel like I would have ZERO social life without FB. (We live in a very rural area - population 180 - and I only have one real friend who lives far away from me.) But I think a lot about how, in 20 years when my kids are grown and gone, am I going to be glad I played on FB all the time, or am I going to wish I had these years back with my babies? I think my new rule is going to be to only FB and get on forums while I'm actively working & shut the computer all the way down when I finish working. That way at least maybe I would think, That's not important enough to wait for the computer to boot up.

[philomom]

No. My kids are at school all day. I check in a couple times a day for 15 minutes each time. Maybe just one hour of computer time for the whole day.

[ann_of_loxley]

I think I spend a fair amount of time on the internet - but too much time for a parent?...No. This is simply because the house is not neglected, my son is not neglected - my family life in general is not neglected. I know when to say 'enough is enough' or 'I don't have time for this right now because I have to see to/do xyz - or whatever'. If any of these areas of family life were neglected - then yeah, I would feel that I spent too much time on the internet as a parent or as anyone really! lol