Fwd email from MIL about spanking, etc - WWYD? - Page 2

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by Kirsten

I don't take it literally. I don't think it means I should beat my kids. And I don't find the general idea that kids were held to a higher standard of respect (whether it was genuine or not) generations ago than they are now to be offensive. It is pretty much true, and it HAS led to a lot of problems in our country.

I don't spank my kids. I am not religious and certainly don't take them to church. But I have a lot of gratitude for parents who raise kids to have manners and respect - who raise kids that get told no sometimes.

I would delete and ignore the email, and try not to let it get you worked up. Parent however you and your dp decide to. MIL has no input unless you let her.

[lalemma]

I was expecting some kind of crazy pro-spanking article.

The forward just seemed like generic "Back in my day, things were so much better!!!" hooey.

I would ignore it.

[Grace and Granola]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Since she sent it out to a group, I would leave it and let her know later that you don't agree...if it ever comes up.

If she had sent it to just you, that would be more offensive and pushy. Treat this just like a facebook post....without a dislike button.

It's good that you know how she feels about this though. That'll make you think twice before using her for childcare, no?

This.

If it was sent just to you as a way to criticize or influence your parenting style, then maybe it would warrant a response. Treat this like you would any other piece of junk mail.

[Adasmommy]

You also have the option of replying in a lighthearted way with the general idea of:

Call me an optimist, but I intend to help my children build character through my example of love and understanding--neither kind of "drug" for my kiddos!

[Smithie]

This is probably something that your MIL sent out without a moment's thought, and I'd ignore it as far as a response goes.

However, if you were to keep it mind to raise your children in such a way that "conventional" parents will never look at them at think "gee, that kid is acting like a jerk, s/he would really benefit from being drug out to the woodshed!" then you'd be creating some good PR for gentle discipline.

To my mind, that article is a conservative older person's way of saying "My parents paid close attention to my behavior and how it affected other people. They valued manners. They valued social responsibility. They spent time and energy shaping my character and habits, and I'm grateful to them now for the self-mastery I attained in childhood."

Forming a sound character is basically what most MDC mamas want to do four our own children. We just don't think corporal punishment in furtherance of character-building is 1) morally sound and/or 2) effective.

[SomethingAnonymous]

Originally Posted by green betty

I would intentionally misunderstand it and write back to say, "I know, can you believe the ignorant, awful things some people think? As if treating a beloved child with unloving behavior was a good thing! Black is white! Night is day! Thanks for the laugh, MIL!"

But then I'm evil like that.

lol. That is what I ended up sending back.

The worst part of all this- is that after talking to my DP about it, he has told me about how he doesn't even understand what I am talking about. He says he did have his mouth washed out with soap, and he was hit at home and in school, and he thinks it was good. So now we have that divide between us.

I guess it was good for this email to reveal how they both feel about it. I was hit and punished in a lot of bad ways as a kid, and the email just really seemed to bring that trauma to the surface for me. It's very hard for me to see anything like this and not get tears in my eyes. Maybe it was a joke, I don't know. After getting some more information about MIL though- it sounds like this was exactly her kind of parenting.

[vrclay]

As a general rule I erase all forwarded emails from my FIL without even oppening them. After 2 or 3 rants about immigration, liberal leaning govt, etc, I just decided I'd spare myself the hateful stuff. Maybe something to consider...

[LionTigerBear]

Originally Posted by SomethingAnonymous

I guess it was good for this email to reveal how they both feel about it. I was hit and punished in a lot of bad ways as a kid, and the email just really seemed to bring that trauma to the surface for me. It's very hard for me to see anything like this and not get tears in my eyes. Maybe it was a joke, I don't know. After getting some more information about MIL though- it sounds like this was exactly her kind of parenting.

Well, I agree with you. I think it's disgusting. It's not a small thing.

[SomethingAnonymous]

Originally Posted by LionTigerBear

Well, I agree with you. I think it's disgusting. It's not a small thing.

Thank you, that means a lot.

[SomethingAnonymous]

Originally Posted by vrclay

As a general rule I erase all forwarded emails from my FIL without even oppening them. After 2 or 3 rants about immigration, liberal leaning govt, etc, I just decided I'd spare myself the hateful stuff. Maybe something to consider...

Yeah it is a good idea. I already have a filter for all emails with FWD in them. Maybe I will have to filter out her email completely. The weird thing is that I send her emails about what the kids have been up to, with a few pictures- and she never responds. She doesn't call us. But yet, I get fwd emails every day from her.

[MusicianDad]

There have always been drug problems. Most people are just too set on what the "remember" things were to remember what was really happening. The main drug just changes. Meth now, before that it was X, and before that Heroin, and before that LSD... really it goes back a long way.

I do remember someone saying to me once when that thing cropped up again, as it is want to do every few years. "I had all those drug problems, end still ended up with the other kind of drug problem."

[Jaesun's Dad]

Originally Posted by SomethingAnonymous

The weird thing is that I send her emails about what the kids have been up to, with a few pictures- and she never responds. She doesn't call us. But yet, I get fwd emails every day from her.

My dad's wife had me on her mailing list for a while. She'd forward mostly religious stuff. I just ignored them and eventually she stopped sending stuff.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by LionTigerBear

Umm, hello, the generation born in the 50s and 60s had major drug problems . . . they are also, in my opinion and the opinion of many analysts, the most self-absorbed and non-family-oriented generation yet*. I think people set up this idea of the "good old days" but honestly, there was no such thing.

*ETA: and very materialistic and consumeristic . . .

gee thanks for the generalization about my generation.

[LionTigerBear]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

gee thanks for the generalization about my generation.

Oh, I could make a sharp critique of my own generation, too. The point is, there are no "good old days". No saintly generations that I can think of in recent history. Well, the Greatest Generation came closer, but they had an Occasion to rise to.

[Oubliette8]

Originally Posted by SomethingAnonymous

I guess it was good for this email to reveal how they both feel about it. I was hit and punished in a lot of bad ways as a kid, and the email just really seemed to bring that trauma to the surface for me. It's very hard for me to see anything like this and not get tears in my eyes. Maybe it was a joke, I don't know. After getting some more information about MIL though- it sounds like this was exactly her kind of parenting.

I completely understand. At my last job I had a coworker who would occasionally talk about how "back in the day we got the belt, and it was good for us!" Thankfully never to me, but loud enough so anyone within 50ft could hear. I'd have to go hide in the backroom and calm down for a bit whenever it happened, because it would trigger me so bad with memories and flashbacks. Unfortunately I never did find a good way to address the issue. i wish I'd had a snappy comeback so I didn't have to worry about it. Hugs.