There's something to be said for keeping it light, and something to be said for structure. Young kids can do line dances in groups and have lots of fun with the Macarena or Elec Slide. I have taught coming-of-age cotillion, 7 & 8th graders. Many dance teachers have never taught a program like this, so your daughter’s teacher may need ideas.
In my case I was lucky the numbers were about even, about 12 each of boys and girls, most attending weekly for 6 weeks, then the party. Of course there were the popular kids, the unpopular kids, the short boys, tall girls, the immature, the goofballs, etc. At times it was like herding cats.
The dance teacher is responsible to teach the kids how to engage socially. I was specifically tasked to do this when I was hired, as part of their coming-of-age program. It wasn't easy. However, the parents were so pleased after the final party, I was overwhelmed with compliments. I got the sense some parents didn’t believe it was possible until they saw it.
1. I took my husband! (Lucky he could come.) He made a special effort to come and assist several classes, to role model for the boys. I believe this was invaluable. He role-modeled kindness by dancing with the less popular girls. He showed the boys how to act like a gentleman.
2. At the beginning, the first 3 classes, I worked specifically on how to ask someone to dance. They need to learn a method they can count on, and the class needs to be a safe place to practice the method, a safety zone. So we established class rules (yes, rules):
A. Your goal is to dance with every single partner in the room over the next 6 weeks. We are all friends here. Have fun with everyone.
B. It's only a single dance, then you can dance with someone else. Dancing is spending a few minutes with a classmate, like being on a team together. No pressure.
C. This is a place where we practice kindness to everyone. If someone asks, the answer is always Yes unless you are physically incapable of dancing at that time, such as a sprained ankle, which in case you will be sitting on the sidelines. In this class you will never be so rude and hurtful as to say No to one person and be seen minutes later dancing with someone else.
D. If genders are uneven, just pair up two boys or two girls so everyone can participate. Nobody sits out for lack of a partner.
E. When a dance is over, thank your partner and walk together off the floor.
3. We practiced asking someone to dance. This is the hardest part for the kids. I separated the girls in one corner and the boys in another. In a circle, each person had to actually practice saying appropriate words out loud (and to much embarrassed laughter and “gay” comments in the boy’s circle). Something like: Would you do the next one with me? Hi, would you be my partner? Do you have a partner already, or would you do this one with me? (“Wanna dance?” is not acceptable.) We also practiced graceful regrets in case you already had a partner: I’m sorry, I already have a partner for this dance. Can we do the next one together? I’m sorry, Jim already asked me. How about the next dance? This only took 3-4 minutes but helped them practice getting appropriate words out, before having to face a potential partner. This was hard for them, and the repetition was essential. We did this the first 3 classes. The more often they try, the easier it becomes.
4. At the beginning of every dance they chose their own partners, but I ensured everyone was matched quickly. No-one was left hopelessly standing. Occasionally we had 2 girls or boys paired, or I would partner someone. I was very matter-of-fact that we're all in this together.
The course was a success. Not easy, but the results were amazing even to me. For the closing waltz, the kids asked their parents to dance. Smiling, teary-eyed parents were led onto the dance floor by their confident young teens. It was beautiful.
