WWYD? Unsolicited advice? - Page 2

[paquerette]

If she brought her baby with her and FF her there during the day, I would think that there is probably some misinformation that she has been told that her baby needs formula during the day. Maybe she's been told that bm isn't enough and that her baby needs formula "meals" during the day. Have the formula companies been actively pushing their crap in her country of origin? I'll bet that has a lot to do with it.

I would probably try to find a way to gently share that info with her, but I'm at a loss as to how to suggest you do so. Does LLL have any info for her language? That might be a start.

Does she babywear? That might help her deal with two babies at once.

[gbailey]

As a mother who wasn't able to breastfeed (not by choice and something I don't want to go into) I was hurt, offended and extremely annoyed by all of the people who commented on DD getting formula instead of breastmilk. The countless lectures really bothered me when most people had no idea what they were talking about in relation to my situation.

That being said, if it comes up in conversation again I dont see what's wrong with saying, "i've never heard that before?" or "that's not true from what I know." If that sparks her interest and she asks for more info then great but if it doesn't just leave it alone. Her child, her breasts.

OP,you have great intentions but I don't think you should go there.

[mambera]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Bratton

Some people cant pump. I had a very had time w/ it.

You know, I happen to have borderline low supply myself and my dd gets the odd bottle of formula (was 1-2 bottles daily before she started solids) so I am pretty well aware of how hurtful it can be to get well-intentioned advice from 'lactivists.' So I totally know what you mean and it definitely contributes to my general feeling of MYOB on this topic.

I would be shocked if she didnt know "breast is best".

See, I would actually not be shocked. This is why I even mentioned her educational level in my first post (and got flamed by subsequent posters for going there). Bc for most women in the US I feel like they probably would know, but for her I would not be surprised if she had no idea. She probably didn't understand a tenth of what she heard at her prenatal appointments.

If she didnt know is was better why would she try at all?

I suspect she bf at night because that is so much easier than making bottles in the middle of the night. Perhaps she thinks there is no significant difference between bm and formula and so does whatever is most convenient.

[Shera971]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Bosses don't tell their employees what to do with their breasts

Interesting take on the situation.

I guess if my boss were to make comments on breast feeding I would also feel uncomfortable - especially if my views were different. A boss to employee relationship is a lot more different than just mom to mom.

[gcgirl]

I agree; it's none of your business.

[Mrs. Bratton]

Originally Posted by mambera

You know, I happen to have borderline low supply myself and my dd gets the odd bottle of formula (was 1-2 bottles daily before she started solids) so I am pretty well aware of how hurtful it can be to get well-intentioned advice from 'lactivists.' So I totally know what you mean and it definitely contributes to my general feeling of MYOB on this topic.




See, I would actually not be shocked. This is why I even mentioned her educational level in my first post (and got flamed by subsequent posters for going there). Bc for most women in the US I feel like they probably would know, but for her I would not be surprised if she had no idea. She probably didn't understand a tenth of what she heard at her prenatal appointments.



I suspect she bf at night because that is so much easier than making bottles in the middle of the night. Perhaps she thinks there is no significant difference between bm and formula and so does whatever is most convenient.

FWIW I didnt realize English wasn't her first language when I posted. I dont know if it hadnt been mentioned yet or I just didnt read well. lol. Well, then maybe she isnt aware. I would just try to wait for her to bring up feeding in general and slip it in there.

Yeah, i never had any supply issues until returning to work. It was like the pump just didnt work. It didnt stimulate my supply AT ALL.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by wookie

just as an up-to-date-information, things are changing. there`s a lot more awareness and the younger generation is going the bf way a lot more. the `class thing`was most apparent in the 80`s and early 90s but not so any more.

I would also wonder, though, if she has some pressure from her mother to FF. Therefore she FF during the day and BF (what she wants) during the night. I think all you can do, OP, is make it clear that you support her choices and if she is feeding your child pumped milk/ seeing you bfeed during the day she must know what you think is best (I would think).



OP, is this nanny position going to be ongoing (as in, more than a few months). How do you feel about her not bringing her child long term. For me, that would be MUCH more of an issue (making sure she knows she can bring her own child to work). Especially if you see this being a long term commitment (years versus months) it would be great for your children to be raised together.

[lilyka]

I have worked a a nanny and I swear if my employer ever said anything to me about how i could do it better with my own child it would be the last day I worked for them. My family life is none of their buiness unless I ask for their advice.

you made sure she had everything she needed to make whatever choice she wanted. That is great. leave it at that.

[Forthwith]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Bosses don't tell their employees what to do with their breasts OR how to raise their kids. It's creepy. Really really creepy.

I agree. It would be massively inappropriate.

[intrepidmother]

Initially- I thought "definitely none of your business" - I often feel like North Americans have a "holier than thou" attitude and believe what *we* do is the best and everyone else (and what *they* do) is inferior.

However, it's obvious you have a relationship with her and since your husband is of the same nationality, there is some common ground.

There is a difference if you approach her out-of-blue, telling her that bfing is best or if you're having a discussion about bfing and you talk to her what your views are. If you are telling her- it sounds like an employer telling her employee what to do. If you are having a discussion- it's more like friends talking.

Honestly, though, I don't know how you could do it w/o being offensive.

[Ann-Marita]

Originally Posted by mambera

DH thinks I should discuss the risks of ff with her bc he thinks she probably is not well informed about this. ... I think this is just none of my business.

WWYD?

Your DH sounds a bit naive - many skirmishes in The Mommy Wars have been sparked by less than what he proposes. I think what you thought (that it's none of your business) is spot on.

What would I do? I'd tell my DH to butt out.

[*bejeweled*]

Definitely none of your business.

[limabean]

OP, it's nice that you've made it clear to her that she's welcome to bring her baby or pump during the day. I don't think there's anything you can do beyond that. Just tell your DH you're uncomfortable broaching the topic with her.

Originally Posted by Shera971

Interesting take on the situation.

I guess if my boss were to make comments on breast feeding I would also feel uncomfortable - especially if my views were different. A boss to employee relationship is a lot more different than just mom to mom.

Sorry to go OT, but I just have to share that the first time I met my boss's boss (when I was visibly pregnant), as he was shaking my hand during our introduction he said, "Are you going to breastfeed?" Uh ... hi, inappropriate much?!?

[pauletoy]

I would tell dh to mind his own business.