First Grandchild... how much should MIL visit? - Page 3

[Sharlla]

Originally Posted by Anastasiya

If I were you, I'd actually be quite honored. Seriously.

agreed.

[claddaghmom]

Well MIL lives about an hour away and the only time she sees DD is when I call, email and plan ahead enough to bring DD to her.


I don't try to dig into why or what's going on though b/c she is still very much a mother in her own household (youngest is 3yo).


I think you need to decide what really bothers you and what you can let go. Try to choose something that bothers you the most and then have an honest discussion w/ MIL about it.

If you really feel you don't want her visiting, try to assert that positively...like, "The best time for visiting will be X day, for the baby's birthday. We can't do visiting right now."

[honeybunmom]

I haven't read all of the response, but, I guess it really boils down to the quality of your relationship and the relationship you hope your child is able to develop with grandmother.

My mom lives out of state, about a 9-11 hour drive away. She arrived the day after ds's birth (was able to make it day of for dd) and stayed for a little more than 2 weeks. That was last March. We went on vacation with her in June. She came back in October for dd's birthday. Again for Christmas and will arrive on Thurs (her birthday) for ds's first birthday (the next day) and will stay through Easter Monday. When she's here she organizes my home (I WOH), cooks, helps me decorate (not my thing and she's great at it) and helps with the kids. I wish she lived in town. We have a great relationship, she's not overbearing, I love her taste in everything, she takes "no" well - I mean, there's just no down side to having her here.

Now, my MIL lives in town. She has been to my home ONCE since ds was born. I'm just appalled at how little interaction she has had with my kids. Granted, it is primarily my husband's fault since she does not drive. From time to time, I remind him that when our kids are older, they may look at their baby books and wonder why they have 5,555 pictures of them and Mimi - who lived in another state - and only 20 with Abuela who lived right in town with them. Gee, might they think Abuela loved them less? Kids internalize everything.

Now, granted, when she visited, she tried to tell me that her kids' pediatrician said she was smart for giving them Carnation canned milk instead of formula (whilst I nursed my son) and a few other idiotic things - but, I'm no mouse and I have no problem telling her what I will and won't do for my kids. I'd still like, for their sake, for them to spend more time with her. I don't want them screaming when she holds them or saying they don't like her. Finally, my 4 year old isn't saying that anymore. They need to have a relationship, from an early age (IMO), in order to build and nurture a bond.

Plus, she's old. I don't know how much longer she'll be with us and I want for my kids to have some memory of her.

[HisBeautifulWife]

Everyone is different. If it's too much for you then it's too much for you.

That would be too much for me especially if MIL was staying in my home. In fact, I couldn't do it. I can't do overnight guests unless it's a child. Anything else will be very unpleasant for everyone involved because I find it to be invasive and draining. I need my space.

5 times in less than a year?!? Oh no, I'd sign her up for a hotel rewards club card with a quickness.