What do you do when he hurts the dog?

[greenbeanmama]

Our three-year-old son loves our dog. He plays with him and "trains" him like Daddy does, etc. But for several months now (maybe it coincides with the birth of little sister? not sure) he'll be very nice one minute, and then he'll be mean to the dog. The dog doesn't have a mean bone in his body, but is high energy and very, very playful and will sometimes knock my son over when they play (they both weigh about thirty pounds). I have no problem putting the dog in his kennel if he's being super-rowdy, but I can't leave him in his kennel all day, and that doesn't address the issue of my son's behavior either. My son usually plays well with the dog, throwing toys, getting bones for him, wanting the dog to follow him from one room to another, etc. But at some point, he also started being mean to him. At first, my son would chase the dog with his lawn mower or dump truck or whatever. When a simple "please don't chase the dog" didn't work, the toys started getting put up for a while (from one day to a week, and now some are designated "outside only" toys). We seem to have gotten the chasing part under control, but I've caught my son grabbing the dogs skin and pulling hard, or intentionally stomping on his paws, etc. I've explained that we need to treat living creatures with care and respect, and I know he understands. It's not a matter of not knowing; it's a matter of deliberately trying to hurt the dog. He's almost always very gentle with the baby. I'm giving him as much one-on-one time as I can. I don't usually leave them alone together, but I also can't keep an eye on him every single second (and that's how fast it is - one minute they're lying together in the sunny spot by the window, the next, he's pulling the dog's ears). I don't know if he's picking up on the fact that I don't like the dog (I'm not a dog person, this is my husband's pet, but I'm the one home all day, so I'm the primary caregiver for the dog as well). The dog has been through obedience school, but does like to sneak food and chew on my son's socks, soft toys, etc. But none of the has changed since before my son started hurting him. How do I handle this?

[marinak1977]

I don't have any discipline advice for you, but for the child's and the dog's safety I would immediately separate them and keep them in different parts of the house unless I can pay attention to them and prevent abusive behavior. Even the nicest dog can eventually snap and end up hurting the child if provoked too far. Unfortunately that usually ends up with the dog being given away or more commonly put down - which is really sad. Can you setup some gates so that the dog has a room your son cannot get to?

[labdogs42]

I have a 5 year old and a Beagle puppy. If DS can't follow the rules re the dog, he needs to go play elsewhere (the playroom in the basement or his room). It isn't a "time out" necessarily, but a time away from the dog. He's allowed to come back and be around the dog when he feel ready to follow the rules again. Three might be a little young for this system, but you can give it a try. If DS comes back to play with the dog and breaks a rule again (e.g. kicking the dog or grabbing his tail), he goes back to his room. It does seem to be working.

[lonegirl]

Do not take toys away....separate him from the dog. If he can't play nicely, he can't play at all. All it takes is one bite and you could be in for some trouble. Even the nicest dog in the world has limits just as we do -think of all the posts of "I can't believe I yelled at my child"-this is us finally getting so frustrated we snap....
I think putting up a gate so your child doesn't have access to the dog the second he starts getting rough. It is the child, not the dog being aggressive so the child needs to be removed from the situation.

[Letitia]

I wouldn't expect any dog to be the perfect martyr forever, including my sweet old girl. I wouldn't consider abusive behavior toward a dog just "wrong," but dangerous. We try not to ever leave our dog alone with either of the kids. If there's ever any hint of meanness or roughness on their part, she goes into "protective custody" which is either outside or behind a babygate. Our kids will learn to treat animals well, but I don't want it to happen at the expense of a permanent disfiguring facial scar or hand damage. If we had consistent trouble, I can't imagine anything other than keeping them always separated.

[Adsullata]

Another vote for separation aka putting dog in "protective custody". We have two cats and 20 mo, so different animals, but we still have to teach our dd to be kind and have separated numerous times to keep everyone safe. I would just also suggest that when you separate them, remind your son what he *should* do (you must be gentle and kind to doggie, like this...) as opposed to what he *shouldn't* do (don't hit the doggie). When kids hear no this or don't do that, their human brains filter out the no's and don'ts and take in the rest of the sentence instead. Happens to adults to- that's why no smoking signs make smokers want to light up. Also why lifeguards at most public pools nowadays yell 'walk please' instead of 'don't run'.

[swd12422]

Definitely separate them, and also praise/comfort your dog after these incidents happen, so he knows he did the right thing by not reacting.

Our dog is skittish, but never bites. (We even tried to provoke him into biting or snapping at us before DS came along, to see if he had a limit. He didn't.) He didn't like DS when he was a baby, and would growl when DS came near. Unfortunately, DS couldn't take a hint, and I had a lot of trouble making a 16 month old understand "no doggie!" I thought I was doing okay keeping an eye on them, separating DS and the dog when the dog gave his warning, etc., but one day DS got too close while DH and I were RIGHT THERE and the dog got scared and snapped at him. Just grazed his forehead, but we all were scared.

It got the message through to DS, but obviously this is NOT the way to go. DS still pushes his luck, and now that he's older, he tries to play with the dog more. I always watch, always reward the dog with pets, attention, and treats when he "lets" DS near him without a reaction, and big praise when he gets his ears yanked on. Also, DS gives him his treats and dinner now, so there's a bit more of a "relationship" there now. We haven't had any other incidents, and the dog doesn't growl as much either.

Good luck. It's hard to be so vigilant all the time, but you really have to be.