quick reassurance needed! 4 nights away from 21 month old

[calpurnia]

I am going on a trip tonight, & will be away for 4 nights from my 21 month old dd.

(please no flames & no suggestions to cancel. Neither are helpful).

I am feeling so upset about it suddenly! I have been looking forward to it, & as it got nearer & nearer been feeling an increasing sense of dread... DD will be looked after by her father, who she goes to sleep for okay, spends lots of time with etc. But I know she will miss me.

Positive stories? Children who survived separation?! Mothers who survived separation?!

It's my first overnight from her, although we have had nights where someone else put her to bed & someone else got up with her, i.e. I might as well not have been in the house.

Now, where did I put my handpump?

[nugget's mommy]

No flames here, mama! DH and I just got back from a wedding in New Orleans a few weeks ago. I was very conflicted about going. Ds2 (23mo) had only been away from me one other night this past August and still nurses 1-3 times a night. But this was a dear friend from kindergarten (we are 35) and it was not my place to convince her that kids should be allowed to go to her romantic destination wedding. From past posts I have read, I know many mamas would not have gone, and that is fine, too.

I am here to report that he did fine (so did ds1, but he is 5.5, so we were able to prep him). They both had a blast with MIL, MIL's sister, SIL and SIL's boyfriend. They kept them so busy they were exhausted each night (we were away 2 nights, which turned into 3 because Dulles is like the Willy Wonka factory and we missed our connection). Ds2 only woke up once each night and MIL was able to get him back down with a back rub which was surprising, but a big relief. Luckily it went even better than the dry run we had had in August, but in that case, we could've driven back at 2am if he was inconsolable (in that case, it took SIL 10 minutes and a bottle to get him back down). He must've realized I wasn't going to suddenly appear, because at home I have tried to sleep downstairs and have DH get up with him in the night to give me a break, but he cries and cries (5 min), so we always give up and I continue with my zombie-like state. Luckily MIL has zero problems cosleeping - she said he kept pushing his feet into her stomach, which is what he does with me. He was a little clingy when we first got back (to be expected) and got up 4 times to nurse that first night back, but that was the extent of it.

Sounds like your dd has practically done this before and will do fine, especially since she will be with daddy. If he can, just tell him to keep her busy, busy, busy!! Hope that helps .

[calebsmommy25]

Mama, you will both survive! Last month we went away from our 22 month old ds for 4 days on a surprise vacation dp planned. I was doing great the months up to going, thinking how much fun we would have, etc. When it came down to the days right before our trip, I was feeling so anxious and overwhelmed with sadness over leaving him. Ds stayed with my parents. He has been there millions times before, and was really excited. He did fine. We talked to him on the phone. Of course there were the times when he missed us, and called for me, but after some lovin from mama and papa he was fine. For me personally, it was alot harder leading up to the trip than it was to actually be there. But, when it came down to the last day and our trip home...I was ready to see my ds and nothing was going to get in my way to get back to him as soon as possible! I didn't want to stop for food, for a break, and barely for a pee break...I wanted to see my little boy!

She'll be fine. There is always the phone, and her Daddy will be there with her. Try not to worry Mama, and have a great time on your trip!

[calpurnia]

ah, thanks a lot mamas. I think I'll feel better when I'm actually *gone* & not just thinking about it! I found my breast pump too which is handy (she feeds about 2/3 times in 24 hours).

Thanks a lot! Jealous of you both going away with your partners - that will have to be our next step...

[lyra2007]

Unfortunately, I have had to travel quite a bit for work. My DD is 24 months and I've been travelling without her once or twice a month since I weaned her at about 16 months. It's usually 2-3 nights, but the longest I have been gone is 4 nights. She and her dad get along great! I know she misses me, and of course it kills me, but if there's a bright side, it's that it's made her and my husband really close.

Your daughter will be fine. My only advice is try to keep free the day after you get home. My DD has an AWFUL time in daycare the day after, so I try to either take the day off or at least shorten her day there. She can be a little clingy but what she really wants is some mama time.

Good luck and have fun.

[ASusan]

When I went away for several nights at 16 months, DS and DH got along just fine. I was sorta hoping that night-weaning would occur, but DH turned the night-waking into a "puffs party" because he thought DS might be hungry at 1am. So, there was a supply of corn puffs on my nightstand when I got home.

[JessieBird]

I just got home from five days in the hospital - in isolation for a gastro bug so 15 mo DS couldn't visit me at all. It was totally traumatic for me but he was fine! He was confused and cranky the first day but then happy as a clam for all the special attention that came with a new routine, an over-compensating super fun dad and grandparents visiting.

When I got home, DS wasn't particularly excited to see me at first. I was a bit saddened by this but I quickly saw what an incredibly close bond had formed between he and DH. They were tight before but now fireworks go off between them, the connection has reached new depths.

After the family left and I was feeling better, I still took a few more days off work and kept DS home from daycare so that we could be alone at home to re-bond. This time was totally worth it and you may feel that you need one or two days like that when you get home too.

Have a great trip and just look forward to all the stories DD and DH will have to tell you about the fun they got up to!

[limabean]

I've been away from my kids for up to 3 nights, and while the constant pumping was no fun, we all survived just fine! They had a great time with their daddy, and he had a great time with them. I missed them and they missed me, and we were all happy to see each other when I got home, but honestly I didn't even feel a whit of guilt -- they were with their other parent! DH said they asked for me sometimes, but there were no tremendous meltdowns or anything -- they did great! I even came home to a clean house, fresh sheets, a stocked fridge, and DH had bought a birthday present for DS's friend too.

My only advice would be to do your best to truly enjoy yourself while you're gone. The baby will be fine with DH, and you walking around gloomy and guilty won't help you get home any sooner, it'll just ruin your trip. And in 3 months when you're dying for some time to yourself, you'll be kicking yourself for not enjoying your time away more!

[Tummy]

I have a 21m old also. We have not spent one night apart yet. My mother has offered to keep her overnight recently, while keeping other kids, but neither me or my partner are ready for that!
Glad to see other posts, incite/advise!

[Luke's mama]

I left DS (then 20.5 mos) for a trip from Monday at noon until Weds at 11pm. I thought maybe he would wean, but he just nursed as always when I got into bed with him Weds. night. The next day he acted like nothing happened! I was a little disappointed there was no big homecoming! I was surprised how engorged I got while away and how much I needed to pump, though. Didn't realize I was making that much milk.

[calpurnia]

I'm back! I had a great trip & DD had a great time with her dad. Truthfully, it was hard to leave her but once I was gone I barely thought about her I had a fabulous time with my girlfriends & it was all good! I pumped once a day just for comfort, & she nursed straight away when I got home

PS DP spring cleaned our bedroom & living room while she was napping

[ASusan]

Yay! So good to hear!

[calebsmommy25]