psychologist appt.

[alicia622]

So I spoke with a psychologist yesterday about having DS evaluated. I have been growing increasingly concerned with some of his behaviors and am worried about how his genetic makeup is going to impact his mental health.

DS was our foster son prior to adoption and we spent over a year on the reunification track which means DH and I got to know his biologial parents and were privvy to some information about their mental health issuesa as well as their family histories. Also, at the age of 3 months, they were involved in psychological testing which included DS. After we went to pick DS up from the evals, the psychologist took me and DH aside and told us "do not adopt this child" he wouldn't elaborate on specifics but implied that he would have a very, very difficult time with mental health due to his genetic makeup.

I am feeling torn about all of this. On the one hand I think DS is totally fine and I am just letting my fears carry me away and I am reading too much into behaviors that could be typical for his age. But at the same time, I am scared to death and want to be as proactive as I can. I mean, statistics show he has a very high probability of developing bipolar disorder simply because of who his parents are. I don't want to make problems that aren't there though.

So, the child psychologist I spoke with will be meeting us in June to do some testing and assesment to give us a baseline. Help me feel okay about this!!!

[RedOakMomma]

Are you seeing a pediatric behavioral psychiatrist? I think the pediatric part is very important. There are so many disorders being overdiagnosed right now in children, and based on our experience (and the advice of others in the medical field we really trust, esp. our neurologists and therapists), many ped. psych departments are HUGE pill-pushers.

I think it's the right move to get him evaluated, definitely, if only for your peace of mind and having a baseline. BUT (and this is huge, huge, huge), you need to do a lot of calling and homework and investigating that you've chosen the right center/department to see him.

Our experience: Ds1 (PPD-NOS that, a year+ ago was causing aggression and self-harm) was in a really, really bad spot and we needed help. We'd avoided heavy doses of behavioral meds for a quite a while because we'd seen some of the PBS specials on medicating children with anti-psychotics and did NOT want to start in on that mess (I believe it was a Frontline special that really got into the issues for children...you could probably google it). We'd also seen and heard of friend's children that went on one med, then had a side effect so were put on another med, then had more side effects so were put on other meds...pretty soon kids are so medicated they can hardly function normally, much less be treated for symptoms or issues (is it the kid? is it the med?).

So, even though we were desperate for help (ds had put his hand through a window), we did some digging. We could take him to a local children's health center and commit him. Not happening. We could take him to the local children's hospital, where all his other care is (care we really respect and admire)...thing is, when we talked with our dr./therapy friends who know the system, they really cautioned us against it. Turns out this WHOLE department is a bunch of pill-pushers. Really...you know it's bad when everyone you talk to says "well......" to your questions on whether the department is where you should take your child. We had similar responses about other local departments at other local hospitals. Even with specialists in pediatric behavioral psych.

What finally helped was asking "if it was your kid, who would you want them to see?" We kept hearing one name over and over again. Called that office and it was over a month's wait, even when I broke down on the phone and begged for help. But we got an appointment, and waited, and it was SO WORTH IT.

Ds was on Risperdal at the time, something we'd kept at a very low dose and had been working for him for 6 or 7 months. Our Neurologist had upped the dose after ds's behaviors shot up and he was self-harming, but we hadn't seen any improvement. Did ds need another med? More meds? WHAT?!

This dr. we'd waited to see met with us for an hour, met with ds, and did something that completely shocked us...he didn't increase or change ds' meds at all. No new meds. Instead, he listened very carefully to what we said was happening and suggested that we give him the meds on a different schedule. (!!!) We were blown away, and honestly skeptical.

...But it worked. And a year+ later, that same dose is STILL working. We've found a dr. who really looks at our son, listens to us, and cares as much as we do (probably more) that our son is not overmedicated and gets ONLY what he needs in order to function more normally. That's a rarity in the field these days, no matter what a dr. might say to you.

So ask around. A LOT. Do you know any high-level med. folks you trust? Does your son get therapies? Do you have friends with kids who've received treatment? Could you ask in Finding Your Tribe? Ask everyone you know and make sure that this first appointment is with a dr. that prescribes (no pun intended) to the methods of treatment you feel are important. Beware of the dr.s (and there are so many of them these days) who will want to put your kids on med a, then med b, then med c and "see" if they work. Beware of dr.s who are quick to diagnose.

It's not easy, but some work beforehand in finding a dr. you really trust will give you ENORMOUS peace of mind in the years to come. It's worth the work and wait.

[alicia622]

Thanks ROM. This is a pediatric psychologist and we talked about completing primarily behavioral assessments. I am not looking for meds at this time at all. What I want to know is if what DS is exhibiting is 'normal' or if these are red flags that should be causing me to pay closer attention and really work at developing and following specific strategies or can we continue on in the trial and error manner that we have been.

I work in the field so I am somewhat familiar with the better providers in the area and feel good about my choice. I think she will be very objective and really listen to what I am trying to convey. She is booked up through the spring and so we won't be meeting until sometime in June but will be sending out some questionaires to DS's school before he gets out for the summer break.

I will continue to consider other docs as there may be someone I haven't thought of who would be a better option for us. That does make a lot of sense. Thanks again

[RedOakMomma]

If you're in the field, then I probably went on about a whole lotta stuff I didn't need to! Sorry about that! It's great that you have that "in," that knowledge, and I'm sure it's going to serve your family and your son well. Best of luck with your appointments!

[alicia622]

Oh, your post was very helpful!!! as you did remind me that all docs are different and it's important for me to be clear with myself what I am looking for. Also, I used to think it was totally fine to work only with a counselor and through the help of MDC as well as my job, I have realized that it's important to start with a higher level provider such as a psychologist.