School overnight field trip - Page 3

[amma_mama]

Originally Posted by velochic

Man, I hope I'm not discouraging anyone from co-sleeping, because we really don't see this as an issue *at all* in normal, everyday life. It's just these one-off situations where it can confuse the issues and cause problems. We're fine with co-sleeping, still... just thought at 4yo, 5yoyo, 6, 7yo... each year that dd would finally get over that hurdle and sleep in her own bed. Maybe it's our fault because we don't push her about this. It feels right, though as part of our commitment to GD.

Our DD is 5.5yo and I also never expected to be co-sleeping this long (and never expected to co-sleep when she was a baby). But here we are, doing what feels right, right now. One day (I should say night), your DD will be ready to be all on her own and ready for sleepovers.

[velochic]

GuildJen - I forgot to thank you for your suggestions. I have jotted them down and will ask about them at the next informational session we have.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by velochic

Man, I hope I'm not discouraging anyone from co-sleeping, because we really don't see this as an issue *at all* in normal, everyday life.

To be honest, I'm glad my co-sleeping days are done. If I was a newly pregnant woman, or toward the end, when 3yo ds was still coming into our bed (only for another month, but I didn't know that), I'd be kind of freaking out, reading this.

[eggplant]

Originally Posted by velochic

Thank you. I agree. I'm fine with her going if she is comfortable with it. Actually, it would be nice if they offered a day camp first.

It's hard for people to relate when it's such a foreign concept... co-sleeping at 8... and I realize that. It may be so unique that the only thing I can do is just not ask for outside advice from people who have never been in that situation and try my best to do what we can.

I don't think the responses here are necessarily due to people's not understanding the issue. Some may be, but I don't think it's useful to just dismiss them all on that basis.

FWIW, my daughter is almost nine and still co-sleeps. She has not once spent a night in her own bed. She has a few times slept with my mom instead. She has been on a few sleepovers, primarily with friends who have parents who will lie down with the kids to go to sleep and stay in the room (so, she still had an adult she knew and trusted sleeping with her).

She also went to sleepaway camp last summer for a few nights. And was fine. Nervous, and lonely at times, esp the first night, but fine, and VERY happy she did it. She clearly really really wanted to go. If she'd had a choice to do all the daytime stuff and come sleep with me at night, I'm pretty sure she'd have gone for that. But, it wasn't a choice, any more than that's a choice for your daughter, so it sort of doesn't matter if that's what she'd prefer.

For my daughter, we spoke quite a bit about the pros and cons. The bottom line was that she really really wanted to go, and was also very scared abt going and what the nighttime would be like. I saw my job as helping her with that fear so she could do the thing she really really wanted to go, and we did that in a few different ways. It helped that it was an intro to camping program, so really all or almost all of the kids were also at camp for the first time, and the counselors were well prepared for that. Which my daughter knew. I would think the same would be true for your daughter's trip, that at that age, surely for many of them it'll be their first time away from home like that, and so it's not like your daughter will stand out in that way. Further, she will be with lots of people she knows, and even if the teacher in her cabin isn't her beloved teacher, surely she will be kind and comforting to scared little kids in her care, as will all the other people around.

So, I vote that you help her to be able to go. I don't think that's the same thing at all as forcing her to go (she wants to go, but is scared), or telling her to suck it up (you'll be helping her to deal with her fears). I think it's helping her do something she wants to do, something that is also an expectation of the school you chose to enroll her in, and something that will be a continued expectation if she stays there, so starting with everyone else seems much more helpful to me than working to get her out of it now, thus potentially making next year's trip even more daunting.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by velochic

.

I want dd to have a realistic expectation and be able to accept the trip on her own terms. I don't want to ruin it for future years, IYKWIM.

There is a doll where a parents face is the doll's face; they are often given to children whose military parent is away. I forget what it's called...

[meemee]

velochic my dd is 7 and a sleeping velcro. when seh is with me she cosleeps, when seh is with her dad she forced him to cosleep.

however like pp said - because dd is so social and loves spending time with others she has happily slept away from me from when she was 6. we tried before and it didnt work. not even seperate bedrooms. she has been to sleepovers.

she was a little apprehensive about the camping trip as well as a trip to her cousins - being away from me for 10 days. she had never been away for more than 24 hours. i always explain to her that life is bittersweet. that you never get everything you want. that you get some and not the rest. she now believes that thru experience. at camp she was too tired to miss me and at her cousins she was having just too much fun and even cosleeping with her cousin to really feel sad or scared.

however at the same time one other little girl couldnt sleep in a tent away from her parents and had to go back there at night.

you know your dd. you know what she can do. i knew my dd could do it. she just needed to believe that she could. it may not be teh same thing in your case.

my dd is a v. touchy feely needy child. cosleeping is absolutely ESSENTIAL for her. its kinda her therapy. however she is also a party girl and she can party without me for short periods of time. she can give up her cosleeping part for a little while to be able to party.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by meemee

the thing is you dont know. neither does your dd. until she tries it. it could be a breeze. it could be traumatic. you just dont know.

seriously i think the only way of knowing is by doing in her case. the what ifs you can talk about till the cows come home but you still wont have an answer.

the key is empowering your dd. i have a 7 year old with anxiety. i know what you are talking about.

dd has surprised me quite a bit where i thought no way would she be able to pull it off. i wouldnt try to sleep alone at home. the camp would be a completely different thing.

what i try and do with my dd - since everything is scary for her - i tell her yes its going to be perhaps scary, etc, BUT remember its only for so many hours. in many many cases this has really worked well for her. not to know what 'bad' to expect but the options in case she is scared. and later i always go over how she did it, or its ok if she couldnt. she could try it again later.

dd is really, really scared of the dark. one night while camping she chose to wait in the darn night as we went back to get batteries from the car parked 10 mins walk away. even today i tell her how surprised i was that she chose that option and that she figured out a way to keep the fear at bay.

is your dd willing to give it a try? if she is - then that is 90% of the battle won.

Originally Posted by meemee

velochic my dd is 7 and a sleeping velcro. when seh is with me she cosleeps, when seh is with her dad she forced him to cosleep.

however like pp said - because dd is so social and loves spending time with others she has happily slept away from me from when she was 6. we tried before and it didnt work. not even seperate bedrooms. she has been to sleepovers.

she was a little apprehensive about the camping trip as well as a trip to her cousins - being away from me for 10 days. she had never been away for more than 24 hours. i always explain to her that life is bittersweet. that you never get everything you want. that you get some and not the rest. she now believes that thru experience. at camp she was too tired to miss me and at her cousins she was having just too much fun and even cosleeping with her cousin to really feel sad or scared.

however at the same time one other little girl couldnt sleep in a tent away from her parents and had to go back there at night.

you know your dd. you know what she can do. i knew my dd could do it. she just needed to believe that she could. it may not be teh same thing in your case.

my dd is a v. touchy feely needy child. cosleeping is absolutely ESSENTIAL for her. its kinda her therapy. however she is also a party girl and she can party without me for short periods of time. she can give up her cosleeping part for a little while to be able to party.

I'm not sure why you're trying so hard to convince me about this. I've already said that if decides to go, great. I'm not going to hold her back, for sure (I want her to go). If not, I'm not going to force her. There have been some good suggestions from this thread that I'll employ but if they don't work, they don't work, and we'll try again next year.

[Dar]

I think the point that she was trying to make is that plenty of die-hard co-sleepers actually do just fine doing stuff like camping trips (and plenty of kids who sleep alone struggle with camping trips). I also don't see it as a co-sleeping issue. My kid co-slept at 8 (and for years afterwards) but also had no trouble starting to do stuff like this at 7-8ish...

[velochic]

Originally Posted by Dar

I also don't see it as a co-sleeping issue.

In dd's case it very much *is* a co-sleeping issue, though.

[je309]

Originally Posted by Dar

I think the point that she was trying to make is that plenty of die-hard co-sleepers actually do just fine doing stuff like camping trips (and plenty of kids who sleep alone struggle with camping trips). I also don't see it as a co-sleeping issue. My kid co-slept at 8 (and for years afterwards) but also had no trouble starting to do stuff like this at 7-8ish...

I agree with this. I hope you get it all figured out. From your posts it sounds as though she wants to give this a try and I hope it's an enjoyable experience for her. Even if she's a little scared, I don't think it will scar her for life... Kids are much more resilient and can handle a lot more than we often give them credit for.

[domesticidyll]

As I am writing this, my co-sleeping 6yo is sprawled across the bed, and my co-sleeping 1yo is on my lap because she will not sleep except with human contact. So... the 8yo in bed seems lovely and nurturing to me.

The idea of encouraging resilience, it makes so much sense to me as an abstract idea, but when I think about my own parenting, and even my childhood, I keep coming back to trust. When I trust my children's instincts about what they are ready for, I usually don't have regrets. That's not to say I'm right, or they are always right--there have, in hindsight, been times I waited longer than I needed to. But it was fine to wait. Whereas when I felt driven by an outside timetable, when I pushed when I was uncertain... pretty much all my regrets are from times I didn't wait longer.

Like I said, the idea of giving her wings, I hear that, but for me trusting the child's pace has been even more powerful, and I wanted to pass along a little encouragement if that is what your mama heart is telling you.

Heather

[velochic]

Originally Posted by domesticidyll

As I am writing this, my co-sleeping 6yo is sprawled across the bed, and my co-sleeping 1yo is on my lap because she will not sleep except with human contact. So... the 8yo in bed seems lovely and nurturing to me.

The idea of encouraging resilience, it makes so much sense to me as an abstract idea, but when I think about my own parenting, and even my childhood, I keep coming back to trust. When I trust my children's instincts about what they are ready for, I usually don't have regrets. That's not to say I'm right, or they are always right--there have, in hindsight, been times I waited longer than I needed to. But it was fine to wait. Whereas when I felt driven by an outside timetable, when I pushed when I was uncertain... pretty much all my regrets are from times I didn't wait longer.

Like I said, the idea of giving her wings, I hear that, but for me trusting the child's pace has been even more powerful, and I wanted to pass along a little encouragement if that is what your mama heart is telling you.

Heather

Thank you very much. This really rings true for me. You've worded it beautifully.

[honey-lilac]

Didn't have time to read the other replies, sorry.

I was about that age when I had to go on an overnight trip with Brownies. I didn't co-sleep but I was just not happy with the arrangement. They made food I didn't like and when I said I couldn't eat it the counselors "jokingly" made fun of me for the entire night about how spoiled I was (not to mention hungry). (Sorry, I grew up with non-American food, I didn't like American "kiddy" food!) I don't know how it's possible but everyone from the camp counselors to the other scouts (following their lead) were basically making fun of me the whole night; I didn't sleep at all. I felt so trapped because I couldn't go home then. All I wanted was to go home. I hated it and quit Brownies the next day. I didn't even want to go back to school for a long time. Was I scarred? No, but it sure wasn't a positive experience. I wasn't ready.

A few years later, I think we were 11 and in 6th grade, we had a weekend camping trip to go skiing and I had the biggest blast EVER, and so much fun. I even went to a sleepover or two in 5th grade and that was OK too. But in 2nd or 3rd grade (maybe it was even 4th, I honestly don't remember) I wasn't ready.

FWIW I also co-slept on and off until I was about 9-10 years old but that had nothing to do with when I was ready or not to overnight somewhere else. What it did have to do with was the feeling of being trapped in a place where I didn't want to be, overnight. I had looked forward to going, incidentally - it just wasn't like I expected it to be.

[lauren]

Originally Posted by velochic

In dd's case it very much *is* a co-sleeping issue, though.

Though perhaps you've already gotten enough feedback, in light of this, I think I'm going to hop this over to FBNP for additional thoughts.

[Honey693]

I only skimmed the replies so I might have missed this. Did you ask the teacher who will be with your DD how they handle kids who get homesick in the middle of the night? With a group of second graders that has to have come up before.

[velochic]

I wanted to post an update. (Cross-posted in Learning at School).

It's spring break. Our next door neighbors are very good friends. I asked if dd would be willing to spend the night over there to "test the waters". It's close and she loves these people. They are really great with dd.

In a nutshell... she did it. She slept in her own bed over there, in their spare room, no problems. I didn't push her at all and when it was time to go, she was excited, slept in as usual, and went to sleep on her own. She had a lot of fun. She said she has the confidence to go to camp now. As I mentioned, I thought that this would help her, and I was right.

We had talked about her spending the night with the neighbors for about a year and this school trip really gave her the incentive to try it. I think it has empowered her... even if she is a brave little daredevil.

Thanks to all of you who were helpful and supportive. We used many ideas offered here, so it was, indeed, helpful.

[NEastMomma]

Firstly, I totally understand your concerns! You know your child best and you can tell that though she wants to go, she is having some sort of apprehension.

I am a reading teacher to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders (2nd grade is my favorite to teach, btw). What I am anticipating is that MANY of the kids are going to have a hard time being away from family on the overnight - which is why the school is doing just one night to ease them in to the experience of foreign exchange later. Anyway, tons of these kids are going to be homesick - I will bet a million dollars on it. And I also bet the teachers are prepared for it and are expecting it too.

Additionally, as a PP said, the kids are either going to be wired and having a hard time sleeping for all their excitement and chatter, or they're going to be exhausted.

Minimizing homesickness with a short note that says "Sweet dreams! HAVE FUN! We will be there tomorrow to pick you up and give you a big hug!" or something like that might help, as would a lovey from home or even a pillowcase, etc.

Finally, as I advise everyone, TALK TO THE TEACHER and tell her about your worries! Teachers LOVE to be "on the same team" as mom and dad and she'll apppreciate you giving her the head's up so that she can be on the lookout for DD's signs of anxiety and mitigate.
If it makes you feel any better (or might make it worse), many kids have a hard time at school during the normal school day. I've had kids cry to me that they miss Mom or sister, etc. As a teacher I ask if they need a hug, I reassure them it'll be okay and that its normal to miss family, and then I distract, distract, distract and amp up my "performance" to make school extra fun for that kid. By the end of they day they've totally forgotten that they were homesick.
GOOD LUCK!!!

[Thalia]

Yay, velochic! So glad your DD was able to do her 'test drive'! I wish her all the best for the real thing.

[beanma]

That's awesome! I'm sure she'll be much more confident about the camp out now! Congrats Velochic and DD!