I'd love to hear from any of you if you have had a child who is similar! Please help!!
My middle son is 4.5. He's always been on the introverted side; but recently he's taken shyness to a whole new level. In some situations, he will hide behind my legs and be very stressed when we come across certain people, usually those he doesn't know or see a lot, even in our own extended family. For example, my parents watch my younger 2 kids once a week while I work. He usually likes to go over there (but sometimes he refuses, which I'll talk about in a minute, his utter stubborness). When I dropped him off today, he saw my sister's car in the driveway (his aunt). We don't see her often, but he literally would NOT go into my parents house because he didn't want to see her. She came outside to leave, and he ran around to the backyard. This is his aunt who we see at holidays (which are becoming hard for him, he says he hates seeing "all those people" in the house, which are ALL his aunts/uncles/cousins or grandparents!) He will do this with anyone he doesn't see often. He *only* started this about 4-6 months ago. I don't force things unless its impossible not to...but I feel like we're moving into "social anxiety" territory. He was supposed to start preschool next week, which is the same his older brother went to; when ds1 would be dropped off, ds2 would CRY that he couldn't go to. Now that its his opportunity, he is refusing. I've taken trips there multiple times to the preschool (and stayed with him) to ease him into it, but he refuses to talk to the teachers. I've asked him why he is so scared of them, he just says he doesn't like them, he's too shy, etc. FWIW he has a few friends he sees regularly and gets along well with those, including playing well with the neighbors and his brothers. BUT when I took him into preschool and he saw a room full of (unknown) kids, he really freaked out, and was scared of them too. Lately he's been saying he wishes he were a dinosaur, because "they are big and can't get hurt." I suspect he's feeling small, like he doesn't have much control, and is easily hurt. But how do I use this info to better help him and empower him???
He's also very, very stubborn. He is extremely vocal, whiney and angry when I basically tell him he has no choice to do xyz (and I don't think I do this a lot, but I'm sorry, we DO have to brush our teeth!) I've begun a star chart with him for basic tasks like getting dressed, etc--which I never in a million years wanted to do, I really believe in self-motivation, not external--and it has REALLY helped these little interactions we have. But still other tasks like the grocery store, running errands, even going to fun places if he just isn't in the mood that day, he hates to do. He is a true homebody, which is okay most of the time. I work very limited hours during the week, so he gets LOTS and lots of 1:1 time with me, and being at home.
Aside from the anxiety, at some point, I feel like this shyness/stubborness/no motivation to do anything HE doesn't want to do, has gotten out of control. I mean, at the end of the day when he's tired, he doesn't always want to talk to his dad, and its an issue getting him to just answer simple questions about what he/we did that day. The star chart as I mentioned has GREATLY improved things. But I still need to figure out where this social anxiety is coming from, and how I can help empower him. We do NOT need to do preschool, and I don't plan to force him. But what about seeing his own aunt unexpectedly and hiding?
If it helps, I'll add that he is extremely sensitive (can't watch most movies because they either scare him or someone gets hurt in them), but I've read about Highly Sensitive kids, and he doesn't fit all the criteria. He's pretty smart, can write well, really enjoys doing workbooks (likes to imitate his brother who has homework in K).
Thank you so much for listening!!
My middle son is 4.5. He's always been on the introverted side; but recently he's taken shyness to a whole new level. In some situations, he will hide behind my legs and be very stressed when we come across certain people, usually those he doesn't know or see a lot, even in our own extended family. For example, my parents watch my younger 2 kids once a week while I work. He usually likes to go over there (but sometimes he refuses, which I'll talk about in a minute, his utter stubborness). When I dropped him off today, he saw my sister's car in the driveway (his aunt). We don't see her often, but he literally would NOT go into my parents house because he didn't want to see her. She came outside to leave, and he ran around to the backyard. This is his aunt who we see at holidays (which are becoming hard for him, he says he hates seeing "all those people" in the house, which are ALL his aunts/uncles/cousins or grandparents!) He will do this with anyone he doesn't see often. He *only* started this about 4-6 months ago. I don't force things unless its impossible not to...but I feel like we're moving into "social anxiety" territory. He was supposed to start preschool next week, which is the same his older brother went to; when ds1 would be dropped off, ds2 would CRY that he couldn't go to. Now that its his opportunity, he is refusing. I've taken trips there multiple times to the preschool (and stayed with him) to ease him into it, but he refuses to talk to the teachers. I've asked him why he is so scared of them, he just says he doesn't like them, he's too shy, etc. FWIW he has a few friends he sees regularly and gets along well with those, including playing well with the neighbors and his brothers. BUT when I took him into preschool and he saw a room full of (unknown) kids, he really freaked out, and was scared of them too. Lately he's been saying he wishes he were a dinosaur, because "they are big and can't get hurt." I suspect he's feeling small, like he doesn't have much control, and is easily hurt. But how do I use this info to better help him and empower him???
He's also very, very stubborn. He is extremely vocal, whiney and angry when I basically tell him he has no choice to do xyz (and I don't think I do this a lot, but I'm sorry, we DO have to brush our teeth!) I've begun a star chart with him for basic tasks like getting dressed, etc--which I never in a million years wanted to do, I really believe in self-motivation, not external--and it has REALLY helped these little interactions we have. But still other tasks like the grocery store, running errands, even going to fun places if he just isn't in the mood that day, he hates to do. He is a true homebody, which is okay most of the time. I work very limited hours during the week, so he gets LOTS and lots of 1:1 time with me, and being at home.
Aside from the anxiety, at some point, I feel like this shyness/stubborness/no motivation to do anything HE doesn't want to do, has gotten out of control. I mean, at the end of the day when he's tired, he doesn't always want to talk to his dad, and its an issue getting him to just answer simple questions about what he/we did that day. The star chart as I mentioned has GREATLY improved things. But I still need to figure out where this social anxiety is coming from, and how I can help empower him. We do NOT need to do preschool, and I don't plan to force him. But what about seeing his own aunt unexpectedly and hiding?
If it helps, I'll add that he is extremely sensitive (can't watch most movies because they either scare him or someone gets hurt in them), but I've read about Highly Sensitive kids, and he doesn't fit all the criteria. He's pretty smart, can write well, really enjoys doing workbooks (likes to imitate his brother who has homework in K).
Thank you so much for listening!!
