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Should I call the parents - possible bullying issue (Update #23) - Page 2

post #21 of 32
Put your request for a seat change in writing and CC the principal and the school counselor.
post #22 of 32
We had a similar problem last year when my son was in kindergarten. It was a private school in transition, the principal had to retire due health reasons, the interim principal was unable or unwilling to deal with the bully. The teacher was was worn out and overwhelmed. All the "solutions" involved my son adapting to the situation, the bully was allowed to call him names and my son was suppose to not react.

We did our part, we put our son counseling and social skills classes, we put him in martial arts to increase is self confidence, treated his ADHD with medications and diet. The school gave the bully a behavior chart. Everyone agreed the situation was a shame and nothing was done.

After my fifth meeting with the teacher and third with the principal, they offered to help me transition my son another school. I wrote to the priest in charge of the school, the Bishop's office, and went to school with my son every day. Then I got smart and talked to Sister John (she'd been teaching for 35 years) and told her what was going on. The issue was resolved within of a week.

My son is being home schooled for first grade, but a new principal was hired and the culture of the school is completely different this year. My son attends art and music at the school. The attitude of the staff and student body is completely different, to the point that if I send my son back to school, I'll send him there. The first thing the new principal did was stand up in front of a group of parents and say, "We have a problem with bullying in this school and we want to know how you think we can change it."

OP- hugs to you and your son, it's a horrible thing. My son finally has his self confidence back, it took several months. Recently an older neighbor kid (4 or 5 years older) was hassling him and my son said, "Knock it off, you're being a jerk." He left and told me about it, but it was very matter of fact. Last year he would've been in hysterics.
post #23 of 32
Thread Starter 
I contacted the school in the other district and they said that the child has to be living in that district in order to go to the school. I got bummed but then thought to ask if my ex's address was in that district and it is!!!!

So we have the option of sending him to that school. From everything I have read about it, it sounds wonderful. Much, much smaller than current school, combined age classes where the older kids actually help out the younger kids, and better test scores. Also, every day, they end the day with a going home activity (skit, dance, song, etc). It seems like a very friendly, warm environment.
post #24 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by MtBikeLover View Post
I contacted the school in the other district and they said that the child has to be living in that district in order to go to the school. I got bummed but then thought to ask if my ex's address was in that district and it is!!!!

So we have the option of sending him to that school. From everything I have read about it, it sounds wonderful. Much, much smaller than current school, combined age classes where the older kids actually help out the younger kids, and better test scores. Also, every day, they end the day with a going home activity (skit, dance, song, etc). It seems like a very friendly, warm environment.
Great. Way to think on your feet and find another way through. Now go meet the principal and ask to observe a few first/second grade classes. Any school can make itself look great on the web... If you can work with your ex, then it might be useful to have him meet the principal and observe as well on a different day. DH and I have called independent to set up times to observe programs. We have different last names, and we never gave the name of our kid, so they had no idea they were talking to two halves of a team. We then compared notes on our observations. We each had the director explain away a certain situation as "rare, just for today" despite the fact we visited on different days.
post #25 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by K1329 View Post
I would also politely and persistently INSIST that their seats are moved. Now.
If I'd had a problem like that in school, my mom would've gone to the school with me and moved my desk herself. Of course, she also would've gotten me a new teacher as soon as the first one was shown to be unreliable and uncaring, but she had the option of pulling me out at any time which gives more power to the parent.
post #26 of 32
Quote:
if i'd had a problem like that in school, my mom would've gone to the school with me and moved my desk herself.
lol
post #27 of 32
Thread Starter 
She did sarcastically say in our conference that I was welcome to come in and help her move the desks. I just let it go.

But the desks are moved as of yesterday and DS is really happy now!
post #28 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by MtBikeLover View Post
She did sarcastically say in our conference that I was welcome to come in and help her move the desks. I just let it go.

But the desks are moved as of yesterday and DS is really happy now!
<sputters>

Yeah, you need to change schools. I haven't even read your other thread yet. That's just crazy.

In support of people who say that changing schools CAN be a boon (as opposed to those who argue that it's the same everywhere), I agree. I didn't have a bully problem per se but the climate of my middle school was such that I was in tears every afternoon on my ride home. My high school, however, was awesome - I felt totally accepted; I might not have been popular but I had a group of friends and nobody ever excluded me or made fun of me at all, and if someone did I have no doubt that I would have been protected by the culture of the school (that is, the teachers, counselors, administrators and other kids would have stood by me).
post #29 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by MtBikeLover View Post
She did sarcastically say in our conference that I was welcome to come in and help her move the desks. I just let it go.

But the desks are moved as of yesterday and DS is really happy now!
Whew. So it won't be too horrible for him until you get him into the other school (: that your ex and the other school district both help things go smoothly)

Would've soooo served her right if you'd used her sarcasm as an invitation.

It occurs to me that I failed to mention that I'm really impressed that you've been so calm and adult about things and have done your best to not make things worse for your ds.

It sounds like with this school there isn't any way to totally protect your ds, but at least you haven't done anything to make it worse.

And the new school will make a difference. At the very least it could get your ex on board with paying for private school, at best it'll be as awesome as it sounds in your other thread.
post #30 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post
I would not call the parents. You believe your son, and they will believe their's on what happens. It is hardly likely the boy is going to own up to his parents...."yeah, I bully xyz".

Sorry you are going through this

Kathy
Not necessarily so. Ds has behavior issues bad enough that other parents have called the school. We have been working with the teacher all year long to improve his behavior in school. We know what ds can be like (though his behavior at home is now very good) and don't think that the school or other students are making things up; though sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.

Once ds got in trouble for touching "someone's butt"; what appeared to have happened is that he was pushing someone on the swing down by their rear and another child said "Ds is touching their BUTT!" Another time he got in trouble for kissing a classmate on the cheek two days in a row; I know this girl and that she is very "touchy," and believe ds when he said she asked him to kiss her; nonetheless we told him that hugs and kisses stay in the family and we don't use them at school.

There is a chance that the parents know what their child is like and are working on it or at a loss as to how to change the situation.
post #31 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmeline II View Post
Not necessarily so. Ds has behavior issues bad enough that other parents have called the school. We have been working with the teacher all year long to improve his behavior in school. We know what ds can be like (though his behavior at home is now very good) and don't think that the school or other students are making things up; though sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.

Once ds got in trouble for touching "someone's butt"; what appeared to have happened is that he was pushing someone on the swing down by their rear and another child said "Ds is touching their BUTT!" Another time he got in trouble for kissing a classmate on the cheek two days in a row; I know this girl and that she is very "touchy," and believe ds when he said she asked him to kiss her; nonetheless we told him that hugs and kisses stay in the family and we don't use them at school.

There is a chance that the parents know what their child is like and are working on it or at a loss as to how to change the situation.
You sort of proved my point. I said the parents would believe their child, as you beleived yours (and that is the way it should be, for the most part).

I agree with your last paragraph - I think there is an excellent chance the parent knows stuff is up or is at a loss on how to handle it.

I have spoken to parents before on stuff that has happenned - but it is usually a clarification thing.

I have never seen another child change a behaviour pattern, though, over me simply talking to the parent.

All of this is moot, though....even though the OP did ask if she should talk to the parents - the solution (finders crossed!) is switching seats and switching schools.
post #32 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post
You sort of proved my point. I said the parents would believe their child, as you beleived yours (and that is the way it should be, for the most part).
I think you missed mine. I didn't disbelieve the teacher--he did kiss the girl and he did touch her butt. I think there were mitigating circumstances, but he still did it and received ISS.

The type of parent the OP was being warned against was one who would believe the child despite contrary evidence because their child could do no wrong.

My son has frequently denied his behavior. His teacher said he deliberately walked up to her from a distance and stepped on her foot, ds says it was an accident when he was getting up from the floor; we believed the teacher as there is a big difference between the two circumstances and we do not see room for misinterpretation. Ds later admitted he was angry because she told him not to do something and he stepped on her foot on purpose.
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