I'M not ready for a sitter so what to do...

[lkmiscnet]

I don't know how to handle the whole sitter thing nor how to even find one for our 10 mo old LO.

So far, if I've had any appts, my husband has come home from work and watched our son, but I know the time will come when we'll need a sitter. I've also had to cancel some appts because my husband ended up not being available.

We were invited to a couples dinner at a swanky restaurant next week, but only my husband is going because I don't know how in the world our son would go to sleep, as it would be during his bedtime and he's nursed to sleep. He doesn't take a bottle or sippy cup. And frankly, that just wouldn't be enough time for me to find someone.

And, how to do you even introduce a sitter to your LO and get them comfortable? I've read that you should have the sitter spend some time with your LO while you are at home. Do you pay the sitter for that time or is that part of them applying for the job to see how they relate to your child? What if the separation anxiety is bad?

I know I need to get involved with some mom groups (for the socialization as well), and hopefully trade off child care for each other when the need arises, but one group I've checked out has get togethers when my LO naps and/or it's just too far for me to want to drive.

How have you handled this?

[maptome]

Sounds like me. I'd like to hear responses. Too bad we can't trade childcare.

[Shy0717]

This is one of the perks of living in the house you grew up in. All of the kids I babysat as a teen are now old enough to babysit (that's not to say I'd leave him with all of them if you kwim). One of the girls 2 houses down is 18 and about to graduate high school. She's very responsible and I trust her 100%. I've left ds, 9 months, with her probably 4 ish times? He only had one incident where he fussed and he came down with a bug the next day so I attribute it to that. Honestly I don't know what I'd do if I didn't know this girl and her family like I do. I love that I can tell her what I want her to do and know she'll do it (i.e. no cio and call me if he's upset). I can also text her while I'm at whatever appt and we talk about ds and what he's doing. Because I'm a single mom and my parents cannot always watch ds I wanted some backup care just in case. I talked to a friend of a friend who had an in home daycare thinking ds could go there once in a while if I had something I needed to get done. I learned very quickly (by letting her talk herself into a hole) that she practiced cio with every one of her kiddos. I'd even venture to say she was extreme in the cio world (when her son was 1 month old he had to learn to sttn *cringe*). She also used it as a form of punishment for a clingy baby in her care...at least the way she worded it :-(. Anyhow, the young girl that watches him now came over the day before and spent a little time with him and he was fine. I didn't pay her for that time but I do pay her well mainly because she's perfect for our family and I don't want to lose her. She has had to find ways to put ds to sleep on her own but they've made it work (usually rocking in my bedroom with lullabies playing in the dark). She's handled it all with grace and patience. I would just say go with your instincts and listen to your gut (mine was screaming with the mutual friend). It will tell you *almost everything you need to know. Also finding a sitter, try a local college maybe? I nannied throughout my college years and one of my best families found me by posting a flier throughout our nursing school. I went for an interview with the entire family and hit it off with the kids and parents. I still keep in touch with them 6 years later. This turned into a long ramble sorry, but I really hope you find something that works for your family.

[Abraisme]

It depends what caliber of care you're looking for. I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for qualified teenage girls to watch my son. It has always worked out quite well for me and I've found several very responible sitters. They all came over in advance with their parents to meet us and our kid.

However, I never left my nursing child at night until after he was already asleep, so I don't have any advice for you there. A lot of it is going to depend on your child and if they can handle it. My son has always loved new people and anyone who would play with him. He loves it when I get a sitter.

[Alisse]

I like the idea of the sitter spending some time with the LO with parents around first before leaving them alone together so as not to make things so difficult for either of them. I would definitely pay them for their time though as i don't think it would be fair to ask someone to hang out with your child at their expense.

[YayJennie]

I'm in the same boat and my son is almost a year old. My mom has watched him on a few occasions, but now whenever she comes over, he clings to me and cries if I leave. I have to do some field observation for school later this semester, so I hope he can handle a sitter soon. I'm lucky and have a playgroup with AP parents that I would trust watching him, and that he knows. So I'll probably do a sitter swap with one of those parents when the time comes. But I'm nervous. You're not alone not wanting to leave your LO!

[RheaSilva]

Originally Posted by lkmiscnet

We were invited to a couples dinner at a swanky restaurant next week, but only my husband is going because I don't know how in the world our son would go to sleep, as it would be during his bedtime and he's nursed to sleep. He doesn't take a bottle or sippy cup. And frankly, that just wouldn't be enough time for me to find someone.

Hello! I just wanted to commend you for deciding to stay home instead of choosing to take your son to a fancy restaurant during his bedtime. You'd be surprised how many moms would just take him anyway, other diners be, um darned!

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by lkmiscnet

I don't know how to handle the whole sitter thing nor how to even find one for our 10 mo old LO.

So far, if I've had any appts, my husband has come home from work and watched our son, but I know the time will come when we'll need a sitter. I've also had to cancel some appts because my husband ended up not being available.

We were invited to a couples dinner at a swanky restaurant next week, but only my husband is going because I don't know how in the world our son would go to sleep, as it would be during his bedtime and he's nursed to sleep. He doesn't take a bottle or sippy cup. And frankly, that just wouldn't be enough time for me to find someone.

And, how to do you even introduce a sitter to your LO and get them comfortable? I've read that you should have the sitter spend some time with your LO while you are at home. Do you pay the sitter for that time or is that part of them applying for the job to see how they relate to your child? What if the separation anxiety is bad?

I know I need to get involved with some mom groups (for the socialization as well), and hopefully trade off child care for each other when the need arises, but one group I've checked out has get togethers when my LO naps and/or it's just too far for me to want to drive.

How have you handled this?

It can be really hard the first time so don't give yourself too hard a time.

I would say yes, you have to pay the babysitter for the time she is there whether you are there or not.

I come from the bandaid school of goodbyes. Better fast and get it over with. The babysitter can always call you to come back if she/he needs you to.

I tend to try and get my kids used to new sitters as soon as possible. I start with a short time with them while I do some work or do some project. Then I go for coffee with friends for an hour out of the house the next time, Then I do a late bedtime sitting session, just before putting them down.

I have also found my babies both have been happy to take bottles from anyone as long as I am not on the menu, so it's less of a problem than I thought once I left the premises.

[alegna]

For *me* the time my children are infants and young toddlers just means I am with them. When they are ready to stay with someone else (age varies- ds was ready before a year, dd not until nearly 2) then we start thinking about it. My parents are close by and are the only people we've left them with so far. I do have some mom-friends who I would be totally comfortable leaving them with as well. Personally, I don't know where my comfort level would be with a sitter with a pre-verbal child. But that's me.

-Angela

[slinden]

Originally Posted by alegna

For *me* the time my children are infants and young toddlers just means I am with them. When they are ready to stay with someone else (age varies- ds was ready before a year, dd not until nearly 2) then we start thinking about it. My parents are close by and are the only people we've left them with so far. I do have some mom-friends who I would be totally comfortable leaving them with as well. Personally, I don't know where my comfort level would be with a sitter with a pre-verbal child. But that's me.

-Angela

I feel the same way.

[maptome]

Originally Posted by alegna

For *me* the time my children are infants and young toddlers just means I am with them. When they are ready to stay with someone else (age varies- ds was ready before a year, dd not until nearly 2) then we start thinking about it...

-Angela

Yeah, I guess that is how I feel towards a sitter. I would feel comfortable leaving my 8 month old with my mother, but just don't know the logistics. How would she eat? How would she sleep? I mean, she's 8 months and I've only left her once, with DH, and no meals no nap! I'm about to take her to a "swanky" restaurant just so I can get a yummy meal. (Apologies to the mom above who disapproves.)

[alegna]

I take both my kids to swanky restaurants. They usually behave better than they do in casual dining ones Kids, even babies, are really good at reading expectations in situations. If you expect that the meal will go well (and plan to facilitate that obviously) it usually will.

-Angela

[cheryllynn]

I have offers to babysit from my church. I have had appointments where a friend of mine meets me at the dentist and she watched baby @ 5 months old in the waiting room. Everyone loved seeing her, I was there if needed. My friend has happy to help.

I have also left her at same church lady's house for a couple hours in which she napped most of the time.

More recently a neighbor with a baby boy 3 months younger is willing to start doing some sitter swapping for short appointments/emergencies.

www.care.com and www.sittercity.com are sites where you can put your ad out. You have to watch though because they charge a monthly fee and if you don't cancel they keep charging.

You can see dozens of profiles, look at background check, see recommendations.

I would definitely have sitter over for at least an hour and watch how sitter interacts with baby. I would also pay her for her time. I found this was actually helpful and more of a Mother's Helper where she came over twice a week for a few hours and I was able to get housework and cooking done while someone was playing/holding/watching my baby. If she napped, Mother's Helper helped me cook & clean.

I do not receive any help from mother or sister. They apparently are too busy with their own lives to help.