Well Baby Visit...tramatic for me and him!

[nervousmommy]

Okay...we didn't even get any shots....my son is 15 months old and screamed when we laid him down to get measured for length...had to hold him there while he kicked....screamed bloody murder when we sat him in the bucket for the scale and cried some more when she measured his head. Then during the checkup portion of the visit...I had to restrain him so that she could feel his belly...look in his ears and stuff like that. I just don't feel comfortable restraining him. Does it have to be like this? Is this a thing where I'm the parent and he'll have to get used to it or is there a better way. I almost don't want to take him to the doctor. The peditrician seemed to think that this is typical for this age and until they are 2 years old it will be like this...after 2 it gets better...is that true?

We've done some vaccinations...not sure how much more we will do. Should I find a different peditrician? Or am I going to have to restrain him for a doctor to look at him regardless of who it is? I don't want my child to be afraid of the doctor and I especially don't want my child to be afraid of his parents and thinking that he can't trust us because we phyically restrain him at the doctors. I won't/don't restrain him to brush his teeth for this very reason...it's not in my makeup to make my child cry and thrash...we negotiate getting into the carseat and I talk to him and give him toys and sometimes it takes 10 minutes for him to finally sit in the seat....so this is where I'm comming from

Thanks

[Shy0717]

Hmmm I'm not quite sure since ds is my only one. He's almost 9 months old and has never cried with our pedi and we've done several well and sick baby appts. Maybe it makes a difference that they are women? Usually they come in and talk to me before they touch him. We talk about issues and concerns and such and then they'll start the exam. They also do almost the entire exam with him in my lap. We lay him down to be measured but his butt literally touches the examination table for about 5 seconds and I'm right there in his face smiling and reassuring if he gets any uneasy looks. Maybe try holding him during the exam? I have no idea mama but I hope you guys find something that works.

[Alisse]

What if you got your LO to visit the paediatrician every once in a while to just say a quick hello so that he becomes familiar with her.

[cinderella08]

I am so in your shoes.... Going through this exact same thing with my 15 month old.....

[bebebradford]

Totally normal. Don't worry.. No child is going to be happy about holding still while doctors measure or check them out, but you have to do it so that they can get accurate data. Also, how do you brush his teeth then? My kids didn't like being held to have their teeth brushed, but they've finally gotten used to it. I always remain chipper while doing it, but I hold them in my lap and put one arm around both of theirs.

[sioleabha]

Personally, I am more than willing to restrain my child, even if he kicks and screams, if it is necessary. I figure that some things are worse than being upset, even afraid, for a few minutes. For example, when my now 3yo dd was 1, her finger got slammed in a door. We were sure it was broken, and rushed her to the ER. I had to hold her perfectly still, while she basically screamed in fear and pain, while the x-ray of her finger was taken. To me, this was a matter of me knowing what is best and taking good care of her even if she didn't like it. It was just that important.

However, I am not sure that well-baby check ups are worth it. Not just not worth a fit, but not worth my time in general. I only take my kids to the doctor if they are sick, which ends up being almost never. I'm just one of those people. If I did feel that well-baby check ups were important, and I did feel that being weighed and measured and having their tummies checked was necessary, I would probably try to make it easier by holding the baby in my lap as another PP mentioned. Perhaps try to make a game of it. But in the end, baby would have to allow the doctor to check him. Some things are that important.

I have never had this trouble with teeth brushing or getting in the car or the like. It could be because I respond to any resistance with a smile and a cheerful, "I didn't ask whether you wanted to!" and pick up the child and put them in the seat. Tickling helps, too. Or it could be that your child simply hates it more than mine do. I don't know.

[Abraisme]

Originally Posted by sioleabha

Personally, I am more than willing to restrain my child, even if he kicks and screams, if it is necessary. I figure that some things are worse than being upset, even afraid, for a few minutes. For example, when my now 3yo dd was 1, her finger got slammed in a door. We were sure it was broken, and rushed her to the ER. I had to hold her perfectly still, while she basically screamed in fear and pain, while the x-ray of her finger was taken. To me, this was a matter of me knowing what is best and taking good care of her even if she didn't like it. It was just that important.

However, I am not sure that well-baby check ups are worth it. Not just not worth a fit, but not worth my time in general. I only take my kids to the doctor if they are sick, which ends up being almost never. I'm just one of those people. If I did feel that well-baby check ups were important, and I did feel that being weighed and measured and having their tummies checked was necessary, I would probably try to make it easier by holding the baby in my lap as another PP mentioned. Perhaps try to make a game of it. But in the end, baby would have to allow the doctor to check him. Some things are that important.

I have never had this trouble with teeth brushing or getting in the car or the like. It could be because I respond to any resistance with a smile and a cheerful, "I didn't ask whether you wanted to!" and pick up the child and put them in the seat. Tickling helps, too. Or it could be that your child simply hates it more than mine do. I don't know.

Some things just have to be done, even if they're not pleasant. I have a friend right now who's 2.5 year old runs her life because she's constantly negotiating with him. Half the time she doesn't leave the house because HE doesn't want to. You're the adult, it's okay to help your kids through tough situations, it's all part of life.

[BlueWolf]

My DD is more comfortable is she's sitting in my lap or standing during her exam. She also gets to play with my car keys, which is a treat for her.

Try to make it a positive situation... or as positive as possible. A special toy only comes out at the doctors office. Or be willing to compromise... the exam needs to happen but child can pick if she wants to sit, stand or lay down.

[SunshineJ]

It's not uncommon. For us it just depended on the mood of the child, but I wasn't going to try to reschedule a visit at a busy office simply because my kid was having an oppositional day - and hope that the next random visit date would be better. Now, there are some things I absolutely won't hold them down for, but for what you described? Not a biggie in my book. Those are the things that they'll start to realize are things that aren't invasive and that don't hurt. Which, thinking about it, lines up with the 2 yr idea - by then they're starting to get that understanding.

[alegna]

I would not tolerate that. My child's well being does not depend on being measured. <disclaimer- we don't do WBV at all>

I would insist upon a respectful provider.

If there were a health issue being investigated- that's a different story.

-Angela

[FullMetalMom]

One thing that helped my dd with going to the doctor was to get a book about it. We would read the book together and I would pretend to be the doctor and get a flashlight to examine her tongue, ears, etc. and then let her reciprocate. She would love to just sit and look at the book and talk about the doctor. If you help your child "practice", it may reduce the anxiety in the actual situations. Sometimes just letting your child talk or talking to them about these things really helps them. Good luck.

[paquerette]

Originally Posted by nervousmommy

Okay...we didn't even get any shots....my son is 15 months old and screamed when we laid him down to get measured for length...had to hold him there while he kicked....screamed bloody murder when we sat him in the bucket for the scale and cried some more when she measured his head. Then during the checkup portion of the visit...I had to restrain him so that she could feel his belly...look in his ears and stuff like that. I just don't feel comfortable restraining him. Does it have to be like this? Is this a thing where I'm the parent and he'll have to get used to it or is there a better way. I almost don't want to take him to the doctor. The peditrician seemed to think that this is typical for this age and until they are 2 years old it will be like this...after 2 it gets better...is that true?

Did this doctor even make any attempts to make this easier on your son? Be fun, silly, try to get him to open up to you? I think at 15 months, he could be encouraged to stand up straight against a wall and be measured, for example. Do this at home before you go in if he doesn't want to do it in a strange environment. Weigh him by weighing yourself, then weigh yourself while holding him, whether home or in the office. Maybe it won't be accurate down to the centimeter or ounce, but really, who cares? As far as the parts examing his body, did they have you hold him down on the table to do that, or did they do the exam with him in your lap? Did they try playing silly games like "airplane" with the thermometer and the ear thingie? I think I would switch doctors if they're not even making an attempt to make it an easy experience for him, considerate of his or your feelings, etc. And also willing to forgo certain aspects if they are extremely traumatic.

Fwiw, I quit WBV at 9 mo and we didn't go in for another checkup until 4 yo. She was actually pretty happy and excited about the experience then.

I don't want my child to be afraid of the doctor and I especially don't want my child to be afraid of his parents and thinking that he can't trust us because we phyically restrain him at the doctors. I won't/don't restrain him to brush his teeth for this very reason...it's not in my makeup to make my child cry and thrash...we negotiate getting into the carseat and I talk to him and give him toys and sometimes it takes 10 minutes for him to finally sit in the seat....so this is where I'm comming from

Sounds like you're well on your way to raising a happy, secure, attached little guy.

[seashells]

Not unusual. But I would also consider if the visits really are necessary. If you think they are, then you work through them the best you can. I'd hold baby on my lap during examination rather than on the table (though of course you have to measure on the table). And just be soothing and work through it. All the same, I don't think WBV are necessary at that frequency. Some don't think they are necessary at all, but I think once a year in the early years is good to touch base and keep a relationship with the doctor.

[Astraia]

Can you make it a game? I've measured DD's head (for kicks and giggles) and if she's unsure then I'll measure my head, and DH's head, and the baby's head, and then her head so it's fun. Or feeling her tummy, I'd pretend to tickle her or like i'm going to blow a raspberry on her belly while poking around. Or are there things you can do at home? Can you measure baby at home during a nap or something and bring in the measurements (I know some dr's will think you're just amking it up or lying or whatever, but some will accept it)? We also don't really do WBV (had a few until 9 months, we'll wait until she's sick or about 2 yrs old for the next one, whichever comes first) so I haven't gone through this, but there are some things that I NEED to do and the options are to restrain or try something else. Sometimes restraint is the only option, but I'll try other things first.