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Do you have trouble making friends? - Page 3

post #41 of 89
3/22/10 at 10:36am
I seem to have become buried in this too, ever since we moved here I just haven't clicked with anyone.

Didn't help that a couple months back I was told that the reason I don't have friends is because I don't give people the grace that I expect from them. No idea what that meant but it came from the leader of my bible study group at church. That if I would give people more chance to talk to me and me not to them (basically saying I talk to much) then maybe people would like me more.

Funny thing about this? Well in the weeks following so many people would stop and look at me and say "Hey are you pregnant?" To which I would say yes and they'd say I had no clue...well that's because I DON'T go telling random ppl my business, I just don't even talk to people because I don't know how. I smile a lot at church as I walk by that's it. Then I did a commercial that told of my scoliosis fusion and dozens upon dozens have come up to me in the last 3 months to say WOW I didn't know you were in that much PAIN and all that happened to you just under 2 years ago! Wow you never told anyone some would say, and others would be like I wish I had known so I could have helped you. So to tell me that I expect others to care for me just hurt me to hades, and I have all but given up on making friends around here.

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post #42 of 89
3/22/10 at 12:21pm
I have a hard time making friends. I have two very close friends, one I work out with on a daily basis, the other I only see once every other month or so because she lives out of town. I had more close friends, but I must be pretty lame because they don't seem to be able to make time to hang out with me any more. It makes me sad because if I wanted to go out to the bar and have a few drinks (maybe once a month) I have no one to go with me. My workout buddy has severe anxiety attacks when she gets out in a public setting like that.
post #43 of 89
3/22/10 at 10:31pm
I have difficulty with friendships as well, but I come from a place where I am not easily impressed by people. I know that sounds pretty stuck-up, but honestly, I get annoyed by people so easily. I should clarify that in my career, working with people, it is a way different role and find that I get along with my clients just fine... but when it comes to personal friendships, I just don't have the time or energy to put into people that I really don't click with.

I think much of this comes from having life experiences that people just do not get. It gets tiring to explain the things in my life that most people have no commonality with. I end up getting irritated when people make uniformed choices that I just can't move forward with a friendship. I don't need all my friends to be just like me, but there are certain core values that just have to be there, otherwise it seems like too much work.

All that being said, I do have 3 very close friends, that I feel that I can tell anything to. It took a long time to get to this point.
post #44 of 89
3/22/10 at 11:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes View Post
Ironically enough, I have a crap load of online friends. If only I were so popular in real life

So how do you do it? How do you all make friends?
I don't. Why do you think I have 20,000+ (or 25,000+, or whatever it's up to) posts on MDC?

Quote:
Or make them and keep them? Help!
I haven't made any in a long time. When I made them, I was really, really good at keeping them. The one good friend I still have dates back to when I was 11 (1979). I just don't have any clue how to take things from being acquaintances to being friends. Maybe I'll figure it out one day.
post #45 of 89
3/23/10 at 10:39am
No friends, doesn't look like there will be any friends either. That's why I have so many animals, I need someone to talk to.
post #46 of 89
3/23/10 at 1:30pm
Oh my I am the worst at making friends. I am painfully socially awkward, shy, and introverted. Most people seem to think I am some sort of mute freak. I can't count how many times people have asked me why I am so shy or quiet. I think it has given me a huge complex and now I just try to avoid people because I always think they will think I am a complete weirdo. The strange thing is, I am relatively intelligent, I have a good sense of humor, I am fun and I am quite talkative with those I am comfortable with but with people I don't know or if I am in big groups I clam up and feel so tongue tied. It is horrible. I thought that by 27 I would have this conquered but I am far from it.
post #47 of 89
3/24/10 at 2:19pm
Hey, I found my people!

I am so, so dismally bad at friend-making. I am always either too quiet or I talk way too much... either totally passive and shy or else I speak up and everyone thinks I'm bossy... I just can't get it right. I'm always at one extreme or the other. If I DO manage to hit the right note, it still usually fails because, well, I'm just not like other people here. If I am honest about myself, no one likes me (no I don't like drinking, yes we raise our own meat, no I don't really watch TV), or else I am able to moderate myself and make a nice impression... but then afterwards I just feel exhausted from playing a part.

It helps so much to know I'm not alone in this.
post #48 of 89
3/24/10 at 6:09pm
I make acquiantances easily... friends are more challenging.. I think there is an implied time commitment in there that I have a difficult time finding..

my bigger problem is keeping friends.. I live in a transitory community and so many have moved away..
post #49 of 89
3/27/10 at 10:33pm
I seem to be able to make friends easy. I had my feelings hurt a few years ago by someone I was close to and this person continues to call me crazy (as I have heard from others) but whatever, if that is what she needs to do to get through the day, then so be it. People grow and change and so do relationships. I work is a large office, over 200 people.... over 70 in just my department so I tend to hang out with my work friends for the most part. I do have other friends that I have had for years that I continue to be close to. I also have met new friends while at dd's field hockey games and school activities.
post #50 of 89
4/25/10 at 1:18am
How come all the people who've replied in this thread can't (at the very least) be online friends?
post #51 of 89
4/25/10 at 12:27pm
I'm the same way. I have zero-count them...zero friends. Never have had any luck making/keeping friends. I'm introverted, outspoken about some things that make people upset (like circ), and socially akward and a dork and nobody really likes me. Can't really blame them. I have no self-esteem and can't really find a redeeming quality in myself except that I am way too empathetic and good at always being there for people. Unfortunately, that attribute has lost me more friends than gained me after people drop off the face of the earth after I give them money for xyz or help them out of a situation. At this point in my life, I give up with the idea of having friends. I think sometimes I'm the only person on earth without a friend. But I do talk to my mom a lot and she's kinda my friend. And my oldest daughter is kinda a friend to me. So I'll live.
post #52 of 89
4/25/10 at 1:35pm
I'd be happy to be firends with everyone on this thread (I must say I have a soft spot for Bunnyflakes & Storm Bride ) I keep up better with people when using facebook, so if you wanna be my facebook friend PM me
post #53 of 89
4/25/10 at 2:53pm
Count me in, too. Shy, awkward, weird, all that applies to me. I have always had a hard time making and keeping friends. I hate making phone calls....it gives me serious anxiety. I would love to have friends to hang out with, but it's like I just have no idea how to go about it. Sometimes I feel like I never learned how to have friends, because for some reason, I was that kid that no one really liked, but tolerated to be around. Idk, maybe I'm boring, maybe I'm weird? Thankfully my DP is also the social type, and he has really cool friends, and they seem to like me....so I have friends-by-association.

Reading thru this whole thread, I kept thinking, what would happen if we were all to meet up? Would we all be in a room, being shy, quiet, and failing at small talk?
post #54 of 89
4/25/10 at 3:04pm
It's so much easier to make friends OL, to me. IRL, people see my children and get scared and run away. Anyone that is not scared off by my children usually have many children of their own, and in that case we both have very little free time to maintain a friendship.

I guess it is just the way it is.
post #55 of 89
4/25/10 at 3:10pm
I have a super hard time making IRL friends, mainly because I don't usually get along well with women, maybe its because I have not met the right women? (if you were all here I would love you!) Or maybe because I didn't really have a sister, I had 5 brothers.

Here the last really good friend I had, I had to "break up with" because she was so mainstream and did weird things, like when I cut my hair, she would cut hers, if I got a piercing or tattoo she would copy me, If I did anything different or for myself, she did the same thing. It got to me. Plus she spanked and yelled and It brought back a lot of horrible child abuse stuff for me. I tried to make it work and talk to her, but in the end it just wasn't a good match.

Now I wish some of you mamas lived close to me, Anyone in MN? lol I would hang around you ladies all the time If I could IRL.
post #56 of 89
4/25/10 at 3:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
Now I wish some of you mamas lived close to me, Anyone in MN? lol I would hang around you ladies all the time If I could IRL.
Ditto!
post #57 of 89
4/25/10 at 3:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
I have a super hard time making IRL friends, mainly because I don't usually get along well with women, maybe its because I have not met the right women? (if you were all here I would love you!) Or maybe because I didn't really have a sister, I had 5 brothers.
I know what you mean. I have 3 brothers and over 20 male cousins (two female cousins just a little older than my kids!). So I was raised around boys and just get along better with males. Unfortunately, most men my age are married and their wives might take that friendship the wrong way (can't blame them-I'd be weird about a woman hanging around my dh). It's probably also that I'm in a tiny town with not much around and a very clique-y population. It's like being picked for teams in P.E. all over again-always picked last or forgotten.
post #58 of 89
4/25/10 at 3:40pm
post #59 of 89
4/25/10 at 4:24pm
Gosh I am this way too! I always think everyone hates me IRL well and even online!
post #60 of 89
4/25/10 at 5:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by wife&mommy View Post
Gosh I am this way too! I always think everyone hates me IRL well and even online!
I don't hate you! I know what you mean though, Its hard to let others love us, when we feel like we are unlovable.

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