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Do you have trouble making friends? - Page 5

post #81 of 89

Yeah, I guess part of it is chemistry.  I don't know anymore, though.  I'm just trying to stay active and participate in things with my son, even if I only make acquaintances or don't meet anyone at all.  I also interact easily with people, it's just getting to that close friend stage that is hard for me.  Both my husband and a trusted older woman told me I need to let go of this acquaintance/friend at work, since I have done my part in reaching out, and since she has rejected my offers, no more good will come of my efforts.  :(

post #82 of 89



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by zuzunel09 View Post

Yeah, I guess part of it is chemistry.  I don't know anymore, though.  I'm just trying to stay active and participate in things with my son, even if I only make acquaintances or don't meet anyone at all.  I also interact easily with people, it's just getting to that close friend stage that is hard for me.  Both my husband and a trusted older woman told me I need to let go of this acquaintance/friend at work, since I have done my part in reaching out, and since she has rejected my offers, no more good will come of my efforts.  :(



 

 That is hard to have someone not responding to your efforts- I wonder what her deal is! It is so easy to blame ourselves but often times it is the other person's issues that have nothing to do with us.

 

Inspired by this thread, and just wanting to in general, I am going to make an effort to deepen some aquaintences that I have into truer friendships. One person I know just had a baby and another will in a few weeks- so I will make efforts to connect and help them out if I can. I ghuess we just have to keep on trying! I think I can get lazy about itsometimes, but now, having a child, it feels even more important to me to deepen connections.

post #83 of 89

Add me to the ‘no friends group’.  When I was younger I was painfully shy and rarely spoke – some people thought I was stuck-up.  In my thirties I started talking but I seem to lack boundaries or a filter from my brain to my mouth. I get nervous… ramble, interrupt, and say way too much.   I wish I could go back to my mute self…I was friendless but now I am friendless and obnoxious. 

 

When I worked I had many work acquaintances, was respected in my workplace, and spent so much time at work my lack of friends did not bother me much.   I’ve stayed home for seven years and am really feeling sad about having no friends.  Add to it excessive weight gain, hermit tendencies and overall feeling bad about myself and I can see why someone wouldn’t want to be friends with me.  I know…it sounds pitiful – ugh!

 

I was actually coming to this forum to ask if anyone has ever tried to move and recreate themselves and I saw this thread.

post #84 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenifer76 View Post

I have way more acquaintances than friends. I can come across as very outgoing and talkative -- but inside I am thinking "They don't like me. I talked to much. Why did I say that?" and so on. Then it gets all akward. We have moved a lot (five times in 10 years) which makes it hard too.

This!!!!! Except I haven't moved except within my town.
post #85 of 89

but honestly, you guys- I don't thin khaving friends has to do with being imperfect or perfect. I mean- when I finally met my husband at age 32, I was still as imperfect- still as good and bad- as all those years when I just couldn't meet the right guy- but we just had the right chemistry and he just loved me as I was. I think it is the same with friendships- I think we don't have to get to a certain level of perfectness or rightness to be worthy! Plenty of people like eachother with all their imperfections! Good luck everyone- I hope everyone finds what they need. I guess we all have different levels of this- I don't find myself being too self critical in wanting close women friends- I do get along with people well. For me it is just about deepening connections- that is what I seek.

post #86 of 89

you should read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

post #87 of 89

Purple Lotus? Are you still here? Did you expect to get a lot of responses from people feeling exactly as you? I am surprised you haven't come back into the conversation.

 

I do not have a whole lot of friends, and I am okay with it, because friends take up a lot of time. At first, I thought I was lonely, worried about why I had few friends -- but I was actually making a choice. I don't know how I came to this realization, but I think the problem begins when we believe we have to be certain ways and have trouble accepting ourselves. I actually like spending a lot of time alone. When I realized that I love sleeping in (and stopped badgering myself about how lazy and unproductive I was -- like where did that meme come from?) I started enjoying it on my days off work guilt free -- what a revelation! (Couldn't do this, of course, until the kids were older) When I realized that Friday nights were a fantastic time to clean house to my favorite tunes (discovered when my kids were on sleepovers/grandmas/dads house -- they had to get a bit older before this happened) -- I felt like I was missing nothing-- bring on the wine and candles!

 

Is any part of your feeling of loneliness related to limited choices? Are your children taking a lot out of you? Is your time limited? Hard to make friends when this is going on.

 

Friends are important. But, how and with whom do you really want to spend your precious time? Are you sure your not just feeling guilt about your current choices because they don't fit someone else's/society's expectations?

post #88 of 89

I have always had trouble making friends. I am bad at small talk and for some reason when in a group it's like I am invisible. I can say something and no one responds but then someone else will say the same thing 30 seconds later and everyone responds...this has happened my whole life and I don't get it. It also seems like people who annoy me are the ones who gravitate to me and I can't get rid of but the people who interest me have no interest in me. For example I belong to the local holistic moms chapter and while they are all friendly toward me I can't seem to make strides in getting close with any of them because they (the core group) all seem to be close with each other. I see on Facebook that they hang out with each other pretty regular but I am only invited to whole group things. I have tried to host 2 play dates at my house but even though everyone acted interested no one showed up. The one play date that they did show up it was 3 of them on one side of the room and me on the other..I was totally interested in their convo but didn't get a chance to contribute..and the one time I did say something I felt like an eavesdropper budding in..which is how I usually feel.

I have been told people think I'm stuck up because I'm quiet, been harassed my whole life about being too quiet, that I look mad/mean...I guess that's just my face :( anyways I read this whole thread and could relate to so much of what everyone said..so I guess I'm not alone in being alone. I would love to have one close friend that I enjoy hanging out with and could lean on and she could lean on me. The other day I posted on facebook that this was a time I hated being a single parent because I needed to be in two places at once and one of my kids had to be disappointed because I couldn't take him to a school event. Someone said couldn't you have a friend take him? She is part of that aforementioned group and to her that was a nobrainer but for me not even an option. Sometimes I think I don't have friends because when I do talk it is about me too much..so I will shut up now..lol.

post #89 of 89

 

 



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by hjdmom24 View Post

for some reason when in a group it's like I am invisible. I can say something and no one responds but then someone else will say the same thing 30 seconds later and everyone responds...this has happened my whole life and I don't get it.

 

I’ve experienced this too.  Each time, I feel like I am in the twilight zone!

 

I never experienced this at work and I wonder if it is because I had proven myself and spoke with more confidence.  (My work personality is different than my social personality.)

 

I have experienced it in volunteer situations – maybe I am not speaking confidently or clearly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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