Urinating When Put in Time Out

[MacroMama]

So, my 2 yo DS (who will be 3 soon) was learned how to use the potty. He does it perfectly without a problem. Hallelujah!

What he's started doing, is that every time we put him in time out, he'll wet his pants and yell that he wants to go to the bathroom. Even if we run over immediately, it's usually too late.

I know this is deliberate because this doesn't happen on any other occasion, even if he's upset so it's not like he's too emotional and forgets to hold it in.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks!

[paquerette]

Maybe it's time to rethink time-out?

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/peter_haiman.html

[redvlagrl]

I don't have any opinions on time outs as my child is only 17 mths, but it sounds like it's totally deliberate (the urination). I suppose it never fails to get your attention! If I was going to stick with the time outs (which I imagine wouldn't be that long at this age anyway) I would let him sit in wet/soiled pants until the time out is done and then change him. I would def. not give any more attention because of it.

I don't know if this helps because my LO is so young and I haven't BTDT, but I wanted to give another POV from the PP.

[fustian]

He's figured his way around time outs. I have friends whose daughter also used this as her method out of time outs.

Like the PP I would rethink using timeouts. They are obviously provoking a very hostile response from your son. I know that timeouts are popular these days, but when I was growing up they weren't used (neither was spanking). Timeouts are not the only alternative to spanking.

[QuestionGal]

Had a friend who went through the same thing with her DS.

The solution that worked for them was that he had to finish his time out (2 min) and afterwards they'd set about cleaning up. There was no reaction about the peeing in time out.

"Mommy, I peed"
"okay, we'll clean it up after you finish your time out"

[sapphire_chan]

it all depends on whether it's more important for him to learn or for you to teach him a lesson. If it is most important to change the behavior that lead to a time out, I would look at other ways to discipline since time outs are just creating new conflict.

if the important thing is keeping him in time out regardless of his feelings or what he's learning from them, strip off his wet clothes without a word aside from reminding him how much time is left. Or put a place for laundry right there so he can put his own wet clothes there.

I think forcing a child to sit in wet clothes when it isn't totally unavoidable is disgusting.

[MamaPhD]

How about time out in the bathroom? It will be easier to clean up after if he contines to pee during time out, and maybe he will associate peeing with bathroom? Just a thought....

[Anna's Lovey]

maybe it's not a deliberate ploy to get out of time outs. my lo is 23 months and not potty trained and she pees when she's frustrated, mad or upset (like when I tell her she can't have something). Just a thought.

[JBaxter]

So sounds like he thinks he can get out of time out. Next time when he goes to time out tell him that if he CHOOSES to wet his pants he will have to finish his time out before you allow him to get up and change. He only sits for what 3 minutes? Kids think they are smart.

Time outs work very well for us here and we will continue to use them when Ds4 gets to that stage.

[*EarthMama*]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

it all depends on whether it's more important for him to learn or for you to teach him a lesson. If it is most important to change the behavior that lead to a time out, I would look at other ways to discipline since time outs are just creating new conflict.

if the important thing is keeping him in time out regardless of his feelings or what he's learning from them, strip off his wet clothes without a word aside from reminding him how much time is left. Or put a place for laundry right there so he can put his own wet clothes there.

I think forcing a child to sit in wet clothes when it isn't totally unavoidable is disgusting.

[Code Name Mama]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

it all depends on whether it's more important for him to learn or for you to teach him a lesson. If it is most important to change the behavior that lead to a time out, I would look at other ways to discipline since time outs are just creating new conflict.

if the important thing is keeping him in time out regardless of his feelings or what he's learning from them, strip off his wet clothes without a word aside from reminding him how much time is left. Or put a place for laundry right there so he can put his own wet clothes there.

I think forcing a child to sit in wet clothes when it isn't totally unavoidable is disgusting.

I completely agree.
For anyone who is open to rethinking the effectiveness of timeouts, Kohn's "Unconditional Parenting" has great info.

Here's another article that might be interesting: http://www.awareparenting.com/timeout.htm

[Letitia]

Not exactly the same thing, but maybe similar? DD went through a stage where if she got an answer she did not want, she would announce "Tinkling!" then squat and pee in her clothes. I think it was around 2-1/2. It was so obviously deliberate, and SO hard not to react with the annoyance I felt. She didn't stop doing it until we got really good at reacting in a completely nonjudgemental way, really only guiding her to clean it up.

We never had to consider the bit about leaving her in wet clothes because she could easily get out of her clothes before she ever was in underpants. The next step for her after "Tinkling!" was stripping. So I'm not sure about the wet pants part. I don't think I would be as bothered by it as some of the other posters, especially for just a few minutes.

[MacroMama]

Hi Everyone.
I really appreciate all the responses posted here. It's given us a lot to think about. I've requested Unconditional Parenting from the library because if there is an alternative to time out that would work, that would be great.

In the meantime, I guess we'll just change him and not make a big deal out of it and see if we can avoid making it an issue.

Thanks!

[madskye]

How much time-out are you having to do lately? I would save it for the biggest offenses (like hitting).

Another thing, at his age, the good thing about time outs is that you can use them to break up whatever negative thing is going on. I looked at them like redirection with a break thrown in. So, if he's doing something that would normally get him time-out, what if you just redirect the situation to taking a break to go to the potty? Then you can take a moment afterward to explain what needs to change before he goes back to play. (No more hitting, help clean up toys, don't draw on the walls, whatever)

It is great that he's going to the potty at 2--I wouldn't want to jeapordize that. Do you feel like he really understands what time outs are all about at 2? We did them with my daughter (she's almost five now) but just for hitting, and not until she was 3.

[SallyN]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

it all depends on whether it's more important for him to learn or for you to teach him a lesson. If it is most important to change the behavior that lead to a time out, I would look at other ways to discipline since time outs are just creating new conflict.

if the important thing is keeping him in time out regardless of his feelings or what he's learning from them, strip off his wet clothes without a word aside from reminding him how much time is left. Or put a place for laundry right there so he can put his own wet clothes there.

I think forcing a child to sit in wet clothes when it isn't totally unavoidable is disgusting.

Ditto.

For the OP, while you wait on your library for Kohn's book, Judy Arnall has some good (succinct) articles regarding time-outs. www.professionalparenting.ca

For anyone else reading this who does choose time-outs as the right choice for their family... my suggestion in this scenario would be to sit the child on the potty before starting the time-out. And also to consider that the undesirable behavior may be caused by the child's need to pee/poop. I've recently made some connections b/w my own (high-needs) DD1... sometimes when she starts getting 'crazy', she actually needs to empty her bladder. Sometimes it helps her night-wakings/terrors as well... I put her on the potty, she pees, and immediately calms down. Food for thought.

[orangefoot]

Originally Posted by SallyN

And also to consider that the undesirable behavior may be caused by the child's need to pee/poop. I've recently made some connections b/w my own (high-needs) DD1... sometimes when she starts getting 'crazy', she actually needs to empty her bladder. Sometimes it helps her night-wakings/terrors as well... I put her on the potty, she pees, and immediately calms down. Food for thought.

My dd isn't want I would call high needs but she definitely goes a bit bonkers and unreasonable when her bladder is up round her ears as my dad used to say! ECing her has given me an insight into all sorts of parts of our relationship that I didn't have with my other children.

[redvlagrl]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

I think forcing a child to sit in wet clothes when it isn't totally unavoidable is disgusting.

I totally agree, however isn't a time out usually 1 min for each year of a child's age? So we'd be talking 2 mins for the OP's child? Presumably the child doesn't urinate until into the time out, so I'm guessing it would be about a minute of sitting in wet clothes.

If she really wants to do a time out as opposed to other solutions, then is it really that bad?