Is living common law with a child together sin?

[PinkNFluffy]

I have a question for those of you who believe in sin.

Is it sin for two people who have been together for years and have a child together, to live together and have sex? Keep in mind, non married.

I ask because this is my situation, we are seperating for other reasons but I have always struggled with this in my spiritual walk.

Thanks

[genifer]

Ya know PinknFluffy... I see it more of a case that we arent sinners bc we sin, but that we sin bc we're sinners.

I think its tough to say really. Some will say its a black and white issue and that yes, you have been living in sin all these years. I would agree to a certain extent but I believe that every single one of us is living in sin. Are you repentant and are you willing to repent and give your life to Christ to live according to His will? This would be the deciding issue.

I believe we are all living in sin, one way or another, it depends on our attitude to our sin with relation to God and what Jesus did on the cross. Salvation is a one time event in an individuals life. Sanctification is a life long process. Was there a time when you gave your life to Christ but turned away?

I would say that as a christian, I wouldnt judge you or think of your sin any worse then mine (I struggle with stuff all the time), but I would encourage you to seek God to find out what His plans for you are... even more importantly I would urge you to seek God so that you can see and know and live in His love for you... It can be a scary place to be but its like nothing else on the planet!

[PinkNFluffy]

Okay, so you do think it is sin, right? I think there are things that are clearly sin. Greed, coveting, adultery, fornication. I just wasn't sure this is fornication because I mean, we've been monogomous for four years. But there was always something in my heart saying it was sin.

[iowaorganic]

I would say it is. Marriage is more than monogamy. It is having made a commitment to each other both before God and before man. Also- if you are questioning something- it is usually for good reason. Everyone has some sin in thier life though.

[PinkNFluffy]

I have always wanted to marry and he didn't really want to as bad. If I stay with him, until I move into my new place, and not have sex with him... is that still living in sin?

Also, why does the marriage have to be preformed in front of man? Isn't it always in front of God because God sees all?

[zinemama]

Doesn't this really depend on what religious perspective you are coming from, OP, and what you mean by "believing in sin"?

I take "believing in sin" to mean, believing that people commit sins. I think they do. But I don't think loving each other and the child you have created together, while living in the same house, constitutes a sin.

(I am not a Christian.)

[cappuccinosmom]

I have always wanted to marry and he didn't really want to as bad. If I stay with him, until I move into my new place, and not have sex with him... is that still living in sin?

No, because you're not fornicating. But if you're goal is to move away from sex outside of marriage, staying in close quarters might not be a step in that direction, kwim?

Also, why does the marriage have to be preformed in front of man? Isn't it always in front of God because God sees all?

Because marriage is a social institution whose success or failure affects more than just the couple. We *need* community, and we need our faith community to support, encourage, and correct us when we're headed the wrong way. With a public marriage, the community is witnessing a couples covenant before God, approving it, standing for it, and agreeing with it. That's important, or at least, those of us who's faith requires marriage before sex feel that it's important. Also, in Christianity we are encouraged to live according to the law of the land and to live our lives in a way that does not bring condemnation or questioning of ethics or intent. In America currently, there are certain things we do to demonstrate the intent to marry and remain married. In other countries, the various hoops to make marriage public and legal differ. Dh and I got married in Ethiopia and didn't need a liscense or any government paperwork for it to be considered legal. Our simple church wedding sufficed. In America, we had a second ceremony for immigration purposes, and in order to be officially and publically married, it was a little more complex than the first time around. We were already married, and we felt it was enough, but there were social and legal ramifications for not going through with the paperwork, so we did it.

[craft_media_hero]

I think that it depends on where you're coming from.

My partner and I have lived together for three years, he has "adopted" my daughter (in the eyes of us and God, as far as I know, but not the law). We both know in our hearts that we are mated for life---like Adam and Eve. I know he is my husband, and he knows I am his wife. We will sign a piece of paper and have a celebration when it is the right time for our family.

We have struggled with other issues, but I've never felt like we were sinning. We are living in love and we honor each other---and Love is the greatest, right?

So if you feel like you are sinning and it's holding you back, then it probably is. But if you are content and living in love and feeling your blessings every day, then I think that God's light is shining on you.

I don't think God frowns in disapproval when He (or She or whatever name you want to use) looks on my family. I think that in most ways, we are right on in our living/thinking/loving, and God knows that we are doing our best.

I hope that your situation works out the best for you and your family.

[Mammajamma]

Originally Posted by PinkNFluffy

I have always wanted to marry and he didn't really want to as bad. If I stay with him, until I move into my new place, and not have sex with him... is that still living in sin?

Also, why does the marriage have to be preformed in front of man? Isn't it always in front of God because God sees all?

I don't know that I can definitely answer this and please don't think I am judging anyone when replying to this. My feelings are as follows...
There are many words in the Old Testament that are translated as sin. They vary in their shades of meaning such as ~ bent, twisted, crooked, revolt against rightful authority, habit of evil, apostasy, rebellion,transgression, vanity, pride, hardness of heart, wandering astray, stubbornness etc. The word for sin most commonly used, however, literally signifies to miss the mark. It is a missing of the Divine will or goal, a falling short,a turning aside from God's will. To sum it up sin is the transgression of or lack of conformity to the law of God. I would have to point out that does not necessarily include the laws made by man- because sometimes those are in direct contrast with God's laws!

To answer the other question about common law and marriage...if I am understanding common law correctly there are certain stipulations such as a shared abode for a specific period of time ( it varies depending on the state I believe), an agreement shared by the couple or permission given by the bride's father in lieu of a certificate. In biblical times you did not have to apply for a " Marriage certificate". In fact, when our country was founded ( US I presume) only those who were otherwise prohibited from marrying had a need for a marriage license...records were kept in the family Bible after arrangements were made between families and hopeful newlyweds. Anyway, if you are worried about fornication or "Sinning" it doesn't really matter~every person ( except Jesus Christ, on earth has sinned. God's Word says in Romans 3:23 " The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Sin leaves a stain on each and every one of us, regardless of what we have done. I have to be the first to admit I am not perfect and I don't know anyone that is...besides Jesus. Perfection is required to get to heaven...because God is perfect and in order for us to be with Him in eternity we must also be perfect. The Bible tells us that we cannot do anything of our own works to clean the stain of sin off of ourselves. Only Jesus, who is perfect and is God, has the power to do that for us. One must only believe that Jesus died for our personal sins ( as well as the sins of the world) and rose again on the third day so that we might be atoned for, to get to be scrubbed clean of our sins in God's eyes. If you have further questions feel free to pm me...I don't have all the answers but I do understand what will happen to me when I leave this earth, even though I am a sinner.
hope that sheds some on your question.

[mamabadger]

According to some Christian interpretations, if a couple are living together, having children together, and otherwise living as if married, they are married for all practical purposes. The marriage ceremony, according to that view, is a blessing on the couple's relationship, not permission to live together. Assuming they intended to remain together, they would not be sinning. Of course, that interpretation would place the same requirements on them as on any other married couple: fidelity, lifelong commitment, etc. A series of temporary common law relationships would be a different matter.

[Shantimama]

Moving this over to the Religious Studies forum.

[lilyka]

sex outside of mariage is a sin every time. even if you have been doing it for years with the same person and have a child together. if I went over to my xh house and had sex with him it would be sin. Even though we were mariied for 15 years and have three children together. we are no longer married and no longer have a right to sex.

the question is what do you want to do?

[haleyelianasmom]

I'm not a religious person, but I used to be and even when i was, my feelings were... NO it is not. The reason? Marriage is a social construct. If you have dedicated yourself to a person, be it between the two of you or in a large church in front of a million people, either way you are making that choice between you and your partner and if you believe in a sentient all-knowing God, than wouldn't he respect and know of this comittment in the same way he would know about a large wedding? People choose not to actually get married at the moment for many reasons (like they can't afford a wedding just yet, they're still in school, whatever), but that just means the WEDDING isn't doable, not the "marriage" as in commitment of two people only to one-another.

Real Life Examples: Couple A was very religious so they decided to get married right away before becoming intimate. They were married with a baby on the way within months of meeting. however, even though their commitment was "before God" in a church, I don't think they ever felt fully committed to one another (you could see this in the way they related to one another). they had a second child and got divorced quickly after that. and both began dating other people.

Couple B met when they were young and they waited a few months before becoming intimate, but all along knew they would get married when they were done with college. They made a commitment to one another and never broke it. Sure enough when they were done with school, they got married and are still very happy together even though they've been married for several years.

[shanniesue2]

Honestly, I think that you are the only one who can answer this question for yourself. Whether you have sinned is between you, your conscience, and whatever higher power you believe in (or don't believe in). I think that if you are feeling uncomfortable with your lifestyle, then you should listen to and explore that feeling. Is it coming from societal/communal expectations of what kind of lifestyle you should lead or is it coming from within your own heart and spirit? If your discomfort/struggle with your lifestyle is truly coming from within, then you probably need to make some changes. If it is coming more from a sense of what others expect of you, then you need to determine if you will happier and healthier living up to those expectations or if you will be happier and healthier determining your own set of self-expectations.

[Shami]

Originally Posted by PinkNFluffy

But there was always something in my heart saying it was sin.

That 'something' in your heart is the Lord Jesus speaking to you. I was reading this in my morning devotional book and I thought of you. Here is a quote:

"When a person believes and is baptized into the Triune God (Trinity), he becomes involved with another person, that is, he marries another person, Christ. Before he believes and is baptized, he is involved with only one person, for he has only himself as his person, that is, the old man. However, once he believes and is baptized into the Triune God, he becomes involved with another person--the divine person who is our Redeemer, Reconciler, and Life-Savior."

My experience has been that the more Christ grows in me, the more sensitive I become to things that I feel, or the Bible says, are sinful. There is another Person in me, Christ, who is full of feeling regarding my life. It is an intimate relationship that is developing between God and me.
It is just like when you live with someone, a mate or a spouse, you are constantly checking in with them. You want to do things that would make them happy. The Lord is our Husband.

Once you feel the Lord is unhappy with something, then the ball is in your court, so to speak. It is up to you to respond. If you don't have the strength to respond to the Lord in the way that you feel He wants you to respond, just ask for the strength and the mercy from Him. Get with other believers who will support you in your response. Honestly, we can't make it alone.

And I wanted to say that I am sorry that you have to separate. Most break ups are hard even if it's mutual or better in the long run.

[haleyelianasmom]

I agree with shanniesue2. We can have this inner guilt feeling when we eat fast food. Does that make it a sin? No, it's just something that we've been told is wrong. Really explore WHY you felt bad about it. Was it because you thought people were judging you? Or because you've been told it is sinful? Or because you didn't thin the relationship was going well?

I had these uncomfortable feelings when i was pregnant with my daughter. why? I was married, but I was a bit younger than your average first time mom (just under 23). Obviously there was nothing wrong with that in reality, but having a baby at 22 is not the norm here.

[Smokering]

According to some Christian interpretations, if a couple are living together, having children together, and otherwise living as if married, they are married for all practical purposes. The marriage ceremony, according to that view, is a blessing on the couple's relationship, not permission to live together. Assuming they intended to remain together, they would not be sinning. Of course, that interpretation would place the same requirements on them as on any other married couple: fidelity, lifelong commitment, etc. A series of temporary common law relationships would be a different matter.

I agree with this interpretation. (OP, this issue came up awhile back on the Spirituality forum - might be worth searching for that thread.)

If you're committed together for life, have a child and live together as man and wife, how are you not married in the Biblical sense? I don't agree with a PP's statement that marriage is about a promise made before God and man. I mean, public declarations are nice and romantic and can be helpful in solidifying a commitment, but Adam and Eve were "married" when there was no public to declare things to (and no mention of Adam making a specific promise to God, either). God knows your heart and whether or not you are committed to your spouse, and the Bible nowhere states that you must make a formal declaration of that commitment.

That said, if something feels wrong it's worth investigating why. If your partner isn't keen on marriage, that might signal problems of commitment on his end (which is another reason a marriage ceremony is useful - it shows both parties are on the same page).

I also think a relationship which began as sinful (casual sex) can turn into a legitimate Biblical common-law marriage. Not that this always happens.. but it can.

(Also, just being bossy here, but a marriage certificate is a really good idea if you share a child together, for a host of legal reasons. So there's that. But that's not very theological!)

[Shami]

Does anyone know how this concept of common law marriage came about? Is there something in the Bible that points to this practice or was it established by the government?

I just did a word search in the New Testament on 'wedding'.
There are three places in the New Testament that speak of a wedding feast. So, there is evidence of holding some sort of celebration with food, which would involve witnesses/party guests. How you go about it and how much money you spend of course is your decision. There is nothing in the NT that says HOW to have a wedding. Unless you count the wedding that Jesus was invited to where He turned the water into wine, there is no 'how to'. Not sure about what the Old Testament says about weddings.

I also think it is important to satisfy the laws of the land, whatever that is where you live. If where you live, common law marriage is acceptable, then that's fine. Just wondering out loud: Can you get a certificate or license for common law marriages?

OP, I realize you didn't ask specifically for Biblical stuff, but it seems like a lot of Bible type folks are answering. Is this what you were looking for?

[Purple*Lotus]

Originally Posted by haleyelianasmom

I agree with shanniesue2. We can have this inner guilt feeling when we eat fast food. Does that make it a sin? No, it's just something that we've been told is wrong.

This is way off topic, but I think technically it is a sin to eat junk food. This is something I have talked about with my Pastor at length, as I have serious food issues. That is just my own belief though.

[Smokering]

There is nothing in the NT that says HOW to have a wedding.

There's nothing in the NT that says TO have a wedding either. Or the OT. There's the commandment not to have sex outside of marriage and to be faithful within it, but marriage is never defined in terms of a wedding. The original prototype for marriage is given in Genesis 2, and involves a man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife, and they becoming one flesh. Pretty simple, really.