On a scale of one to ten how mad would you be? - Page 2

[ann_of_loxley]

I quite like the sound of this gated condo community! - Wish we had places like that here!!!

Personally I wouldn't be too upset. We all live and learn. If its uncomfortable for you (and I can understand why - due to mamazees explanation of it), then I would just simply explain to my son that I do not want him alone in a house without another mummy or daddy there. Let it go after that, just keep an eye on things.

[bobandjess99]

WOAH. I think you have every right to tell YOUR child to come home immediately, if he finds himself in a house with no parent, but you are completely, I mean, COMPLETELY wrong to tell him to kidnap (yep, thats what it would be) another child. If the other child's parents are okay with her bring home alone, that is totally their decision.

[hakeber]

Okay, fair enough, but she was all "I'm really scared to be home alone, please don't leave me here alone."

What do you say to that? It was so sad, seriously.

[hakeber]

She's also (like all the kids) over here all the time once they get home from school (in out about) and we always call over to let the other mom know if they stay, either shout across, or call on the intercom phone between houses...but you're right that was a reactionary thing to say.

[Ceinwen]

Muh. It wouldn't have bothered me. I may have liked a heads up from the other parent ("Running out for 15 minutes - kids watching a movie. Is that cool?") But my kid is super reliable and I've been leaving her alone for short periods of time since about age four or so.

[zeldamomma]

I can't imagine leaving someone else's 5 y.o. unsupervised in my home. Little kids do dumb things. They could have decided to cook and set the house on fire. They could knock over a heavy piece of furniture and be unable to get out from underneath, and no one would hear them yell for help. They could get into the booze, or the medicine cabinet. All kinds of bad things could happen, and no one would have any idea what they were doing.

I am willing to believe that some 5 y.o.s are responsible enough to be left alone for a few minutes, but add another kid, and you change the whole dynamic.

This seems like a no brainer to me. I would be a lot less comfortable with having my kid in someone's home after they did that. Who knows what else they allow that I wouldn't?

I don't consider myself over-protective, and would be much more comfortable with the parent telling the kids they need to go outside, rather than leaving them in the house. Outside with lots of adults around is much safer than 2 five year olds with no supervision indoors.

I would tell my kid that in the future they are not allowed to play in anyone's house unless an adult is there. If I didn't trust that my child would follow that rule, I would tell him he wasn't allowed to go in a friend's house without asking first, and then I'd touch base with the adults involved to make sure they were going to be around.

[sioleabha]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I don't think you're crazy, and I do think it's different. Kids running around outside are part unsupervised but part supervised by everyone in a close knit neighborhood. Every yard they play in has a parent outside or in the house easy to reach or yell to if there is a problem. But in a house with no parent and out of the ear shot of the rest of the neighborhood as well is not the same scenario.

I totally agree. While I don't let my kids play out of the yard without me until they are six (and then only with an older sibling), I think there is a big difference between riding your bike in front of the house and being alone in someone else's house. If you don't think there's a difference between kids being outside where the whole neighborhood can keep an eye out and being alone in someone's house, ask yourself where you'd rather have your thirteen year old daughter hanging out with a boy. Sitting on the sidewalk in front of the house, or alone with no parents at his house?

Secondly, I think there's a difference between ME decided where it's ok for my kid to be unsupervised, and someone else who was watching my child deciding to leave him unsupervised without so much as telling me. If I left my child with a sitter, and said it was ok for him to play in the front yard, I wouldn't expect the sitter to take that as permission to run to the store and leave my child home alone.

[SunshineJ]

Honestly if I were the other parent I'd be really puzzled as to why you're upset. From your description (basically a locked down area, kids freely floating between houses, doors open, etc.) it sounds a lot like a big community living area where the kids are free to go where they want to. You've given every indication that you are fine with that. So one parent leaves for a few minutes, if the kids are scared they can go to the next house. Now, this may be all off, but really, that sounds like what you're describing, and if that's the case given the level of supervision you routinely provide, I can't really see why you'd expect the mom to think her leaving for a few minutes would upset you. And really, unsecured guns and illegal drugs?? You're seriously worried about that and still let your kid run into any house or visit without checking it out first. This is all really confusing to me.

[MusicianDad]

I'm with those who wonder, if they can safely run around outside with no supervision then why is it some how worse to be inside? I'd never do that myself, but then I also didn't have DD playing unsupervised outside at that age either.

[philomom]

No 5 year deserves to be left home unattended. The law requires young children to be supervised. I'd be hopping mad. I'd also not allow my son to be over there at all unless you knew there was a grown up home. And if you suspect this little girl is left home alone quite a bit.. I'd call CPS.

[sophiesgrandma]

I'm not trying to be ornery but how could one call cps on someone who leaves 5 year olds unattended at home and not call cps on someone who leaves 5 year olds unattended outside?

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by philomom

No 5 year deserves to be left home unattended. The law requires young children to be supervised. I'd be hopping mad. I'd also not allow my son to be over there at all unless you knew there was a grown up home. And if you suspect this little girl is left home alone quite a bit.. I'd call CPS.

She is in costa rica, not the US.

I also don't see the big deal. I always assume, if you trust me with yoru kdis, then you trust my judgement. If that includes leaving them alone for 10 minutes or whatever. No big deal. I think you overreacted a bit.

[rainbowmoon]

I'd be upset but I wouldn't freak out or call CPS. I would definitely let the mom know I wasn't happy about the situation. Who the hell leaves two 5yo's and drives away? seriously? I'd also make DS aware that he is NOT to play at someones house without an adult.

I don't let my 6yo play totally unsupervised and I'd NEVER leave him for 5 min and drive away! he may be out of site in the yard playing but I am checking on him every 5 min or so and watch him from the window/deck/porch. I'd be more vigilant if he had a friend over. That is disturbing the more I think about it.

ETA- Maybe I am paranoid but I certainly would not allow my kid to play at that friends house anytime soon!

[rainyday]

Originally Posted by philomom

No 5 year deserves to be left home unattended. The law requires young children to be supervised. I'd be hopping mad. I'd also not allow my son to be over there at all unless you knew there was a grown up home. And if you suspect this little girl is left home alone quite a bit.. I'd call CPS.

Actually, many states/municipalities do not set a minimum age, so it's quite likely not against the law.

That being said, I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask the mom to let you know if she's going out and to tell her you're not yet comfortable with the kids being home alone unsupervised. And I totally agree that you should tell your son the same thing.

Now you know that you don't have the same comfort level for supervision as another parent. This is only one of many times that you'll encounter this over the next several years. I've found that these situations help me figure out what exactly I'm comfortable with and what I'm not and why - and that helps me better guide my child while also re-evaluating my thoughts about independence/unsupervised time regularly.

[rainbowmoon]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

She is in costa rica, not the US.

I also don't see the big deal. I always assume, if you trust me with yoru kdis, then you trust my judgement. If that includes leaving them alone for 10 minutes or whatever. No big deal. I think you overreacted a bit.

I don't think it's overreacting at all to be po'd if my kid is in your care and you LEAVE him! That's clearly irresponsible wherever you live! remember the couple that went out to dinner and left their children alone in the hotel?

[rainbowmoon]

Originally Posted by sophiesgrandma

I'm not trying to be ornery but how could one call cps on someone who leaves 5 year olds unattended at home and not call cps on someone who leaves 5 year olds unattended outside?

apples and oranges.

[One_Girl]

I view it as my job to make sure my dd is not in a home where a parent isn't going to be so I wouldn't be mad. I would call police if the child is left home again, but I am also the kind of person who would call the police if a young child was running around the neighborhood unsupervised. We have had several kids that age killed by cars where I live because they don't have safety totally down yet, and I wouldn't want that on my conscious. I am not sure what the laws regarding leaving kids home alone are in where you are living. At the least, I think you need to make sure that you make sure a parent is home or have your son only play outside.

[limabean]

I personally would be upset if my 5yo DS and a peer were left unattended in someone's house, but I also sit outside and watch DS the entire time he plays outside our condos. I can understand why the other mom thought you wouldn't mind what she did.

[AbbieB]

I think playing outside "unsupervised" is completely different than leaving a 5 year old and friend home alone while you leave for school, hoping Daddy will be home in a few minutes.

I have allowed my 5 year old (now 6) to play in the yard with out being outside with her, but I am looking out the window every few minutes. If I don't see her, or if I see other adults near by I make my presence known by going outside. If something where to happen I am available to help.

She is allowed to play over at the neighbors hour inside, but only because I know the other parent is in the house supervising. Do I expect her to be literally watching the kids every move? No. But she's there if something happens.

If I found out that DD was being left alone in the house, with no adult available, I would be pretty mad and would restrict indoor play at that house from then on.

I find it weird that folks don't seem to see a difference between these 2 situations.

[newbymom05]

I would be upset if that happened to my almost-5 y/o, but I also would be uncomfortable to have my child going into random homes whether the parents were home or not. I think I'm on the overprotective side, but I wouldn't have a problem with my preschooler playing in a large fenced in area that I could see him from a window at all times. To me going into someone's home is different, esp if there is no adult supervision. I agree w/ the poster who suggested talking to the parents about sending them back to you if they have to leave.