Shoud I continue my dd in dance lessons?

[beth144]

My dd (will be 5 in a couple of weeks) is very creative and bright. She loves dancing and performing, but lately in class she is having a very hard time focusing and staying on task, she's also been having meltdowns during class (usually after she falls down) and then very pouty after.

Last year she was in tap dance which she loved until about this time of year when they start repetitively practicing the recital routine. We are now at that stage with her ballet this year and I'm just very frustrated with the situation. I want dance to be fun for her and it just doesn't seem like she is having fun anymore. At the same time I'm not sure letting her quit is the answer. Her teacher seems to think I should wait until the costumes arrive. She seems to think that will change my dds attitude. I'm not so sure.

Any advice? She's my oldest, so I just don't have any experience with sort of thing and I'm just really confuse on what to do about it. TIA!

[philia]

I would pull her

There are so many different activities out there. Why pay and go through the trouble if it is not going to a positive one ? I went through the same sort of thing with soccer. We do tennis now twice a week and I am mad at myself for trying to make her stick with soccer. I think there is something to be said for practicing and not giving up but she is only five and there is a world of activities out there.
Philia

[LauraLoo]

We also went through the same thing with my dd when she was 3 turning 4. She completed the year, but then asked to do something different. The last half of this year was practicing for the recital and I could tell that she was not liking doing the same thing over and over, week after week even though she didn't complain. We tried gymnastics for a change, she loved it, and has been going year-round for almost two years now by her choice. It's something that she looks forward to every week.

Last summer (age 5) she asked to do dance again, and I found a studio that had a mini-summer session. After the 5 weeks were over, she was done....again! While she loves the idea of dance, she does not like the practice and repetition involved at this point. We didn't stop doing gymnastics during this and she happily decided that she preferred gymnastics to dance.

I was talking to my son's violin teacher and she said it is common for students to take a break now and then -- even if they are serious. She said that sometimes the student decides not to come back and pursue something different. Some students come back renewed and energized.

How long until the costumes come in? Can you ask your dd to make a final decision once the costumes come in? I definitely wouldn't put any pressure on her to continue if she is through with it. It's not worth it to be frustrated over an activity if there is no longer an interest -- and definitely not worth it if it causes melt-downs. JMHO.

[karemore]

I wouldn't make a child that young continue with something that is making her so unhappy. A 5 year old shouldn't be having meltdowns in dance class.

I would be more worried that she is going to lose her love of dancing then I would about any negative effects of letting her quit something mid season.

It wouldn't hurt to ask around about a dance studio that doesn't have a year end recital.

[hipumpkins]

I don't consider it "quitting" especially at 5. I mean the class length is arbitrary so maybe the dance year is just too long for her.
Trying new things is a great part of being a kid. If you are not concerned about her being in the recital and you don't think she wants to do it then let her bow out. Take the costume home for dress up.

[pigpokey]

It may sound lame but have you tried feeding her peanut butter, cheese, etc. right before class to keep her blood sugar up. Or getting her more sleep?

[TEAK's Mom]

There is a time when it becomes important to see things through to the end, if you've made a commitment and others are counting on you, but I don't think that time is at age 5.

It seems pretty common in dance for the spring term to be largely dedicated to preparing for the recital. The first year my girls took dance--at ages 3 and 5--they got a little frustrated in the spring...until the recital. They loved the costumes, the make-up, and the fun of performing. Since then, they have been much more accepting of the preparation.

Only you can make the call. If you think that she will enjoy the recital, it might be worth it to keep her going. If you think that the pay-off is not worth the slog, then pull her now. She can always start again some other term if she is interested.

[beth144]

Thank you all for your insightful replies, you've brought up a lot of good points. The recital is part of my dilemma, because I know my dd really does want to do the performance. I talked to her a few weeks ago about taking a break from dance and she was all for it until I mentioned she would not be able to do the recital if she stopped dance now. The only reason I mentioned it to her was because I wanted her to be fully aware of the situation and not ask a month down the road when she was going to do her recital. Also part of the problem is that the class is held at 1:30 in the afternoon and its 30min away. My dd gets very sleepy sometimes on the ways to class.

[laehmichal]

I would look into other studios for dance lessons for her. you may be able to find a class at a different time, formatted differently, and having more variety. some YMCAs even have ballet, and the sessions are only 8 weeks or so at a time - this may be more attainable for her, as they require less longterm commitment. i danced my whole life, and my own dd is starting in the fall, but there are no recitals at our studio until the kids get older and into more serious classes. It sounds like she enjoyed learning different things every week, and the repetitive classes were boring for her. I bet if you could find a non-performing class, she would have fun. If she wants to do a performance, there are always community-based productions looking for little ones, and that might satisfy her stage-need separate from learning how to dance.

[Bird Girl]

When DD was that age, we were able to find a dance class (through our local community center) that was dance instruction only; no recital or performance. In her six-year-old year, we went ahead and did a recital, but this year, her seven-year-old year, we've gone with a different studio that is just learning and training for younger students. (Ironically, the new studio is "more serious" for older students, but for younger ones, it seems like less pressure.) For me personally, I don't care for the the little dancing-debbie kind of places, but obviously, some people really go in for little girls in makeup and costumes.

If you don't like what you're getting at a particular studio, find another. There's no need to suffer through something that feels wrong for your kid.