Anyone NOT preparing for labor?

[AmyKT]

With my first pregnancy, I planned and read and took classes and got a doula. I wanted to be completely prepared for the birth of my dreams, and although it all went pretty well (unmedicated hospital birth with CNM), there are some things I would do differently if given the chance. This time, I find myself feeling like I don't want to do all that prep again for birth. I can't get myself to read anything, I don't think I want a doula (she was good but got on my nerves at the end, and I'd like to save my money for many lactation consulations this time), and I'm halfheartedly thinking about hypnobabies, but mostly, I just want to go with my gut this time. I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for hard times if I'm that laid back, though.

I think a part of my hesitation for prepping this time is that after all that focus on birthing last time, I was completely knocked off balance by the hard realities of having a newborn. Breastfeeding was hard, not sleeping was hard, the whole complete life change was hard. I feel like that's where I want my energy to go this time. I know it doesn't have to be one or the other, but that's where my mind seems to want to go.

So what do you think? Am I going to mess up this time if I don't prepare? Maybe I'll get into the planning thing again as the date gets closer. I'm only halfway there. Or is it ok to just go into birth with a laid back attitude?

I'll still have my birthplan, and I hope I get to use one of the few tubs available, and I'll know not to push so early this time, but maybe that's about it. I don't know. Maybe that's enough. I just felt like I did so much studying the first time.

[summerforever1977]

I know what you mean about investing so much time and energy into the birth preperation and not preparing for the realities of caring for a newborn. I did a lot of reading about birthing, did Hypnobabies with devotion and dedication, and focused so much on the birth prep. Had my perfect homebirth with water all lined up. Then everything went wrong; my baby presented breech at 8cm dilation and I had to transfer to the hospital for a c-section. It took a long, long time to mourn the loss of my birth and any future plans for homebirthing.

I did a little reading up on babies; if you hold them they won't cry-so I got slings; if you co-sleep you'll get sleep too-no problem there; buy swings and things to keep them moving for when you have to shower or cook dinner (until you can finally back carry with carrier). Reality hit and my baby hated slings, cried no matter what I did, I couldn't sleep well with the baby in bed with me because I would not allow myself to go into anything other than light sleep -no deep restful sleep. Baby wouldn't go for swings, bouncers, whatever, so showering and cooking dinner to a backseat; didn't cook dinners for like six months.

Anyway, so yeah now I'm having baby number two (any day now!) and I am far more focused on the care of the baby. That's not to say that I didn't prep for birth this time, but am doing it with a far more laid back attitude. I did hire a doula since I'm birthing at the hospital, and I am doing Hypnobabies again but I didn't bother doing the reading or practice exercises. I'm only listening to the affirmations daily and I listen to the scripts as I fall asleep every night.

But the bulk of concentration is going into prepping the family for our new addition and whatever craziness that may bring. I have almost an entire months worth of meals frozen in the freezer, I've been organizing my house like a mad woman, have all the washing done (I still needed to wash baby stuff AFTER my son was born because I was so blaise about it), have all the baby stuff set up, hired a mother's helper three weeks ago so my son can get used to her before the new baby arrives, and have been mentally preparing for the worst but hoping for the best.

I think my focus is far better placed on prepping for the baby and doing what I can to prepare for the birth. And you are right, it does not have to be one or the other, all or nothing. Just do what you can to be ready and life will hit you with whatever it's gonna bring anyway. Good luck in your pregnancy and birth, and the new babe.

[Lit Chick]

I put a lot of energy into labor prep with #1, and had a fast easy and beautiful homebirth. This time, I am doing minimal prep. I know what to expect, know I can do it. I might read some positive bith stories to get me in the mood, but other than that... nah.

I think prepping for the first is important, because it's a lot to handle and it can be overwhelming. But when you've been there done that? A small refresher to get in a good headspeace is about all I'm planning. Here's hoping it does not backfire!

[Dena]

Honestly, my second birth was sooo much different than my first. My body just took over - it seemed to know what to do. I had done a bit of refresher reading to remind me about breathing, opening my jaw, visualizations, etc., but other than that, I mostly prepared for actually having the baby in the house. I am glad I did, because once I was in heavy labor, I really didn't need any help like I did the first time. I didn't need coaching or any of the people around me. Just me. I think I could have given birth alone in a cave and been fine.

And having the second baby at home was different too. I mean, there were a ton of adjustments going from one to two, but the actual dealing with the baby - breastfeeding, night nursings, diapers, etc., well, it was all familiar because I had done it before, and I even was able to remember the rough patches from last time and remember that they were just that - rough patches that would end. Knowing that there was a light at the end of the tunnel made all the difference. Of course, so did the fact that by then I had accepted that there was no way I was going to be a perfect mommy and that sometimes my baby was going to cry or be upset and it didn't mean I was failing her. Whew, that was a load off to let that perception go!

So this time, mainly what I am focusing on is being in a good mental place to go through the labor process. And focusing on just how I am going to care for two babies after that.

[Mosaic]

I prepped pretty well for the first, and notsomuch this time around. Though I had an awesome birth and babymoon, what I really learned is that the best thing you can do is just focus on going with the flow. Every birth and every baby is different, and there's not a heck of a lot you *can* do to prepare, other than being aware of what might happen and what your options are.

[bendmom]

This will be my 3rd, and I'm just "going with the flow" just as I did with the 2nd one. My mom hyped all teh breathing methods, how I should be angled, etc. for the first one. Well, my water broke a month early and 40 min. later he was born. We barely made it to the hospital. All the fancy breath work and hypnotherapy didn't get used at all.

The second time I just took deep breaths and pushed. The body pretty much knows what to do in this case I think. I had a friend tell me something important though for me to remember about this time around. SHe spent the beginning of labor making high pitched squeals, etc., and not alot was happening. The midwife showed up and told her to go deap into the pain and make low grunting noises. SHe swore this helped the delivery go faster.

So this time around, I'll just focus on going deep into the pain and making low noises.. it seems primal and perfect.

[YummyYumYumMama]

Originally Posted by bendmom

SHe spent the beginning of labor making high pitched squeals, etc., and not alot was happening. The midwife showed up and told her to go deap into the pain and make low grunting noises. SHe swore this helped the delivery go faster.

i had the same experience! as soon as i was able to channel the noise into a low moan rather than a high-pitched yell, things progressed MUCH more quickly and also felt less painful. i think it's just another way to accept the pain rather than resist it, in a way, as weird as that might sound.

[dannic]

I prepped a lot with my first, but after that I felt like I knew how my body handled labor and was much more calm, efficient and comfortable in the labor process--so much so that my second was born en route to the bc, lol. (No one believed me about being in transition)
The third was a HB and took a bit of soul searching to overcome some fears but I didn't research that time around either--just came to mdc for support. Once labor kicked in, I was in the mode again.
This time around, I am again not researching but am enjoying the process and looking forward to our second hb.
I have gone over things with my midwife as things come up, but that's about it. I do tend to read about birth when I'm not pregnant tho. Once I am, I just need to focus on life.
So you can have a totally fine experience! I think the main thing is to be prepared for the unknowns, and to trust your body.

OTOH, my friend wasn't prepared for the pain of a natural birth, had her first just fine (6 hrs) but couldn't relax in labor with her second (fear-tension cascades) and had a 13 hr labor with her second. With her third she did alot of reading and overcoming fear and had another 6 hr labor. So there's another scenario for you.

[AmyKT]

Thanks everyone. This really helps a lot. I do have some lingering fear issues, dannic, so some fear release work is a good idea. Otherwise, I'll do a bit of refresher reading and go with some inner wisdom (assuming it's there).

In addition to studying a lot the first time, I was also very private. No friends or family were allowed in until it was all over. I'm thinking I may want to involve some other women this time, as long as I'm feeling it's helpful.

I'm so glad to know that the second time felt very instinctual for all of you.

[Shazer]

I read everything I could for my first, did everything 100% right and natural, and the intended homebirth ended up being a c/s. This time I've talked about fears with my new midwife, gone to a chiropractor, but otherwise haven't had any desire to read everything and be totally prepared. Labor wasn't bad the first time around. Dealing with other people and their expectations and pressures was horrendous and made the birth much more difficult and the emotions after hard to overcome. So this time I think I'll be happy if I can just be left alone to do what my body needs to do. And the new MW I'm seeing has the same attitude.

[TheGorge]

It's my first (and only, according to current plans) pregnancy. I read a bunch of stuff here and there, but I'm not preparing at all. I was investigating home birth this and last week, but can't deal with the naturopathic associations... So, my current "plan" is to:
- Install a car seat
- After reading stories about co-sleeping here, buy a regular crib
- Look up how to drive to the hospital & their #
- Labor at home while comfortable/no green water/etc., then drive there.

The more I hear/read about people preparing, the more I get turned off.

EDIT: At moderator's request, let me restate - what you guys are saying in this thread confirms what I heard from my doctor and what I've read in Birthing From Within, namely: that making birth plans and creating a very specific vision can set one up for a disappointment, because you can't control things you can't control, no matter how hard you try.

[soso-lynn]

I had a great homebirth with my first and did not specifically prepare. I did read up on possible complications and was educated on the physiology of birth but I did not learn any techniques or follow any methods or anything. I believe that birth is a natural physiological event and it follows that the only preparation required is to not be scared or misinformed.

This time, no planning either besides discussing it with my 5yo and answering her questions.

[BethMama]

I could have written the OP here. With my son, I read and read and read, practiced and practiced (no classes, though). I am glad I did, because even though I wound up not using a lot of the techniques I learned, it gave me the confidence I needed when I was in labor (looong, labor, OP babe). My body just knew what to do, but I knew to let it from the prep we did. However, I felt like I, too, was so focused on having the ideal birth that I almost lost sight of what came after, and BOY was it a shock!!

This time I am skimming through Birthing From Within, and all Ina May Gaskin books I have, just rereading the highlighted portions to maintain the attitude of confidence going in. I am with PP in that the emphasis is heavily on preparing the family for what's truly ahead and rejoicing in new life this time around (while hoping for the birth we'd like)!

[AmyKT]

Originally Posted by TheGorge

The more I hear/read about people preparing, the more I get turned off.

EDIT: At moderator's request, let me restate - what you guys are saying in this thread confirms what I heard from my doctor and what I've read in Birthing From Within, namely: that making birth plans and creating a very specific vision can set one up for a disappointment, because you can't control things you can't control, no matter how hard you try.

I don't think anyone here said that it was wrong to prep the first time--quite the contrary. What they said was that it was not necessary to do so much the second time. I do think that the preparations I made the first time made it possible for me to have a natural birth.

[welsh]

Originally Posted by AmyKT

I do think that the preparations I made the first time made it possible for me to have a natural birth.

So so true.
I will listen to my hypnobirthing cd at night as a way of relaxing into a deeper sleep (something I have problems with).
I'll also refresh my memory about the emotional signposts of transition as I had a fast labour last time round and don't want to find myself in the grocery store crowning!
More of my energy right now is going into having quality time with DS and enjoying him for the fun toddler he is!

[Loving1]

It's my first time. I'm going to do some reading to know what to expect so that I can be informed, but this is what my body was built to do. I want my focus to be totally on my child - not how pretty how my nursery is or whether I had the perfect birth.

A few years ago, a friend was upset for years because she did not spend the first few moments of her son's life with him. She brought up in every conversation how she was still working to bond with him because of that. She had a beautiful healthy toddler and her focus years later was on a few moments at the hospital that didn't go the way she wanted them to.

This is my first child, so I have no idea how that can impact a new mom, but I don't want to build up things in my mind that leave me so disappointed that they take me away from the mothering experience.

[Denelle]

We haven't done anything (besides buy the supplies) to prepare ourselves for this labor It is our third baby, and we didn't take classes with our second either.

[RedOakMomma]

With my second birth, I didn't do 10% of the prep I did for my first birth. I don't regret preparing for that first birth, because it really helped up my confidence and my abilities in labor, but I learned it then. I didn't need to go back.

With my second birth/pregnancy, I did look for inspiration and support. I found Ina May's books on labor and pregnancy and loved, loved reading them. For me, it was the perfect way to refresh my memory on the naturalness of birth, the beauty of it, and it got me really excited to do it over again.

[Joyster]

My first labour I prepared. My second not so much. My third, I will be hiring a doula for support, since it will be non med (my second was non med). I think I would have coped better with my second with a doula, but I'm four months along, so not in a huge hurry. Two kids underfoot does a bit to take its wear and tear on my preparation energy levels too.

[summerforever1977]

Originally Posted by Loving1

A few years ago, a friend was upset for years because she did not spend the first few moments of her son's life with him. She brought up in every conversation how she was still working to bond with him because of that. She had a beautiful healthy toddler and her focus years later was on a few moments at the hospital that didn't go the way she wanted them to.

This is my first child, so I have no idea how that can impact a new mom, but I don't want to build up things in my mind that leave me so disappointed that they take me away from the mothering experience.

Just speaking from my own experience but it is hard on a mama if her birth doesn't go as planned. Plus, I did not lay eyes on my son for about 7 hours after he was born since I was put under General Anesthesia and had to go into recovery and then when I awoke I couldn't get the nurses to bring him to me for a couple of hours more when I was finally begging and pleading. It is still a sore spot but in no way affects my bonding with my son, nor has it ever. Just putting this out there so you know that you may have unresolved feelings if your birth doesn't go as planned, but it doesn't mean it will take you away from the mothering experience. Good luck with your new baby!