do you have to labour in a specific way to UC?

[SilverFish]

i just had my first baby 3 weeks ago. due to her coming 5 weeks early, our midwife recommended that we transfer to the hospital instead of continuing with our planned homebirth, not because we had any concerns about either of our ability to labour and birth, but because if she ended up needing help for preemie problems later, it would be a lot less unpleasant for a postpartum mum to already be at the hospital (which was exactly right... i had a room down the hall from the NICU for 3 days, instead of not being a patient at the hospital at all). anyway, our birth was lovely... the hospital room was just a room, no medical interventions, we both did exactly what our bodies were designed to do.

however, during my pregnancy, i was strongly drawn to the idea of UCing. there was never any question in my mind that i wanted a quiet, calm and hands off experience. there wasn't, and isn't now, any fear at all about childbirth. it hurt like the dickens, but it never even crossed my mind that my body couldn't do this without any help from anyone.

when i get pregnant again, i'll definitely be planning another homebirth, but i'm thinking about UC as well. my question is this... do you think you have to be a certain kind of labourer to UC well? my concern is how not in control i was. people write their birth stories and know how long things took, or how far apart their contractions were, or who said what or where they were. most of my labour is just this crazy intense blur. i can't even remember when my first contraction was or what it felt like. my body completely took over from basically the first contraction and didn't let up until she was out. i "know" i had a few breaks in there when i could talk and ask for things and make decisions, but really, very very few, and i don't remember really what i was thinking when i look back. i read stories about people making concious decisions during their labours (especially UCers) and that just wasn't me at all. do you think it's important to have your conscious brain present during a labour where you are in charge of making decisions? if something had gone wrong during my labour and i had been UCing, i really don't know if i would have been in any shape to do anything about it.

my midwife was totally hands off and never suggested or did anything to me that i wasn't already wanting to do (like helping me move into different positions for example) but without that outside force sort of focusing me, i don't know if i'd ever have collected myself enough to move to the toilet, for example, or go on my hands and knees.

i'd love to know how present UCers have felt during their labours. are things clear or foggy? do you think some people just don't labour the "right" way to manage to do it on their own?

[zoebird]

there is no "right" way to labor.

it sounds to me that you went into that deep, intuitive space during labor. you say that the "midwife was totally hands off and never suggested or did anything to me that i wasn't already wanting to do (like helping me move into different positions for example)..."

so, in truth, you were already in the process, she just "sped it up" a bit. IMO, by doing so, she distracted you from your natural timing, giving you the sense that "without that outside force sort of focusing me, i don't know if i'd ever have collected myself enough...."

i don't believe that to be true. i believe that you were already in motion, and then she "helped" you with that motion. Did you *really* need that help? was it required? I guess that it *wasn't*. it was helpful (i suppose), but not necessary. You would have found your way to the toilet, hands and knees, or whatever else you needed.

Another element you ask is whether or not one is "conscious." I think of people having three kinds of consciousness: cognitive consciousness, subconsciousness, and super-consciousness.

cognitive consciousness is the experience we have being awake--the left and right brain, knowledge, etc.

subconsciousness is that deep observer that we have that connects the dots for us--observing the conscious and the wider world of information coming in through the bodily senses, and also connecting to the super-consciousness.

super-consciousness is that "spirit" state of being connected to all things at all times. everyone always is, btu we are not always functioning from that place. "enlightened people" (ike the buddha) supposedly live from that space, and draw it through subconsciousness and into consciousness which is where we function in our daily lives. but, all human beings do this quite frequently. it's our natural state.

but we most often notice this when we are in specialized states: prayer, meditation--anything thta is deeply focused. Athletes experience it as "flow" and laboring mothers as "labor land."

Quite simply, there is nothing else in the experience except Being the Doing. The Skier is Being Skiing. The runner is Being Running. the laboring woman is Being Labor.

So, in that moment, the mother is living the superconsciousness, and this superconsciousness knows exactly what is necessary.

go back to the skiing example. a friend of mine is a skier, and he is competitive. he says that he knows a race was a "really good run" for him when he doesn't remember any part of the race. he doesn't remember nearly missing that tree or whatever. he doesn't remember the terrain or how he responded to it. he remembers starting and finishing. In between, he was Being Skiing.

it doesn't suprise me that you don't remember things. you were Being Labor. most women remember things because while Being Labor, those things were part of their observation within their super consciousness.

for me, labor had this "timeless" quality. I know that it lasted 24 hrs, cognitively and based on what DH tells me, but i didn't experience it as 24 hrs. And, i sure as heck did not experience the last two hours as two hours--to me, that felt like no time at all. . .maybe five minutes.

So in particular, i was Being Labor for those last two hours. It was timeless, and i only remember doing certain movements and sounding, because that is waht i was Doing while Being. i don't remember feeling the baby move into the canal or move out of my body. one minute, he was in, the next moment, he was out! yet, cognitively, my husband said that time lasted 2 hrs.

So, what i am saying is, you were in the best possible state for labor. what you experience and waht others experience is still Being Labor, but what we experience during and remember is what we draw through to the consciousness because it is our experience of Doing while Being.

and that will be different for different people based on a million different factors.

So, there is no "right" way to labor. And it reads to me that what you experienced would "set you up" great for a UC in the future if you choose to have one.

[carolhagan]

Trying to put this in a way that doesn't seem disrespectful.

When you hire a midwife, you give her a certain degree of control and responsibility. When you walk into a hospital, you are no longer in your domain. Even women who have the feeling of control, aren't completely in control. They have to work around the hospital, doctors, midwives, etc.

In a unassisted birth, you ARE the only one who is responsible. You haven't given up any control, and I think that forces you to see things more subjectively. You may be surprised how clear your decision making is when you are actually the one who has to make the decisions.

[NettleTea]

Zoebird, what you wrote about 'being' is so spot on. Thank you for sharing.

[forthebest]

Yes as zoebird said there is no 'right' way to labour though in my experience during my hb transfer to hospital against my wishes the midwife certainly seemed to think there was a 'right' way to labour as she told me very specifically that I wasn't doing it 'right' and was very short-tempered with me. She 'coached' me to push against myself and before I was ready till I was absolutely exhausted. I birthed vaginally eventually on all fours with severe PPD for a long time after. I uc'ed twice after that and didn't feel the urge to push until crowning, I felt that pushing was actually unnecessary and I had to hold back when the urge did come to facilitate a smoother delivery. Funny how you can feel some things are 'needed' when you have been given that idea from someone else say during a first birth where you are basically being told what to do and it's not a helpful thing to do at all, I found that in labour with my 2nd child and going unnassisted that I had been programmed by my first experience and I had to tell myself to go with the flow that there was no need to force push, I had to unlearn the rubbish they had forced me to do. It does sound like you took responsability for your own decisions anyway and as every woman is different it depends what you need/would like during labour, I for one am not into people touching me at all, I don't find it useful and can be quite panicky but if left to my own devices I will just get on with it. I found that it was getting easier and more enjoyable to give birth( unnassisted) and had I had more births I reckon I would have regained more control over the event including emotionally dealing with it all.

[claddaghmom]

I think what you're grappling with is just the various ways women interpret or experience their birth. Some might give over entirely to a physical state, and let things happen without being conscious of them. Others try to remain in a conscious state and analyze everything. I don't think either one will exclude you from an UC, although each one might have its own disadvantages.

In regular life, I tend to over analyze everything. I carry a planner, verbally work through small decisions, the whole 9 yards. So I was surprised to find that I did not care during labor. Most of my birth story is pieced together from talking to others and guessing. Or for example, DH counted some contractions and would call out the number, so I managed to remember it. If no one had been there at all...I would not have been able to say much about my labor. Even to this day, every now and then I will ask DH about certain things to see if I can piece it together. When did she latch on? How long did we wait to cut the cord? Who knows? Not me!

If you went into a birthing state, then your body and your mind were prepared to birth. Don't think like a doctor. We don't count our burps and intestinal waves to make sure digestion is happening. It's unassisted digestion! Right so the same thing can apply to other processes.

[1babysmom]

Originally Posted by carolhagan

In a unassisted birth, you ARE the only one who is responsible. You haven't given up any control, and I think that forces you to see things more subjectively. You may be surprised how clear your decision making is when you are actually the one who has to make the decisions.

This is how it is for me, too. As for the details, it's just my personality- I'd be the same way in an assisted birth. I LOVE comparing things from each birth, I love all the stats involved, I love to plan, I'm a perfectionist, etc. So it's not like I go out of my way to try to remember/stay on top of that stuff...it's just how I've always been. It's kind of annoying to me sometimes, honestly. Like I wish I could just stop thinking about numbers and stats and comparisons and just sit back and chill like everyone else for a few minutes.

[honey-lilac]

My MW-attended birth I was completely lost in laborland. Completely.

My UC, I was no less in Laborland, but I was also more aware of what DD was doing, where she was inside me, what she was doing. It was as if I could visualize her. I even had a moment of doubt in transition, the "I can't do this" and then I realized, consciously, "oops, must be transition, awesome, we're almost done." With my first birth I was just very floaty-floaty, moving around and rocking, but not really "thinking". With the UC I was still moving instinctually but much more present at the same time. Honestly my first birth was more.. "pleasant" and less painful, but I didn't have the same insights about how the baby was doing as the UC when I was completely responsible and more... analytical. It's very weird to be in Laborland and STILL analytical! It's really hard to describe but there was a very tangible difference. I think it was nice to have a mw "take over" the responsibility of analyzing for the first part and just give me permission to go off into googly land, but I nontheless prefer a UC, even if it's a bit more work (on my part).

[Lizbiz]

Originally Posted by carolhagan

In a unassisted birth, you ARE the only one who is responsible. You haven't given up any control, and I think that forces you to see things more subjectively. You may be surprised how clear your decision making is when you are actually the one who has to make the decisions.

Yes! This!

[lilmamabrown]

couldn't agree more with both zoebird and carolhagan.

my labor was clear for a long time. it got me out of bed at 8am. i had decided it was the real thing by 11am. i couldn't lie down or sit in the tub by 3pm. I started vocalizing at 6pm. I listened to hypnobabies and tried very hard not to be analytical. I started my trip to labor land when I moved in and out of transition for several hours due to a cervical lip. Like honey-lilac said I immediately recognized the "I'm going to die" feeling as transition and had the reaction of "yay! we're almost done!" instead of going with the thoughts transition was throwing at me. I decided to break my water to see if it would help finish dilation (it did!) and from there it got super fuzzy. I talked to my husband between each contraction... told him where things were in the house, told him what to check for when she started coming out, drilled him on what to do if this or if that but I don't remember any of it. He says I was off in labor land talking to baby while she was crowning but I don't remember that either. I do however remember all the physical parts of birth... how things felt, movements she made, what pushing felt like, holding her back when she was crowning, feeling each part of her body pass out of me and all the details in between.

I was definitly being labor.

[Jacksonmom]

I haven't been around here lately - so let me give you a snapshot of my birthing experiences - first labor was midwife in a hospital...nothing horrible...except that I had to push for 3 1/2 hours before getting an epidural to avoid a c-section.

Second baby - I went into the hospital at 10 cm b/c I knew I didn't want to labor on my back again and ended up being "talked into" an epidural by the nurses on staff in the middle of transition. Baby was completely posterior...

Third baby - induced in the hospital...because I was dilating 1cm per week and wouldn't "go into labor". Had her 3 hours later when I was forced into the bed by the on-duty nurse.

In each of those situations, I felt like everything was blurry...and I ended up not really knowing how we got to the end.

Fourth and Fifth were UC...births were different...one was water, once was 11 minutes long on the bathroom floor alone. I think that when most of us (UC'ers) choose to birth at home we mentally transfer the responsibility from the hospital staff...to ourselves. That in itself awakens things you wouldn't have noticed before. There's a lot to say about the transfer of responsibility. Just my 2¢.

[Jacksonmom]

haha...I hadn't read everyone else's responses yet...I know - bad internet manners - but I'm thinking the transfer of responsibility is a pretty common thing.