DS processing dog's death 3 months after the fact

[limabean]

Our sweet yellow lab died suddenly (she was only 6, and in perfect health) a few days before Christmas. DS was sad when it happened, but really only cried for a few moments and then moved on to something else, and whenever I've mentioned it over the last few months he'd just say, "Yeah, I really miss her," but not in a really emotional way.

I figured it just didn't affect him too much, but then last night the floodgates opened. We were reading a book (that had nothing to do with dogs) and all of a sudden his chin started to quiver and he cried, "I miss Molly!" and just started sobbing uncontrollably. I held him for a long time, and he said, "I can't even remember what she felt like. The only thing I can remember is that she was a really great dog."

He told the story of her death to the stuffed animals on his bed, then went and got more stuffed animals, again and again, until he had told the story 8 or 9 times, each time explaining what death meant. Then he lined up all his stuffed animals, told them the story of the rainbow bridge (we found it soon after Molly's death, and DS drew this picture of Molly crossing), got out his keyboard, and played it and sang a song all about Molly and the rainbow bridge. It was incredible, and just broke my heart that apparently all of this has been pent up in his little heart for 3 months and he didn't have a way to talk about it. I'm so glad he got it out -- I could tell it was cathartic for him.

Have your kids experienced loss? Did any of them exhibit this type of lag in processing?

[PrincessWinnie]

We lost our 10-year old bulldog, Sissy, suddenly in January. Well not suddenly, WE knew she was going downhill for some time but it was a morning in January when DH took her to the vet because she was acting strangely and we discovered she had a massive tumor in her abdomen and was actually suffering quite a bit and we opted to put her down that day. DS was in school that morning and I sat him down when he got home and explained things very gently to him. He cried a bit that day, but I think it took several weeks of him realizing she truly wasn't HERE anymore. About 6 weeks after the fact he starting crying at bedtime saying how much he missed Sissy and all dogs should be named Sissy, then asking some very serious questions about death. I think their attention spans are so short at this age that the fleeting thought of their beloved pet dying doesn't process with the intensity that it does for us. They start to think of it when they are playing in the yard and remembering the dog playing with them out there, or waking up to a wet nose and sloppy dog kiss each morning and then realizing that won't ever happen again.

[Tjej]

This isn't exactly the same, but our dog was attacked last spring. My DD was a young 3, and witnessed it all (my 1yo did too, actually). I have found that at random times (they seem random to me), DD will bring it up and talk about different aspects of it. We were really open talking about it when it happened, and I think for us it is that DD is maturing and developing thought processes, so as she ages she re-thinks the situation.

Tjej

[eepster]

For young children, death is a very abstract concept. First there is only minor sadness b/c though the child hears X has died and they have heard death is sad, it doesn't really have a meaning yet. Months later, when they realize they have not seen X in so long and they understand they won't get to see X again it very suddenly sinks in and "dead" actually means something. Once the concept of death takes form in the child's mind, the sadness hits full force.

It isn't really that they have kept the sadness pent up for month, it's jut that it took months for them to figure out why one would be sad over X dying.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by eepster

For young children, death is a very abstract concept. First there is only minor sadness b/c though the child hears X has died and they have heard death is sad, it doesn't really have a meaning yet. Months later, when they realize they have not seen X in so long and they understand they won't get to see X again it very suddenly sinks in and "dead" actually means something. Once the concept of death takes form in the child's mind, the sadness hits full force.

It isn't really that they have kept the sadness pent up for month, it's jut that it took months for them to figure out why one would be sad over X dying.

That makes sense. When he described her death to his animals, he was really focused on emphasizing that death meant we would never see her again, and every time he said that he started crying all over again.