I lost a good friend to suicide back in March of 2008 (March 12th). Actually I really loved him. He was my buddy. He was a very valuable person and we were closer than even people in his family know.
The really... *sigh*...awful this is that he contacted me on a "where are you now" website thing in the January and I never got the message - he said he missed me and that he would love to talk with me. We were thousands of miles apart then, and we were still thousands of miles apart when he hung himself on March 12th of 2008.
It's been two years and I'm still so...very sad about it. He was a good person. He would have made a good Dad. He was funny and curious and wonderfully entertaining, and like I said, so valuable. He had some problems with drugs and alcohol and I guess his friends simply thought he was having a good time.
Some of them still say "oh, same old Matty, I bet he's having a ball wherever he is," but he wasn't "having a ball" any time. He was deeply depressed. He took drugs and got drunk to try to get past that. He wasn't a happy guy, and every time I hear that attempt at comforting I get this real pain in my chest because he wasn't happy, he was sad - so sad that he took his own life, and none of us realized until he was dead.
He looked like James Dean - so handsome. He loved exploring the world. I'm still thousands of miles away from his grave, but I would desperately love to go to his grave and put some roses on it for him. I wish I could hug his lovely sister and his brother and his parents, because I know that his mother especially spent years worrying about him, and then everything she feared happened, and I am so full of sorrow for her.
Really I wish I could have done something better in the January. Because no matter how you look at it, I do feel I could have helped before it got to that stage. I wish I could have just had a conversation with him. I've been there - suicidal - in my teens. Talking does help. Reaching out should have helped. I should have checked my messages. I will always, always wish I had checked my messages on that otherwise completely useless site.
Perhaps heartbreak never fades. I don't think I'll ever stop being sad about it. He was really dear to me and I wish he was still alive.
Anyway that's it. I wanted to honor him somehow. Rest in peace, my good friend Matty.
The really... *sigh*...awful this is that he contacted me on a "where are you now" website thing in the January and I never got the message - he said he missed me and that he would love to talk with me. We were thousands of miles apart then, and we were still thousands of miles apart when he hung himself on March 12th of 2008.
It's been two years and I'm still so...very sad about it. He was a good person. He would have made a good Dad. He was funny and curious and wonderfully entertaining, and like I said, so valuable. He had some problems with drugs and alcohol and I guess his friends simply thought he was having a good time.
Some of them still say "oh, same old Matty, I bet he's having a ball wherever he is," but he wasn't "having a ball" any time. He was deeply depressed. He took drugs and got drunk to try to get past that. He wasn't a happy guy, and every time I hear that attempt at comforting I get this real pain in my chest because he wasn't happy, he was sad - so sad that he took his own life, and none of us realized until he was dead.
He looked like James Dean - so handsome. He loved exploring the world. I'm still thousands of miles away from his grave, but I would desperately love to go to his grave and put some roses on it for him. I wish I could hug his lovely sister and his brother and his parents, because I know that his mother especially spent years worrying about him, and then everything she feared happened, and I am so full of sorrow for her.
Really I wish I could have done something better in the January. Because no matter how you look at it, I do feel I could have helped before it got to that stage. I wish I could have just had a conversation with him. I've been there - suicidal - in my teens. Talking does help. Reaching out should have helped. I should have checked my messages. I will always, always wish I had checked my messages on that otherwise completely useless site.
Perhaps heartbreak never fades. I don't think I'll ever stop being sad about it. He was really dear to me and I wish he was still alive.
Anyway that's it. I wanted to honor him somehow. Rest in peace, my good friend Matty.
Life will never be the same without them. 
! Suicide leaves those left behind very empty. My brother shot himself in June of 2000. It has been almost 10 years. His birthday is on Sunday and my father brought up that his birthday was coming maybe assuming I didn't realize it. I always remember his birthday and the day we found out, but the pain does fade. It won't ever go away, of course, because you loved him but it isn't so raw. I know the anniversary was last month, but I still wanted to send you some healing 
