Home birth/due date encouragement needed please!

[heidibgg]

Maybe you guys can offer me some advice?

I am 40+5 according to my home birth midwife, but according to my hospital back up midwife I am 41+2. The back up midwife wanted to do an NST last Monday and I complied. Everything was fine but actually saw the other midwife in the practice and she wanted to do another one today. I tried to say I would rather come the following Monday, but she insisted. I called this morning and had to cancel anyway, but I am a little irked at their insistence. Why is there an assumption that my body isn't doing exactly what it's supposed to? Is it because I am 37?

This midwife also delivered my daughter a little over 3 years ago and I don't remember feeling that way with her, although I think she may have stripped my membranes without asking me. At the time, I had a 35 day cycle and after the early ultrasound, my due date was pushed back 6 days. My daughter was born at 41+3 (so 16 days past a 28 day cycle) This time I was tracking my cycle with an iPhone app and also had recorded sex. She said that sperm can't live past 3 days so put me on a 28 day cycle due date although my cycle at the time was 32 days. So that is the reason for the discrepancy in due dates.

My home birth midwife is not concerned. I wish I shared her confidence, because I trust her and think she is right. But I can't shake this feeling of being perceived as broken because deep down maybe I am worried that I am. If my membranes were stripped 3 years ago, which I believe happened, then I didn't go into labor on my own, and I got pitocin after pushing for 3 hours, so I didn't do that myself either. I have planned the home birth this time and really want it to go well and have trust in the process.

Anyone got any empowering stories/advice they want to share?

TIA!

[Chamsia]

Hi Mama. I am wishing you peace. I too have a longer (than 28 day) cycle. My dd was born at 42 weeks, but she still came out with vernix, so she likely wasn't so "late" after all.

I had a planned homebirth and had no ultrasounds or anything until 40+10, when my mw had me get an ultrasound and the nonstress test at the hospital. They wanted to induce, of course, but I trusted my midwives (and myself) and went home. (Babe did great on the ns test, but they were worried about low amniotic fluid. That was, in fact, because I hadn't drank water all morning, but the hospital folks wouldn't let me test again after drinking.)

My mw did strip my membranes, with my permission, a few days later after trying castor oil and what not. It never occurred to me to think of that as any sort of failure to go into labor naturally.

Anyway, though I thought it might interest you, my story is not my point at all. Here's the point:

Trust YOUR instincts: what your body and your baby are telling you.

I have many friends who have birthed in the hospital and at home. The common thing between all of them who had traumatic birth experiences is this: they listened to the caregivers even when it went against their own gut instincts. Usually it's the hospital births, where the hospital folks are crying emergency and the mama feels that her babe is just fine. But I do have one friend who was very concerned about meconium. Her (negligent) homebirth midwife had my friend wait all day then go to the MWs house, where she got sent to the hospital, and it was quite ugly from there. Thankfully mama and baby are fine, but there was a traumatic 10 days when that wasn't clear.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS--what your body and your baby are telling you.

Lots of women in their 40s have natural births at home with no problem, and at over 40 weeks.

Meditate/pray/listen. Your body and your baby will guide you.

Wishing you peace and a joyful, healthful ecstatic birth.

[alegna]

Listen to your inner voice. Dd (my 1st) was 41 weeks 2 days (32 day cycle) and ds was 43 weeks 5 days (28 day cycle) <shrug> I didn't do any NST or u/s with either. I refused to buy into the freak-out cycle. FWIW ds came out TOTALLY covered in vernix...

Babies come when ready.

-Angela

[heidibgg]

Thank you ladies so much for taking the time to respond! I don't think I can hear (read) this too much! I appreciate your words of encouragement. The truth of the matter is that I don't personally know anyone that has even gone a full 2 weeks past their due date. They are always induced. Also, I don't have any friends that have had a home birth. Wish I did.

[dannic]

My friend has had all her children (7!) at home--in spite of the fact that she is a tiny size 0 and has 10 # babes and goes three weeks over due to a very long cycle. Hang in there! You can do it!

I understand not having support IRL--there's not any of that IRL here either.

[Chamsia]

Hi! As I went to bed last night I realized that my earlier post could be inerpreted as "blaming the victim", since I said that my friends who had traumatic births all felt that they had listened to their caregivers over their own instincts.

What I meant is the mamas who have continued to feel traumatized by their experiences. There are other moms who had emergency situations which were certainly traumatic at the time, but who see later that what happened was indeed necessary and good for their baby and themselves.

The mamas who feel that they followed their own instincts and what their babes were telling them feel good about their experience, despite how the birth went. Hospital births, interventions, and cesereans are sometimes necessary, and I am thankful that they'll be available should I need them. What we all want to avoid is having what should be a normal healthy birth become an emergency because of someone else's bad decisions.

Wishing you peace and strength. The last baby delievered by my mw before my dd was 43 weeks+, weighed over 11 pounds, and was born without incident. The mama didn't even tear!

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND YOUR BABY and you will both flourish. Wishing you peace and support as you wait!

PS: I see nothing wrong with trying castor oil, cohash root, etc with your hb midwife's guidance. Even having her strip membranes if you're willing---that's what finally started my labor 14 days post edd. My mw asked me, and did it so lovingly and gently that I was surprised to hear how others were invaded and hurt by the process (though OF COURSE it is a huge invasion if you are not asked!!!) Again, wishing you all the best. Baby will be here soon!!!

[heidibgg]

Originally Posted by Chamsia

PS: I see nothing wrong with trying castor oil, cohash root, etc with your hb midwife's guidance. Even having her strip membranes if you're willing---that's what finally started my labor 14 days post edd. My mw asked me, and did it so lovingly and gently that I was surprised to hear how others were invaded and hurt by the process (though OF COURSE it is a huge invasion if you are not asked!!!) Again, wishing you all the best. Baby will be here soon!!!

My hb midwife did explain to me that they do a cervical massage which is much more gentle than what is usually done in an office. She also said that they do herbs, castor oil, and recommend nipple stim when necessary. I really do believe I am in good hands, but since this is unchartered territory for me, I can't help but be nervous.

Home birth is not widely accepted here so there are some issues there as well. Like I don't think my back up midwife takes it very seriously. Most people don't even tell their back ups what they are doing and just don't show up at the end. I couldn't do that, so I was up front and now seem to be in a strange place. I just need to find my confidence and courage to stick to my guns! I had hoped to continue to see the hospital midwife for well woman care, so I have been worried about pissing her off. I need to get over that.

Btw, I didn't think read anything in your initial message as blaming the victim

Dannic - Wow! That's inspiring!

[pualum]

My ds was just born at home 3 weeks ago. He was 41 weeks 3 days. I'm 33 and he is my 2nd.

Like alegna, he still had vernix. I know exactly when he was conceived so it wasn't a miscalculation.

[cathicog]

If you have the midwife(hb) that I think you do, she is awesome, and you are in good hands. ITA with the pps, about listening to your baby,and body. Your body knows just what to do, when...especially since you know how long your cycles are, I should think that would stretch the date timeframe some... Quite a number of women here have hbs over age 40, and they do just fine, so age has nothing to do with it...many of them are on thier 7th or more child, too. They do just fine. I would relax and enjoy the rest of this pg, even if it takes another week or so!

[heidibgg]

Originally Posted by cathicog

If you have the midwife(hb) that I think you do, she is awesome, and you are in good hands. ITA with the pps, about listening to your baby,and body. Your body knows just what to do, when...especially since you know how long your cycles are, I should think that would stretch the date timeframe some... Quite a number of women here have hbs over age 40, and they do just fine, so age has nothing to do with it...many of them are on thier 7th or more child, too. They do just fine. I would relax and enjoy the rest of this pg, even if it takes another week or so!

Seeing where you are located, you just might know who my midwife(s) are!

Well, I lost my cervical plug this morning and have been having contractions on and off throughout the day! Hopefully, they will pick up after my daughter goes to sleep tonight. Can't wait to meet my baby!

Thanks again ladies!

[BlackSheepPDX]

Don't worry mama, you're right on schedule. My DD was born at 41w5d (based on LMP date, but 31 day cycles). Came out looking juuuuust fine. Not overcooked a bit, and 8lb 6oz, just like her mama and daddy.

Sounds like your body is getting ready to go, and all you have to do is relax and trust it. Good luck!

[Viola]

Originally Posted by heidibgg

She said that sperm can't live past 3 days so put me on a 28 day cycle due date although my cycle at the time was 32 days. So that is the reason for the discrepancy in due dates.

Wow, she said that? Maybe it's not as likely for sperm to survive past 3 days, but I've read that sperm can live up to a week.

[Chamsia]

Best wishes hedidibgg!