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[ScootchsMom]

Nothing wrong, just deleting for privacy.

Thanks.

[Theia]

I couldn't read and not reply. There are many ways to get out. There are many resources available that you probably don't know about. Feel free to search for previous posts of mine about leaving, especially in Single Parenting. I was homeless with DD for most of last year and only receiving TANF and FS. Living in the shelter was better than the life I was leaving.

Also, go see an attorney, even though you are not legally married, you might be entitled to more than you think. And if you can't afford one after you leave your partner you will likely qualify for Legal Aid.

[lucysmom]

Sweetie, that's not living, it's serving a sentence.

My life was similar in some key ways until we split up three years ago. From the other side, let me tell you -- it is essential to get out & retrieve the essence of who you are. The false narrative of how you aren't doing enough; the resentment at you taking care of yourself -- those are so corrosive to your spirit. I didn't experience the additional powerlessness of having our property not be in my name, but that just adds to the unacceptable situation. I'm sure you think about this, but it isn't good for kids to see their mom treated like that, or putting up with that.

I hear that there are some daunting logistics to face in leaving. But you WILL be able to figure those out as you go. If you have had the inner tenacity to survive the environment you're describing, hang onto your sanity, & insulate your kids from the worst of the dysfunction, you are a highly capable and resourceful person. You can apply those same strengths to figuring out how to make it independent of your kids' dad, and it may not be easy or perfect at first, but it won't be as grim as what you are contending with now.

I agree with the PP that it is likely that you are entitled to more in the way of support & property than you believe. Formal marriage is not the be-all and end-all of the analysis in most states.

Big, big hugs. Please participate in your own emancipation. You deserve a different life than that.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I have heard of palimony. If you have lived together for the better part of 5 years as a couple, I bet you are entitled to more then you think.

And I have a feeling your health issues (rash) are stress related. Cuz let me tell you, if I lived with a HITLER-type, I would probably have had a breakdown by now.

Sorry, that was prolly a UAV, but I am very mad for the OP right now. Her living situation is abusive, unfair, disrespectful, and she deserves way more then this.

[MittensKittens]

I agree with PP - you are in a very abusive situation. When you are ready to get out, there are many ways, and it sounds like you are reaching your breaking point. It must be so scary knowing that you want out, but not knowing how you will be able to survive afterwards. It sounds like a good idea to finish your associates first, and speak to a lawyer whenever you see an opportunity. I don't live in the US, but there are so many knowledgeable mamas here who can direct you to the resources available.

[ScootchsMom]

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[ExOfficia]

I'm really, really glad to see you are being proactive. Can you squirrel away some money (cash, not a checking account) somewhere safe? Just because you can never tell exactly when you might have to leave, and it is good to have immediate access to some money.

And every step you take like this will make you feel a bit more in control, and like you are doing something for your future, as hard as the immediate future might look.

[Freedom~Mama]

You are being very strong and brave. I wish you luck.

[Theia]

Good for you. I am glad you are being proactive too. ITA on the extra cash thing. Especially since it will likely take a while to get child support established. It is scary, especially in the beginning. I think I was scared the whole time then. But it does get much better, and faster than you probably think it could.

Also, get a legal consult as soon as you can. And find some type of proof that you have been doing this work for however long that you can show. You will need to prove that you were more than a SAHM since you were an active partner in his business.

s

[ScootchsMom]

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[ScootchsMom]

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[lilyka]

You sound like you are taking the bull by the horns. GOOD FOR YOU!!!

Just rememebr:
you are not a bad person.
you are not lazy.
you are not stupid.

Those are HIS lies. Don't believe them.