What's a reasonable expectation?

[hrsmom]

Hi- I'm just wondering what is a reasonable expectation for a 23-month old and playing quietly by herself. Since my dd does not do that at all, I was just wondering if this is typical? Does the cling monster (I call her a monkey, not a monster!) stage last to age two and beyond?

[MamaPhD]

I have a 16 mo DD and she can entertain herself for at least 30 minutes. If I'm cooking in the kitchen, she will roam around the house and visit her playroom, play with stuffed animals, read books, walk around, play peekaboo with me around the hallway, go on her way, etc. If I let her, I think she will probably be OK for 1-2 hours. But normally, I always play with her before it gets that long!

[Anandamama]

There is a huge variation in a toddler's ability and desire to play solo. My daughter has been more like yours, hrsmom, and I've envied those with children who like to play on their own for an hour or more. My daughter is just very social and yes, attached to her mama. Now she's 3 and playing a lot more on her own in short bursts of 20 or 30 min. It's happened naturally and gradually. I don't think there are any 'set' expectations but if you want your child to be more independent in that way it might help to provide some new, fun activity for her to do (set her on the floor with a bunch of paper bags and crayons, or whatever might interest her). Express appreciation for her playing on her own "Look at you... you played so happily there for a long time this morning... all on your own!"
And perhaps also cultivate an attitude in yourself that she doesn't need to be entertained or accompanied all the time. I have a feeling this may be one reason why our daughter didn't play by herself much - I think we had an unconscious thing going of "Oh, we don't want her to be lonely/bored", and didn't encourage her to do things by herself as much as we could have.

[kirstenb]

DS1 will be three in May and still likes to follow me around. He can play in short burts by himself, but if I leave the room he will almost always follow me. He is in daycare and always plays by himeself or with his friends there, so I assume that once he is home he likes to be by me.

[GwendalynsMommy]

It's so child specific. My oldest was over 3 before she would really play by herself at all. My youngest is 18 months now and has happily played by herself for up to 2 hours since she was just past a year. I think you just have to look at what your child's temperament is.

[Neera]

mine is 37 months and i haven't had a single day without her following me around like every 15-20 mins unless she is watching a dvd that lasts 30 mins or a recorded show she likes. but, i blame it on us not living in a house and having a backyard. we live in an apt. she really doesn't have much space to move and burn energy and ends up clinging to me.

[hrsmom]

Thanks for the responses! It's helpful to read from other moms experiencing the same thing.

I was able to hang all the laundry today- she has a new broom so she swept the patio the whole time! Then when I was done, she wanted me to sweet with her. (I'm going to hang a line her height and let her hang some laundry, too, one of these days!!)

[sapphire_chan]

It also helped me (a tiny bit) to realize that when she's sitting back in her car seat, she's playing alone. So I know she *can* she just doesn't want to.

[gagin37]

ds is 19 months and spends a lot of time playing on his own, probably several hours a day. sometimes quietly, something not He's been this way for a while actually. He seems to be a pretty independent little man, quiet and curious. Sometimes I even feel a little guilty that I don't play with him more, but he seeks me out when he needs me and I always try to meet his needs in the moment, so as long as he is happy, I try not to worry about it.

[blizzard_babe]

DS (22.5mos) will play quietly on his own... in fact he's doing it right now. BUT, it's on his terms, not ours. It's not like we can tell him to go play when we want to get something done or need some "space."

[summerforever1977]

I think she'll do it when she is ready. I had a total cling-on mama's boy until literally the last few weeks when my 26 month old has started imagination-play and enjoys playing with his toys by himself instead of watching us play with the toys and entertaining him. He did this in his own time even though I would try to get him to play independantly before (since other kids his age could) which made me learn the lesson that each child will do this in their own time.

[mamadelbosque]

DS1 will happily play on his own for a solid hour or two and has for probably a year now (just turned 3). IDK if thats just his personality or the fact that I've been conciously letting him play by himself for a while now - if he doesn't ask for me to play with him, I rarely invite myself.

[HappyFox05]

DD 1 - almost 28 months - has almost no interest in playing by herself. I think she thinks, "Mommy's available (that is-alive), so I can play with her!"