Am I "being a martyr?"

[lemontree]

I am a member of an email chain type thing with a bunch of local mamas. I joined because I am trying to find community and support. Everyone has been talking about sleep and when I said that I am fine with our little groove (co sleep with my 5 month old who nurses many times at night - prob every 2 hours - but I sleep through it for the most part - and he's quick--I only totally wake up once or twice a night a few times a week.) I got this response:
"You are being a martyr momma! He can sleep more than that-my ped told us our baby was ready when she was 4 months old. Be strong and STOP GIVING HIM MILK! Trust me, you will be sorry later!"

??? Wha? He was so high needs in the beginning that I was sooooo exhausted at night I would always offer boob in the night when he looked. It seems counterintuitive to wait for him to cry? I like to sleep as much as possible! Why would I stop giving him milk? Will I be sorry later? Why?

[alegna]

Eh... maybe they're being the martyrs by suffering through "sleep training"?

-Angela

[Equuskia]

At four months I would assume he's getting hungry at night. Heck, I get hungry at night. But I have the option of going to the fridge and getting a snack. The only thing a baby can do is cry.

[lemontree]

I just don't know why "I'll be sorry" in her mind
?

...and I find it kind of ominous, to be honest.

[mamazee]

It's also how babies satisfy thirst. I know I keep water on the bedside table because I get thirsty at night.

I don't regret waking up to nurse my 8-year-old when she was a baby, and I don't regret waking up to nurse my toddler if she wants to nurse at night.

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

I don't understand why you'd be sorry either either i think leaveing a baby to cry would be worse, just because a dr says a baby doesn't "need" night feeds not everyone is the same some babies even some adults as a pp has pointed out do get hungry at night but unlike an adult a baby depends on you for this i still feed my ds caden during the night and still get enough sleep do what works for you after all from what i'm getting from your post it's them not you being sleep deprived by trying to "train" their babies to sleep more at night.

[Abraisme]

It sounds like you need a different group of friends. If there isn't already one in your area you could try to start up an attachment parenting group. My friends and I have been really successful at starting our own group, with people that support our philosophy. We posted here on Mothering, on Craigslist and by word of mouth. We went from 2 of us to nearly 10 families within 6 months.

[texaspeach]

if what you're doing works for you then don't worry about it. if it stops working for you, you can make changes then.

the you'll be sorry is probably because that person isn't comfortable with ap - some people think that you'll never get the baby out of your bed if you cosleep, and that you are setting up 'bad habits' by nursing to sleep/at night. some people think that children will never sttn unless they are 'trained'. I don't agree with that line of thinking, but it seems pretty common in the non-ap world.

[Steph152]

Yeah, what texaspeach said.

I've gotten the same sort of "You'll be sorry!" warnings. I am confident that I'll never be sorry for teaching my son that his needs matter to me and that I will be there to soothe and care for him whether or not it's convenient. In the short term, AP is more labor intensive than other styles of parenting, but it is worth the investment. Trust your gut, and don't let these people get to you. You certainly do not need advice on how to change something that is working for your family.

[boobs4milk]

i've got older ap kids. i'm not sorry that i let my kids know that their needs and feelings count. my non-ap sister is having all sorts of grief with her teens. they lie, steal, cheat, do drugs, sneak around. my kids talk to me, confide their wishes, dreams, fears and include me in their lives. i am sorry...that more people don't ap and that their kids don't know the closeness that my kids feel.

[Anna's Lovey]

You won't be "sorry" you night-nursed your four-month-old!
I night-nursed my lo until she was 20 months and I don't regret it at all.
What really helped me feel more confident about my choice was reading Dr. Sears. He has some really good books out and a really informative website that supports night-parenting.
Good luck to you.
They do begin to sleep for longer stretches of time on their own.

[bandgeek]

Yeah my kid is 5 years old and I certainly don't regret one minute I spent nursing him. They grow up too fast! Do what you are doing if it's working and don't worry about what other people say. Too many people think neglecting their hunger cries and sleep-training is the answer, but THEY are the ones who do not understand how the whole process works, not you.

I'd be tempted to send a sickeningly sweet response back about loving your babe so much you could never do that.

[octobermom]

boo on them do what feels right mama. Nursing through the night is perfectly normal. Sure if your ready for your LO to go a ittle longer you could likely gently try a little at a time but to assume it jus will magically happen and that 4 months is some enchanted time... BLAH!

Deanna

[calebsmommy25]

He is only 5 months! Goodness, he probably is hungry and/or thirsty when he wakes up. I have fed my now almost 2 year old on demand his whole life, day or night and am not sorry for it. You do what is right for you and your family Mama, and unsubscribe to your other email chain. I was part of a mainstream board and had to unsubscribe. As much as I did enjoy some of it, there were some comments and views that were so damaging and contrary to the way I choose to live my life, I just had to stop it. You need some good wholesome support. Stick to MDC and you'll be good!!!

[teachma]

Originally Posted by lemontree

I just don't know why "I'll be sorry" in her mind
?

...and I find it kind of ominous, to be honest.

Well, if it helps you at all-- I have done nighttime parenting this way all three times, and I have not yet been sorry with the outcome. My nine year old is an excellent sleeper, as is my nearly six year old daughter (though awake by 5 am daily, she seems to only need abt 9 hrs of sleep a night). I don't know what you're eventually supposed to be sorry about...but I've no regrets!

[akat]

My 5yo exhausted us as a baby, but now sleeps all the way through the night every night, has for a long time...you won't wreck him or yourself by taking care of him.

[zinemama]

You sleep through the night nursings? That makes you fantastically lucky, not a martyr.

If your kid nursed every two hours at night and you woke up every damn time and resented it, yet went along because CIO was the alternative....well, then you might claim the martyr mantle.

You, however, do not qualify!

[JayJay]

Ah, I'm with Jen - I mean c'mon people, you're being attached to your children! There's nothing - NOTHING wrong with what you're doing. I mean if mainstream parenting were so darn right, why is it that many of us live in a country riddled with drugs, school shootings and general petty materialism devoid of proper human interaction? Hmmmm?

I nurse Bella at night and plan to continue for however long... Usually I just kinda laugh when people come out with that kind of thing, and in the back of my mind wonder how they think they're any better when quite often, their families show signs of serious neglect and their kids are not telling them the truth about stuff. The whole point, to me, of this style of parenting I am trying to do is to help Bella grow up a loving, non-materialistic, smart, confident young lady!

So there. Follow your mama instincts NOT to neglect your child. My mind boggles sometimes at those who kind of "pop 'em out" and then try to treat them like dumb little lumps - babies are not dumb: they're perfectly intelligent little human beings who know exactly what they need - we're the ones who ought to be listening to them - not the other way around!

[Right of Passage]

As a mama that has nursed through the night all night every night with my first I'll ask you this, if it works for you why change it?

I was NOT sorry that I got to sleep through the night, I was not sorry that my chunky boy got what he needed when he needed it at all times. I'm still not sorry about any of it. I just had my 3rd baby and we've done it the same every time. Do what works for you and baby, that's what matters.

[Mirrormonkey]

I am cranky today after being up all night with my 7 week old and nursing him whenever he needed to nurse. I will be cranky tomorrow probably after the same routine and I will possibly be cranky next year after nursing my 1 yr old through the night if he needs it. At least I don't have to get out of bed though because he sleeps with us too, or will I be sorry for that as well???

Put those women on ignore.