Am I "being a martyr?" - Page 2

[Novus]

I got the "You'll be sorry" stuff from people too, usually from the same people who told me that I *had* to let him CIO at 4 months or he would *never* learn to fall asleep on his own. Um...he's 10 months old now and he can fall asleep on his own (as long as I'm within view). And he goes 4-6 hours between nursings at night. Granted, it's not the 12 hour stretches that some of the same "You'll be sorry" moms are getting, but *I* can't even go that long without eating or drinking anything, so why would I expect it of my not-yet-1-year-old?

I'm with the PPs who said do what works for your family.

[lalemma]

If possible, I would advise not relying on the opinions of others to feel okay about your parenting choices. That way lies madness!

[4myfinn]

Originally Posted by Steph152

I am confident that I'll never be sorry for teaching my son that his needs matter to me and that I will be there to soothe and care for him whether or not it's convenient. In the short term, AP is more labor intensive than other styles of parenting, but it is worth the investment. Trust your gut, and don't let these people get to you. You certainly do not need advice on how to change something that is working for your family.

This. Exactly.

[sunshine1793]

I think you're doing the right thing, and I don't think you'll be sorry later - I think you will be so happy later. They are the ones who will probably be sorry. I agree w/ a pp poster: put them on ignore. Be nice and friendly if you still wish be aquaintences, but some things don't need to be said if it is a contentious issue. On the other hand, you can just be clear that you are happy with what you are doing, that you will not deny your baby milk when he needs it, and you will not allow your baby to cry himself to sleep in that way. They many not be the best group of people for support...

For what it's worth, I nursed my daughter until she self-weaned about 2 and a half, and I nursed her throughout the night and around the clock, and it was the best thing for us. She is a great sleeper, and a delightful, happy child. She has no attachment issues at all - she is affectionate and happy with us, but loves to be with others and doesn't mind if we aren't there. She has no trouble sleeping by herself or playing by herself.

Hold to your instincts and ideals.

[Pookietooth]

I would say that the person has either been misled or is lying to themselves, because no responsible pediatrician would say that a 4 month old baby doesn't need to nurse at night. There is a lot of misinformation out there. I didn't night wean my ds until he was almost 4 and he's fine, sleeps really deeply and is hard to wake (though he does still sleep with me). I notice my downstairs neighbors still cosleep with their six and ten year olds (they are from another country where this is the norm).

[summerforever1977]

I nursed my son until he was almost two years old at night whenever he wanted. I weaned him because my milk dried up and I was pregnant and being pacifier was excruciating. However, by that age when DS could ask me for water when he awoke thristy, and he does ask for water at least a couple of nights a week so maybe your babe is thirsty, maybe hungry, who knows? The important thing is that you are meeting his needs and one day he will sleep without your boob. Stay strong and look for like-minded women on MDC in the find your tribe forum.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by zinemama

You sleep through the night nursings? That makes you fantastically lucky, not a martyr.

If your kid nursed every two hours at night and you woke up every damn time and resented it, yet went along because CIO was the alternative....well, then you might claim the martyr mantle.

You, however, do not qualify!

Love on the night nursings as much as possible! My baby is 14mo right now and whenever he nurses himself back to sleep at night I just can't get over how cute he looks sleeping next to me. He's waking me up less and less frequently now, so I say love it while you can!! Time flies, and he won't be nursing this often for much longer!

[Harmony96]

I had sort of a different situation w/ DD but I could have gotten similar comments, I'm sure. She actually started sleeping through the night at just 3 weeks old. Surprised me b/c I was expecting multiple night wakings for MONTHS since she was exclusively BF'd and everything.

Anyway, right at 7 months, she started waking up once/night again to nurse. People could have said things like, she doesn't "need" that nursing and just stick a paci in her and she'll go back to sleep and STTN again like she's supposed to. But I didn't let on that she was night-waking, lol. I just went along with it and took the 5 minutes/night to nurse her and lay her back down.

Then at 10 months... the wakings stopped just as suddenly as they started, and she's been STTN ever since then, with no additional effort or training or anything on my part. So while I'm glad that she started sleeping again, I'm not sorry for waking up. So what if she had been STTN before then. She NEEDED me for those few months and I'm glad I was able to give her what she needed.

[Just1More]

Heh.

We're on baby #3, and I can now see how CIO works. And the whole "they don't have to eat all night" thing. But it's totally her personality.

My first two were so high needs it would have been traumatic for all of us to try that. Oh, and FTR, we didn't do it with dc3 either. Why? She was SO easy compared to the last two, we actually got to enjoy having her in bed with us and nursing half the night.

[NiteNicole]

I do think babies often wake for legit hunger reasons at that age. I also think they sometimes stir around a little bit, trying to get comfortable and back to sleep. I DO regret offering a feeding each time my daughter made any noise instead of waiting to see if she was just getting comfortable or actually looking to be fed. I regret it A LOT. I think much of the time, she was only slightly awake and trying to get resettled, NOT looking for food. I took away any chance she had of working out how to resettle herself because I jumped in trying to feed her before she woke up all the way. As a result, she was nearly three when she finally started sleeping through (and resettling herself with a little help from me). I am certain that around that age she started working on resettling herself but I was so tired and so afraid of her fully waking herself, I was too quick to jump in without waiting to see if she could do it herself.

I would NEVER have been able to let her cry, but I notice that even now when she is resettling herself at night (she's four), she's FUSSY. She is cranky and wants to be asleep. She's not crying or anything, but she is grumbling. I think I sometimes should've given her the chance to grumble and scootch around and get herself to sleep instead of swooping in and disrupting her process.

So that's my regret. Should I have another one, it's something I will do differently. But good grief, just because a baby won't starve without a feeding doesn't mean they don't get hungry! I would think most four and five month olds are still hungry at night at least once or twice!

[Critty]

Wow, your friends would think I was a total lunatic feeding my 10 month old at midnight! But her little tummy is growling, she still needs it. Do what is right for YOUR child and you won't be sorry

[Harmony96]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I DO regret offering a feeding each time my daughter made any noise instead of waiting to see if she was just getting comfortable or actually looking to be fed. I regret it A LOT. I think much of the time, she was only slightly awake and trying to get resettled, NOT looking for food. I took away any chance she had of working out how to resettle herself because I jumped in trying to feed her before she woke up all the way.

With DD, I would let her have up to five "fusses" (noises, a little one-second-long cry or whatever) before I would actually go in and feed her. And sometimes, she'd get quiet again after fuss 2 or 3.

[Just1More]

Here ya go...

If you don't feed your baby at night and cuddle them as MUCH as you can while they are small, you are SO going to regret it when you are old.

So there...now you are hearing that you'll regret it if you do, and regret it if you don't. So, you'll just have to do what's right for you, since everyone says different things. And tell your friends so.

[Norasmomma]

When I think of a martyr mama I honestly think of a mom who complains about being the only one who can do anything for the baby, I've seen and heard those moms, usually it's because they are too anal to let dad(or anyone) help(and in reality enjoy being frazzled and on the brink). This is not that type of situation, it sounds like you are doing what a good mama of a 5 month old should be doing attending to the needs of her child. Skip this chain e-mail group, they sound lame.

[StrawberryFields]

Originally Posted by lemontree

I just don't know why "I'll be sorry" in her mind
?

...and I find it kind of ominous, to be honest.

Me, either. I nursed my older two at night until they were about 1 1/2... I was never sorry. Now that they are 2 and 4 and sleeping in their own room, I am thankful for the time we had. Thankful for every sweet, quiet moment spent nursing my tiny babies in the night--just the two of us, half asleep. Why would we be SORRY about that?!