He moved out just over a month ago, even though he told me back in November that he was leaving me for another woman. Typical boring midlife crisis stuff. Living with him was hell, but I felt backed into it because of the kids and timing and birthdays and blahblahblah.
When he first moved out, I was SO happy, almost gleeful. I felt optimistic about my future, that somehow this would all work out down the road.
Now I feel like the honeymoon is over, and not only is it over, but it was all an illusion. I have no reason to be optimistic. The way he has been behaving makes me wonder if he is a sociopath, if he has any empathy at all. Thing is, I think he *wants* to be the kind of guy who does the right thing but mostly because he can't bear being seen as anything else. I don't think he really cares otherwise.
An example of this- we told the kids on Feb 8. Since then, he has been out of the city 2 of those 6 weeks and not seen the kids at all now for almost a week. He was out of town on business (with his lover, of course) for two of those weeks, and this past week was March Break. I'd asked to have the kids for the week, so that we could visit my mother out of town. We got home yesterday. Anyhow, I'd asked him more than a week ago if he wanted to see the kids this weekend (even though it's my weekend), because otherwise they would go a full 8 days without seeing him, as his next scheduled day isn't until Tuesday. He said he'd get back to me. He did, two days ago, and told me he couldn't see them because he'd made plans to go out of town. His girlfriend lives out of town, and that's where he is.
What irks me is that he didn't have the courage to be up front from the moment I asked- he knew he was going to go see her and he admitted that later. But what irks me the most is that he's making it clear to me what his priorities are- and his kids aren't on top.
This trumps all of the other lousy feelings I'd been having...as if the rejection and lies weren't bad enough. I can't make him actually want to be with his children. I can't make him put them first.
In all fairness I have to say he has been really good financially so far. We don't yet have a separation agreement (I have to get my financial statement in to my lawyer) and I do want one a.s.a.p. I have been a SAHM for 10 years and I think he is terrified I will ask for spousal support. I don't want to ask him for anything the law does not entitle me to, but I'm not yet at the point where I know exactly what this is.
I wonder if his generosity with money is some sort of psychological pay off for the fact that what he really wants is to be free to cavort around with his girlfriend.
Tell me mamas if I am being unreasonable here. I feel beside myself with sadness and grief and maybe I need a good hard reality check. Or did I actually choose to marry and have kids with a sociopath?
When he first moved out, I was SO happy, almost gleeful. I felt optimistic about my future, that somehow this would all work out down the road.
Now I feel like the honeymoon is over, and not only is it over, but it was all an illusion. I have no reason to be optimistic. The way he has been behaving makes me wonder if he is a sociopath, if he has any empathy at all. Thing is, I think he *wants* to be the kind of guy who does the right thing but mostly because he can't bear being seen as anything else. I don't think he really cares otherwise.
An example of this- we told the kids on Feb 8. Since then, he has been out of the city 2 of those 6 weeks and not seen the kids at all now for almost a week. He was out of town on business (with his lover, of course) for two of those weeks, and this past week was March Break. I'd asked to have the kids for the week, so that we could visit my mother out of town. We got home yesterday. Anyhow, I'd asked him more than a week ago if he wanted to see the kids this weekend (even though it's my weekend), because otherwise they would go a full 8 days without seeing him, as his next scheduled day isn't until Tuesday. He said he'd get back to me. He did, two days ago, and told me he couldn't see them because he'd made plans to go out of town. His girlfriend lives out of town, and that's where he is.
What irks me is that he didn't have the courage to be up front from the moment I asked- he knew he was going to go see her and he admitted that later. But what irks me the most is that he's making it clear to me what his priorities are- and his kids aren't on top.
This trumps all of the other lousy feelings I'd been having...as if the rejection and lies weren't bad enough. I can't make him actually want to be with his children. I can't make him put them first.
In all fairness I have to say he has been really good financially so far. We don't yet have a separation agreement (I have to get my financial statement in to my lawyer) and I do want one a.s.a.p. I have been a SAHM for 10 years and I think he is terrified I will ask for spousal support. I don't want to ask him for anything the law does not entitle me to, but I'm not yet at the point where I know exactly what this is.
I wonder if his generosity with money is some sort of psychological pay off for the fact that what he really wants is to be free to cavort around with his girlfriend.
Tell me mamas if I am being unreasonable here. I feel beside myself with sadness and grief and maybe I need a good hard reality check. Or did I actually choose to marry and have kids with a sociopath?
