How do you get a toddler in a car seat?

[intunement]

My son has ALWAYS hated the car seat. From the time he was a newborn, until now at 23 months, we have struggled to get him into a car seat. We've tried nursing, dancing, walking, playing, distracting, games, special toys, talking with him, explaining, turning on the overhead light, etc. Sometimes, it just seems like nothing works and on times like tonight, we just want to go home from the grocery store one way or another - so we resort to physical force. I feel terrible to do that and I know there must be a better way, but I can't figure it out. I find myself feeling angry and frustrated and I wonder how long can this go on? When he was a newborn, I assumed he would grow to accept car seats, and he does accept them more now than he did then, but he still fights them more often then not. Does anyone have any suggestions? We find ourselves limiting how often we take him out of the house because we dread putting him in the car seat.

[lifeguard]

I just matter of factly tell him we are going to go in the car. I talk gently & soothingly & tell him I understand he doesn't want to go in the seat but we have to. It's not up for discussion. Yes, I do sometimes have to physically hold him in (when he tries to push his hips up into a bridge with just his feet & shoulders touching I scoop under his knees & then quickly settle him & hold his hips down). Once he's strapped in I give him kisses & again tell him I know he would rather not be in the seat but we'll only be "however many minutes" & then he can do x, y or z.

I hate having to be physical with him but getting in the car is not up for discussion. We have never changed our minds once we've started to get in the car & I think that helps that he knows it is going to happen. Usually the fussing only lasts a few minutes & then he settles although we have had trips where he's screamed the entire time.

[alegna]

in no particular order:

special in-car only toys
snacks
music
emphasizing where we're going
silly songs
allowing a couple of minutes to settle

[mnm4242]

emphasizing where we're going usually works for me eventually.

[spmamma]

We went through a period with DD of having to force her into her seat. One thing that eventually helped was that she figured out that she could help buckle herself in. Once we gave her that job (just the top part of the 5-point harness), things got a lot easier.

That being said, every once in a while at 2.5 years old, she'll put up a fight and we quickly wedge her into the seat. It only takes a few moments and she's fine right afterward. Anything else just prolongs the whining, kicking, bucking, etc.

[TheGirls]

Mine really likes putting her own arms into the straps. She can't really manage the buckles yet, but puts her own arms under the harness just fine. Also, I have some favorite books that are car-only and I always show her them, then put them on the ledge in front of the rear windshield (where she can see them while being buckled in) and tell her she can have them as soon as she is buckled. Then I buckle her in and give her the toy.

Sometimes she does fight it, even with that, and I do have to force her though. I don't love doing it, but it is what it is, you know?

I'm thinking of putting some kind of sticker or decal on the rear windshield, I think she would like that...

[NJKim]

With my 22 month old, we've recently starting letting him climb in himself and do the buckles like a "big boy". I think it's already losing it's appeal though So then it's just back to the normal alligator wrestling match as he twists and turns and arches his back not to get in the seat. I've now started saying "do you want to do it yourself or do you want mommy to have to wrestle you in?" and he usually says "No, Brayden do it!"

If he's tired or hungry, it's always a fight so I make sure he's nursed and is well-fed and also has a snack for the ride, that seems to help.

[LCBMAX]

I'll allow one refusal, during which we can spend not more than 5 minutes exploring the parking lot or whatever. Then, as a pp said, firm quiet gentle non-negotiable conversation about the fact that we are getting in now, what we might see on the way, where we're going, and a silly song to distract, and no matter what, no giving in on my part if I've said we really are going now. When we went through this phase, the worst for me was not being able to get home from daycare in time for nap, and that was solved by his adoration of fruit leather. To this day, fruit leather is ONLY for daycare pickups, and ONLY when he's all buckled in.

Does any of this help, or is your toddler resistant to everything?

[Encinalien]

Uh, huh. Bribery works. I bring any old toy I think he might like and reveal it on the way to the car. I tell him, you can have it but you have to get your seat belt on first. Get in your chair.
Sometimes it doesn't work if we've already been out all day and he's just tired of the car already.

[_betsy_]

We resorted to bribery. Snacks, in particular. It was a rough 6 weeks or so for us that DD1 really fought the car seat, but once we made it past that stretch, she's been getting in without a fight. I mean, the usual 3.5 year old dawdling, yes, but fighting the car seat, no.

Since it's all the time, have you checked the seat to make sure it's comfortable? No velcro sticking him, or something jabbing him or rubbing the wrong way? The straps need to be tight, of course, but are they too tight? Is he forward facing or rear facing? Are you sure he's in a properly-fighting seat? Have you asked him what he doesn't like about the car seat? Does the motion make him nauseated?

[simple life]

I used to make a game of it, kind of. Paul thought it was funny most times, so to him it was a game. I hope I can discribe this well.

I'd pick him up and hold him like you do a tiny baby, with his head/back on one arm (my left) and his legs hanging over the other, kind of with his knees hooked on my arm. Then I'd kind of fold him, or bring my arms together so his knees where almost at his chest. After that I'd sit his bottom right in the carseat where it was suppose to go, then I'd quickly move my left hand from behind him and put it on his middle (gotta keep that bottom where it goes!) and quickly at least get the chest clip done, or one clip into the buckle part. Sometimes I had to use a little more weight with the hand holding him in, but he generally thought it was a game!

Now, make sure the door is already open and the buckles all ready to go and clear so you can move very fast! Sometimes I STILL have to do this to him if he's in a mood. Usually I can get him laughing though. Sometimes he'd be so po'ed that it took a LOT of effort to get him to bend at the waist, tickling works to get them to bend, and usually can end the fight long enough to get them buckled in. At least for us.

Of course, my son didn't hate the car seat, he just didn't want to go home!

Julie

[Just1More]

Is he rear-facing?

Does he feel carsick? Many of the persistently fussy ones do. Not sure what to do about it, and I don't advise turning him, but...maybe it's something to look into. ETA-whether or not he's carsick and what to do about it, NOT whether or not to turn him...

Is he lonely?

[bobandjess99]

Could it be the actual carseat he is in? Some of them aren't horribly comfy, to be honest. Sometimes, carseat issues resolve completely simply by changing the carseat the child is in. some carseats are notorious for having bumps or notches that can rub on kids wrong, etc. Or, some seats sit either very high or low, so they can't see out the windows, or are at an angle that is not comfy. You can try changing the seat, or the angle, etc. Of course, if he has several seats he uses, that's probably not the case.

some kids just don't like being held down, not much you can do about that.

Is the sun in his eyes at all? My kid is usually ok in the car, but if a tiny sliver of sunlight hits his eyes, he will scream as if the devil himself were stasbbing him with a red-hot pitchfork. Therefore, we have a complex, multilayered, 360-degree fortress of mesh around him, LOL.

The best thing I've seen work is the extremely quick plop-and-buckle. Fast, like ulling off a bandaid. Place in seat, hold down, buckle, done. If you've tried reason and distraction and bribery, etc and it doesn't work, it isn't going to suddenyl start working. Just get it over with.

Car dvd player? Ours saved my life when ds was little. The kids now have little ipod-like ( but cheapo knockoffs, lol!) media players to play music and videos. Big lots has some for $30 this week. A couple dora videos, and we're good for a day about town.