gastro bug...would you be upset?

[lifeintheslowlane]

I am a working (3 days/week) mom to a 16 month old DS and 3 yr old DD. Usually, once a week, we get together for lunch with my sister-in-law, her friend, my mother-in-law, and all ensueing children. Last week, I hosted. My sister in law asked if she could drop her 5 year old daughter off early while she did some errands (fun, not important errands!). Like shopping for herself, etc. She is a SAHM and her kids are in preschool 3 days a week and all day first grade every day.

Anyway, she mentioned her DD wasn't in school the day before, and had thrown up a few times. I had a big week coming up, and very honestly asked that if her DD was sick, please don't bring her. I was quite frank. I am not a germ-phobe. I am a mostly non-vaxing, open to germs, run of the mill mom. I don't own hand sanitizer! However, I didn't want the stomach bug, with all we had on our plate.

So, next morning at 8:30, SIL drops off daughter. Says she is fine. As soon as SIL leaves, DD lays on couch, doesn't play, and has diarhea 5 times in two hours. Nasty, smelly, pure yellow diarhea. Now, I know my SIL, and she is really laissez-faire, and probably asked her daughter if she went potty, daughter said yes, and I don't even think she gave her breakfast, as she would have thrown it up. I felt for my niece, and was really PISSED! I was pretty abrupt with my SIL when she showed up for lunch.

Anyway, of course, 3 days later, my whole family gets the bug. Now, 4 days later, my son is still vomiting, having diarhea, and just keeping him hydrated is touch and go. I have had no sleep, oh, and my husband has had it and had to miss work. I have missed a job interview and two days at my job.

Am I wrong to be pissed? I have a great relationship with my SIL, but...I don't really feel like I can trust her, or value her judgement. There are other things with childcare that have made me feel that way...she and her husband often seem very "all about me" vs. "all about the kids" or "all about the family". Which is fine, and a lifestyle choice, but when it cramps ours, it does become a problem...

Oh well, just needed to vent....

[LindsC]

That probably would have bothered me too. Both of my kids just got over a similiar stomach bug and we kept them home from daycare until they were symptom free for 24 hours since we didn't want to risk any of the other kids being exposed to it. My son still has "loose" BM's, but they are definately not diarrhea and he is acting 100% normally.

And like you said, you did ask her not to bring her daughter by if she wasn't feeling well because you had a busy week coming up.

[StrawberryFields]

Ooooohhhh I would be incredibly pissed. You have no idea how angry I would be!!! I am deathly afraid of the stomach flu. Mainly because I have been similarly screwed over a couple times in the past few years and caught too many stomach bugs as a result. ESPECIALLY since you laid it out that you did not want her there if she was sick. Man, that sucks. I really feel your pain. My whole family missed Thanksgiving in 2008 because my friend's kid gave us the stomach flu for the SECOND time in a couple months. Instead of enjoying the holiday with our family we were all laying in the living room puking into buckets.

[Ruthla]

I'd be pissed too. Your SIL was extremely selfish to drop off her sick DD at your house- her errands could have waited another few days.

[2xy]

In light of my own recent experience with a stomach bug, yes, I'd be mad.

I began to feel nauseous one night after having been fine all day. Over the next 4.5 hours, I got so sick I had to go to the emergency room. I'd had horrendously watery diarrhea (tmi, I know) about a dozen times that evening and had thrown up three times. My blood pressure was 64/39 when I got there, from dehydration. I missed three days of work.

There's no reason to expose someone to that sort of illness if it can be helped, IMO. I don't think it does anything to build up immunity.

[mamazee]

Yes, you specifically said not to bring her over if she was sick, and she was obviously sick enough the day before and still then that her mom would have had to know what was going on. I'm not a germaphobe by any shot and I'm one who is generally relaxed with snotty nosed kids and what not, but I would have immediately called her to come back and pick up her sick kid.

Our school district says that kids can't go to school until they've been free of vomiting, fever, etc., for a full 24-hour. In the future, I suggest you follow that guideline as well. So if she says, "Oh she's been throwing up all day" you can immediately say, "Well then you'd better keep her home tomorrow." That was really wrong of her.

[eclipse]

You're not overreacting. I'd be upset, too. I mean, you're not dealing with the sniffles, here! If you caught a minor cold from your niece, I'd say no big deal - but throwing up and diarrhea is HUGE.

[Bethla]

Beyond pissed. This really irks me. Her daughter would have been way more comfortable at home too. Did she not have a cell phone...because at the first sign of diarrhea I would have called SIL and said "pick your child up". And as a WOHM it makes life a lot more stressful when you have sick kids!

[Punchy Kaby]

I would be really angry. And I would talk about the issues with her. It is not appropriate to drop your sick kiddo off while you go shopping and it is not ok to spread the stomach bug to another family. The more I think about it, the more mad I would be. What a selfish woman. I feel so badly when my kids are sick, I hold them and snuggle with them all day, it is hard for me to hear about people who drop them off and go shopping.

[amydiane]

Ditto what everyone else said. I would be livid.

ETA: And I'm not a germaphobe, either.

[SoulCakes]

I'm angry FOR you! It's one thing if she had no idea her daughter was getting sick, but she knew full well and brought her over AFTER you told her not to. That's just bad. Selfish! She got your entire family sick!

Jeez.

[sunshynbaby]

I would be super pissed and probably would be reluctant to watch her dd again (sick or not). What a selfish woman! No one wants to get sick, and anyone who would expose a baby to the stomach flu like that is a loser in my book. I have had friends and family members cancel lunch dates with me because they had the sniffles and didn't want to expose my babe to any potential cold germs. That is what caring friends do...

[kdtmom2be]

Add my vote to the "super-pissed" group! She KNEW that her kid was sick and you specifically asked her to not come if she was sick. She should have stayed home with her whole family rather than expose the rst of you to a nasty virus. I'm also not a germaphobe but my rule of thumb when it comes to sicknesses and play dates is NO puking, NO diarhea, NO fevers. Snotty noses are fine. Moderate "blech" feeling, fine. Sore throat, fine.

[Carhootel]

I'd be pissed too! and I wouldn't necessarily say anything since what's done is done but if she ever asked again I'd say no, even if she doesn't give indication that her dd is sick because you just can't trust that she'll be honest about that obviously.

[annettemarie]

Moving out to the general parenting forum

[Stella_luna]

Of course, dropping off the child was wrong. But what I don't understand is why you let her drop her off in the first place. If SIL didn't tell you that her DD had been sick, that would be one thing; but when she showed up with her DD, you certainly could have told her, "I'm really sorry, I want to help you out, but when she's sick she needs to be at home." I also have friends who think their kids are fine the day after they have a virus, but I never let them come over until they've been symptom-free for several days---and I see keeping them away as my responsibility, since I'm the one who doesn't want their germs.

[One_Girl]

I would be bothered if I was as clear as you were about it. It could be that her daughter didn't seem sick the day before and then got sick again, I have had this happen to my dd after 24 hours of not having any sick symptoms and it was very embarassing to get a call from a teacher who assumed that I knew my dd was still sick. If her child is genuinely not a morning person then she may not have realized that her child was sick, but it seems unlikely that this is the case since she has a history of doing this.

[artgoddess]

I'd be really pissed off.

[pianojazzgirl]

Oh yeah... I'd be way beyond pissed. That is so totally uncool.

[Learning_Mum]

I would be really angry! I HATE stomach bugs! They pass around the whole family and I can't stand having to clean up vomit several times in the middle of the night - esp. when you're feeling nauseous yourself! Nothing worse than having to deal with someone elses vomit when you want to vomit yourself!

I am probably a little biased in that about three months after my husband left the kids and I all got sick with a stomach bug. It is a horrendous experience to deal with two vomitting, unhappy kids by yourself when you're feeling the same way. I'm pretrified of the kids catching stomach bugs now!!