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My 14 year old daughter refuses to wear a bra

post #1 of 57
Thread Starter 
My daughter is 14 years old and has quite large breasts. However, she doesn't want to wear any kind of bra, nor a camisole. She says they are uncomfortable and make her feel weird, she is a tomboy. When she walks, her breast wobble, and often she wears a tank top or a t-shirt, so that you can see her nipples through her clothing. It's not modesty.

Anyone else having this problem? What would you do?
post #2 of 57
I'd let her wear what she wants to wear (how are you going to MAKE her wear a bra?)

But I'd take her to a specialty shop and have her properly fitted. Then I'd let her choose what she wanted - sports bras, frilly bras....whatever.
post #3 of 57
Sports bra seems like an obvious answer. I wouldn't push a bra on her, exactly... but hmm. It's kind of tricky. I wouldn't want people gaping at my young daughter's breasts, on the one hand, and it's not like I'd let her out of the house without pants. But on the other hand, you don't want to force her. I'd stock up on sports bras and - I dunno - perhaps mention that bras help prevent sagging?
post #4 of 57
Oh! I just thought of something else. If she's a real tomboy and pretty active outdoors, she's probably already found out that bouncing breasts get in the way of running and jumping and playing sports. It's uncomfortable and distracting. Maybe point out that she'll have an easier time being active if she throws on a sports bra?
post #5 of 57
They ARE uncomfortable!

Is she concerned at all about the modesty issue...if not your should avoid that as a reasoning.

maybe show her womans teams (that she likes, soccer etc) and that they all wear sports bras so they can do all the stuff they need.
How about showing a repeat of that OPRAH (I'm sure there has been others too) that show women how a good fiting bra makes them look better, be healty and draw LESS attention to them!

She likely is very unaware of how exactly it looks to others and how it affects them. I have two cousins who also had a period like this at this age who also could use some support but just didn't seem to realize how much other people noticed......they are also tomboys unconcerned with fashion/style. They are now older and wear what is needed of course.

Be gentle... don't shame her. Maybe find someone else in a crowd who has a floppy front and ask her what she thinks about it..... bUT really it seems a little wrong to force a young woman to be embaressed about her body..... Just a thoughT.
post #6 of 57
I never liked bras when i was younger but my reasons where different, i didn't want breasts i hated it that my body was changeing, i even tried hideing my period by hideing my bloody knickers cos i hated the fact i was turning into a "young woman" back to the subject maybe you could try finding her something comfier like a sports bra or a t-shirt bra. something that supports like a bra but looks and feels like a crop top.
post #7 of 57
Her body, her choice.
post #8 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
Her body, her choice.
Yes! Exactly that

I haven't worn a bra for years, and I don't thank any woman should be required or forced to wear one.
post #9 of 57
I was a similar kid to your daughter. Nothing my mother ever said could get me to wear a bra.

I did end up wearing one for a few years after a trusted camp counselor took me aside and talked to me- basically she just said if I ever wanted one, she'd be glad to get me one, no questions asked and threw in some other stuff about growing up. I thought about it for a few weeks and took her up on it eventually. And I still didn't say anything about it to my mother

That said, I've given them up again. The few years I did wear them I only wore sports bras. Now I wear undershirts (mens) or underarmour (also mens) if I need them to bounce less or am wearing something formal. I do have a large chest, and this works fine for me.

I would probably offer her some undershirts, and some underarmour. You might point out that even boys wear undershirts. Otherwise, I don't think its an issue. It makes you uncomfortable, but it obviously doesn't make her uncomfortable. I see one of two things happening- either she changes her mind as she matures, or peer pressure gets to her, or she'll decide she doesn't care about societal norms and continue as she is.
post #10 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
Her body, her choice.
This.
post #11 of 57
Soulcakes - I hate to disappoint you but bras don't prevent sagging: that is a big fat old myth put about by those who make bras.

If she doesn't want to wear one there is not much you can do about it. If she gets self conscious she may ask you for some advice on bra alternatives.

I can suggest a plain undershirt with a bit of lycra in it or a very stretchy crop to but I can't vouch for bras at all myself as I hate them too. Why should I constrict my body if I don't want to?
post #12 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
Her body, her choice.
My Mom used to do bra checks. I hated having to prove I was wearing one. Humiliating!

Maybe she would wear a smaller tank underneath.
post #13 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post
Soulcakes - I hate to disappoint you but bras don't prevent sagging: that is a big fat old myth put about by those who make bras.

If she doesn't want to wear one there is not much you can do about it. If she gets self conscious she may ask you for some advice on bra alternatives.

I can suggest a plain undershirt with a bit of lycra in it or a very stretchy crop to but I can't vouch for bras at all myself as I hate them too. Why should I constrict my body if I don't want to?
How is that a myth? Skin is only so elastic; it stretches when weight (breast tissue) holds it down. It's just biology/physics. Bras counteract (to some extent) the being held down, therefore bras counteract (to some extent) the stretching of the skin.

Agreed, however, that if she doesn't want to wear a bra then there's nothing left to do or discuss.
post #14 of 57
If she likes to wear tank tops, how about buying her some running tank tops (very controlling/form fitting) and she can wear one of those with a "regular" tank or two on top. Or just several "normal" tanks.

If she does a lot of sports, she may be chafing on her bra strap (around the chest). When I played a lot of soccer it was common for us to actually tuck our shirts under our bra to prevent chafing. They have better stuff now though! (wish I had workout tanks like my DD has now back then).
post #15 of 57
I have very large breasts 44 H and I hate bras. I don't wear them unless in public. If your daughter has the confidence not to wear one, support her Bra straps have permanantly dented my clavicle bones. I get headaches from wearing them and have arthritis in my midback since age 27 from the bras putting the weight so high up. It should be her choice, let her wear a thicker tank if you are worried about modesty.
post #16 of 57
That was me. They do take some getting used to...as if you had spent your whole life never wearing panties

There's something annoyingly extra about them...so maybe getting tanks with cups built in or zip up sports bras will help.

I also feel that if someone had just taken a moment to neutrally fill me in on the culture, I would have chosen to wear them more consistently. At 14 I did not think about guys staring at my breasts or about nipples poking through, or bouncing around, etc.
post #17 of 57
I also am large chested (42DD) and hate bras unless I have to go to a fancy party.
My mother always wanted me to wear bras, underwear, jeans without holes, no tye-dyes. She didn't like me climbing trees and swimming in creeks once I was about 14.
Now I do all those things all the time.
AND I have a daughter who has 25 bras, wears underwear, has nice jeans and fashiony shirts. She will occasionally climb a tree or swim in a creek, in proper swimwear of course.
Funny.
Essentially I have to go with Her Body, Her Choice.
post #18 of 57
I thought bras were really uncomfortable, and went bra-less for years. I had tried a variety, but didn't really find anything I liked. Until I went to a specialty shop. That's where i learned the proper size and style bra for me.

Before I gave up on bras, I had been choosing wrongly. Then I stopped trying - and never really figured out what was right. Now, thanks to the helpful, discreet saleswoman and the wide selection at the shop, I wear one every day. I like them and I find them very comfortable. I've heard statistics that say something like 70% of women aren't wearing the proper size and style.

I'm sure that bras are uncomfortable for some women, no matter what. I'd give a 14 y.o. a chance to find out for sure that there is nothing out there for her, though.
post #19 of 57
No bras for me, and it hasn't ruined my life or sagged my boobs. (C cup). I think it would have been AWFUL if my mom had been nagging me and on my case about it. (And, knowing my mom, if she DID take up that cause, I'd still be hearing about it now at age 33 - and, furthermore, if I ever changed my mind and decided I DID want to wear one, I'd have to be sure not to wear one around my mother, lest I hear her crow for the rest of her life how she was right).

A bra is a tool for a woman, not a necessity. If she feels bras help her, she should have them available to her. If not, they shouldn't be forced.
post #20 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes View Post
My Mom used to do bra checks. I hated having to prove I was wearing one. Humiliating!
If it's not possible to tell, just by looking at you, if you're wearing a bra, then...what difference could it possibly make whether you wore one or not??
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