Daddy needs a wake-up call: resource help?

[amber913]

Dh is completely unconcerned about health--no, really, i'm not kidding--diet, lifestyle, everything, he just does what he wants. I'm on the other end of the spectrum. So how to raise the kids....

We live in a society that is 2/3 overweight. Sedentary lifestyles coupled with the standard American diet contribute greatly to this. So i'm trying to raise my kids to make healthy choices and be more inclined to DO stuff rather than WATCH stuff. But it's hard when your dh doesn't see what the big deal is. At all. He'd let the kids watch as much as they want, and eat pretty much whatever they want. He says they're vegetarian and skinny, so they'll never be overweight (and thus encounter the health problems associated with weight).

I've done some research on childhood obesity/health problems to show him that our children's health is something to take seriously--that these problems are much easier to prevent than to treat. Does anybody have any good resources in mind that may help my dh realize that HEALTH IS A CONCERN?

[GuildJenn]

I don't think you can make someone realize that.

I mean the information is MORE than out there, as the "war" on obesity is everywhere.

I'd just invite him along for the active things you are doing with the kids, and stock healthy food. There is not much more you can do, IMO. They are his kids too and if he chooses to watch TV with them or have them eat treats, then he does. But if you are active and bring your kids along, they'll have that in their lives.

As for eating too much, I don't personally believe in controlling how much healthy food kids eat unless an actual weight problem has developed (and even then I would want to think long and hard about it.) If your kids are skinny and active, and not eating tons of potato chips and transfats and other vegetarian-but-not-good stuff, then I'm sort of with him.

[amber913]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

As for eating too much, I don't personally believe in controlling how much healthy food kids eat unless an actual weight problem has developed (and even then I would want to think long and hard about it.) If your kids are skinny and active, and not eating tons of potato chips and transfats and other vegetarian-but-not-good stuff, then I'm sort of with him.

Ah, but they do eat crap. They eat chips, which he buys, drink soda, which he buys (dh even started letting ds pick out his own 2-liter bottle every week!). Dh is laid off during the colder months, so he's had more influence over their diets the past few months. He makes cookies a lot, too. I had "screen time rules" which are harder to enforce with dh in the house.

I'm not exactly a health nut--i believe in moderation. But in this society, it's easy to become unhealthy and hard to stay healthy. Teaching our kids about healthy choices is something fairly new to parenting--b/c there are so many bad choices out there--much more than before.

What i'm looking for are some good resources that help drive it home to him that we need to DO this (instill a desire to be healthy)---but how do you do that if he lacks that desire? Hmmm...

[ollyoxenfree]

I tend to agree that it's hard to persuade someone else about healthy issues, unless they've reached a point by themselves where they are at least a little concerned.

You might try Michael Pollan's Food Rules , which also takes a wider environmental view, as well as advocating for personal health.

Last Child in the Woods also takes a slightly different approach than simply "get active". Your dh might be more open to the idea that kids (and parents) need to get back to nature.

Similarly, Amanda Soule Blake's The Creative Family is about nurturing family connections and inspiring children's imagination with all sorts of activities.

The books aren't about improving your heart health or avoiding obesity per se - but your dh might be more open to the ideas expressed in them. And let's face it - if you are out in the woods collecting pine cones for a nature craft, instead of watching t.v. or playing video games - the heart health and obesity issues are less likely to be a problem.

[pianojazzgirl]

Good luck mama! Your ds is just about exactly the same age as my dd and I experienced a serious EEK! moment when I read that your dh will let him drink 2 litres of soda a week! I think I'm like you - trying to create a healthy lifestyle for my family (good food, staying active etc), but allowing some "junk" (ie. some screen time, some not-as-healthy food) in moderation (moderation is key!). So the odd handful of chips and a cookie once in a while wouldn't bother me, but it sounds like your dh is going way past *my* comfort zone at least (especially with the soda!). What about trying to stock "healthy" versions of that junky stuff in your cupboards? Maybe get your dh's taste buds adjusted to some (at least slightly) healthier alternatives? (And I hesitate in writing this, but maybe secretly flush the rest of the soda down the toilet when no one's looking???)

As for resources to share with your dh I'm sorry I don't have any to share. Good luck though - I'm rooting for you!

[Learning_Mum]

I'm probably more in your husbands camp in that I'm not toooo concerned about what the kids eat, they'll probably have something junkie everyday, like a couple of biscuits or something, but I got to say that I am shocked by the soda!! DS1 is almost a year younger than your DS1 and he only gets fizzy drinks at parties or on the odd occasion at Grandma and Grandads! My kids are active and healthy and I'm not too strict about what they eat but I sure won't be letting them have 2L of fizzy drink a week! I got worried when we had alot of juice in the house for a while and DS1 would have a couple of glasses of that a day! And that's the no additives, no added sugar, no preservatives kind of juice too!

[allisonrose]

I definitely feel for your situation since I am in a very similar one. My hubby is also doesn't think eating healthy is such a big deal. And TV limiting is very difficult since he grew up in a household where the TV was pretty much always on and being an only child, he found himself in front of it a lot. I get especially concerned because my hubby has diabetes in his family history and has lost his father and several uncles to complications with diabetes.

I've seen commercials for Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution on ABC. I'm hoping that I can get my hubby to sit down and watch that with me....

[laila2]

Use what happened in my family as an example

when dd turned 1, 5.5 years ago, my MIL had a stroke. Since they were not set up financially, they decided FIL would be the care taker. I did not like this, but it was not my decision. She needs help eating, bathing and toilleting. She is in a wheel chair, and practices walking very rarely.

dh is also not the healthiest eater. He craves greasy food, and often has two deserts per night. From the outside looking in, I could see that lazy parenting usually takes over, and he sits from the couch and barks commands that are uneffective. I finally convinced him to find a family doctor that he likes. Because of his high cholesterol, he was put on homeopathic meds at his youngish age of 40. His doctor determined that the high cholesterol is hereditary, and if he does not make changes, his meds will go beyond homeopathic.

Meanwhile, FIL is fading fast, and just recently, dh had to take care of an emergency situation, in which FIL had to be put in the hospital, and dh had to rush up to care for MIL and find her some full time care. dh had to help her toilletting, and the house was so dirty. He cleaned. He had always given me grief about the long term care insurance I buy for us, but not since he had to care for mil that time. He does not want the kids going through that either. The situation of MIL has taken its toll on our entire family, especially dh who is very distaught for her. She was and still is at times, an amazing woman.

Ever since MIL had her stroke, I have been going to a gym and my cholesterols is well below the harmful level. I have resolved not to have my kids go through what my dh is going through with his parents.

I hope your family does not have this eye opening experience.

[TinkerBelle]

I am fat person and it is rough. However, I am taking steps to get healthier and feel better.

Your husband needs to get a grip.

[HappyMommy2]

I was able to cut way down on soda by keeping other cold drinks in the fridge. My hubby likes the convenience of a cold beverage.

So, we always have the Brita pitcher in there (buy the huge one). At dinnertime, I bring out the pitcher and 4 cups.

I also make lemonade with Brita water, lemon juice, and sugar. I use the turbinado sugar from Trader Joe's or Agave.

In summer, I keep a large pitcher of unsweetened ice tea in there too. Sometimes I will make a half-n-half mix of lemonade ice tea.

Now, we have soda cans in the garage left over from a party and we will have it 1-2 times a week when we have popcorn and movies. But I don't buy it anymore (except for parties).

I found that having the soda inconvenient, either warm in a cabinet or outside in the detached garage PLUS have healthier cold convenient options available helps everyone make the right choice.

Good luck mama!

[JamieCatheryn]

My DH would tend toward feeding himself and the kids junk too, I just serve up good stuff preemptively and when they're out alone together now and then I try not to stress about it. I have taught DH to avoid giving HFCS or any excessive sugar without good fats and proteins too because it makes DS go crazy...and because I complain about it. I try to understand where he is coming from when he wants to sit around and watch TV in his downtime, work is tiring, home is relaxing time. But I've learned he's an all or nothing kind of guy so I can plan an activity and get him to do it so long as there's no room for doing it haphazardly.

[Asparagus78]

Are we married to the same man? No, seriously. I'm veggie, avoid all processed foods, and eat mostly raw and all organic. DH eats Big Macs. Every day. So how do we make this work... We basically let DS1 eat whatever he wants that's on the table. At any typical meal, there will be tons of fresh veggies, tofu, grains (all for me) and deep-fried meat, bread, sauces (for DH). Believe it or not, DS1 will almost always go for the veggies and tofu! We don't force it (just like I would never force DH to change his eating, even though I do complain about it sometimes...).

What does cause problems is when DH and DS1 go grocery shopping - they come home with cookies, "fake foods" and tons of other crap. DH thinks he's making DS1 happy by giving him these foods. I draw the line at pop and sugary breakfast cereals, though. DS1 (almost 4) has never had either.

I actually don't think it's a bad thing for kids to be exposed to tons of junk food; but they do have to understand what it does/will do to their body so that they can make the right choices when parents are not around. Go look at any schoolyard during recess to see what kids are eating - it's quite shocking. So if not at home, they'll see it soon enough and crave it.

[amber913]

Thank you all for your responses. It's nice to see i'm not the only one. It's also nice to see you're all appalled at how much soda my kids drink! Thought i was the only one!

So we're "out" of soda--dh will keep it in the garage, hidden, for his use only. We're going to cut out the juice, for the most part, too. So they'll have raw milk and water, and that's about it.

The chips, well, they're eating them right now. At least they had lunch first. May have to hide them, too. DD likes them TOO much.

I think my struggle was in getting dh to see that we live in a different world than when we were kids. Our parents didn't monitor TV-watching or our food choices all that much. Now, we have to.

I agree with a PP that it's important to expose your kids to junk so they don't freak out and continuously gorge themselves once they have the chance to do so. Moderation, moderation, moderation...back to my organic chocolate.

So thank you, ladies, i appreciate your input.

[TiredX2]

Moved to Nutrition & Good Eating

[Ravenlunatic]

I am so there with you. I can't make my Dh change his habits... I have recently posted in another thread that I try and lead by example and not be too pushy (that gets me nowhere). I don't know what your kids habits are but I feel okay that my dd eats cookies and chips because she eats a great many healthy things too... and we have a wonderful veggie garden that she is very involved with.

I put my foot down when my dh buys soda. I actually freak out bad when he drinks it and brings it to my dd. He's like get a grip and I'm like NO there will be no soda drinking in my @#$%%@#@ house. He complies. I also have an issue with ice cream which he serves my dd for desert way tooo much, but I am still working on that one.

Your not alone, not by a long shot.