disappointed with my midwife

[gen24]

I love my midwife and I didn't go there for diet advice but still...the advice she gave me was horrible.
First, she said to avoid processed foods and than she gives me a list of "good protein" to have during pregnancy that includes: soy yogourt, low fat cottage cheese, veggie burger, veggie hot dog and many more.
She also said to avoid eating too much fat and started talking about all kinds of supplements that I might want to take.
Anyway...I didn't know what to say so I just listened. Next time I see her, she wants me to bring a 7 day schedule of what I eat every day. I don't know what she will say when she finds out what I eat. I guess I just don't know how to explain to her that I am not willing to change my diet and that I believe that fat it good for me.
Did any of you experience a similar situation?

[outlier]

Yes, I got similar food advice at my first MW appointment. I nodded along but also have no intention of following it. She can't make you eat that stuff, and I can't imagine she'd get upset with you or accuse you of harming your baby if you continue to eat the foods you're comfortable with. If I were you I would just hand her my 7-day schedule with a smile and shrug if she acted surprised. It would be even better if you're not experiencing much nausea because you could explain that you've found these foods are helping your stomach.

FWIW, my good friend from India told me that they make sure to feed pregnant women there lots and lots of fat. Obviously this "non-recommended" high-fat practice has not hurt their birth rates much.

[kl5]

I got the same advice and handouts. I ignored them, and my pregnancy is going great, so there has been no follow-up conversations about my diet. That said, if you wanted to be a trailblazer, why not tell your MW exactly what you are eating and why. Then, as your pregnancy progresses beautifully and healthily, she'll have a data point challenging the status quo "nutrition" advice that keeps getting passed along with no question or study...

[tanyalynn]

If you don't agree on nutrition ideas with her, I wouldn't do a 7-day food journal. I'd just say, I have different views on good nutrition, I've given a lot of thought to my diet, and I'm comfortable with it.

If you want to have a more in-depth discussion, you could point out the inconsistencies in the advice she's given you, but for me, I'd probably just approach it as a topic we don't agree on, so let's move on to other things.

[sarah_bella1050]

I would give her some literature on the dangers of soy instead of a 7 day journal. I wouldn't be confrontational I would just say that you eat a very healthy well balanced diet and aren't seeking nutritional counseling. Give her the literature to show the extreme dangers of processed soy, she probably has no idea how bad it is for you. Just say that she might find this research interesting and then change the subject to something more upbeat and neutral. If she is rude or confrontational after you have been nice and meek then I would say this is a warning for how she will be in labor. Midwives who are pushy about diet and other things are usually pushy and try to dominate the delivery. Midwives should be all about doing what the mother wants, not the other way around.

[crunchy_mama]

Oh, bother- that was one of my interview questions w/ my last mw. I told her that I have already figured out what works for me diet wise and am not interested in much diet advice and was especially opposed to vegetarian lf diets. I let her know though that I eat nice whole foods and low sugar which I think was her main food concerns. I wouldn't do the journal myself but let her know that your views are different but impress upon her that eating whoe nutrient rich foods are very important to you.

[organicmidwestmama]

Originally Posted by TanyaLopez

If you don't agree on nutrition ideas with her, I wouldn't do a 7-day food journal. I'd just say, I have different views on good nutrition, I've given a lot of thought to my diet, and I'm comfortable with it.

If you want to have a more in-depth discussion, you could point out the inconsistencies in the advice she's given you, but for me, I'd probably just approach it as a topic we don't agree on, so let's move on to other things.

this. theres no point in sharing a 7 day diet that will dramatically conflict with her so-called medical nutritional information/beliefs.

[Sara Badger]

the baby needs fat to grow well!! And good fats make healthy,smart babies~ I would share with her it may help future babies!

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by gen24

I love my midwife and I didn't go there for diet advice but still...the advice she gave me was horrible.
First, she said to avoid processed foods and than she gives me a list of "good protein" to have during pregnancy that includes: soy yogourt, low fat cottage cheese, veggie burger, veggie hot dog and many more.
She also said to avoid eating too much fat and started talking about all kinds of supplements that I might want to take.
Anyway...I didn't know what to say so I just listened. Next time I see her, she wants me to bring a 7 day schedule of what I eat every day. I don't know what she will say when she finds out what I eat. I guess I just don't know how to explain to her that I am not willing to change my diet and that I believe that fat it good for me.
Did any of you experience a similar situation?

That just sounds really generic and geared towards someone with a mainstream diet. I would just tell her you are informed on the subject and have a really natural/strong diet or something to that effect.

And give her something about the soy problems!


I had a midwife tell me I had to restrict my protein intake so I wouldn't have a large baby.

[StrongBeliever]

Whoa, Nelly! Personally, I would hop up on my . In my mind I want to think of midwives as these sacred mother nurturing beings that are the flipside of modern medicalized baby deliverers. But I suppose there has to be grey areas. I would feel like I need to re-educate her. Like I would want to help all the mothers down the line that this woman would be in contact with. But I know not everybody is confrontational. Baking baby-muffin is tough enough without crusades to go riding away on.

My neutral stance... Go ahead and give her the 7-day log. It doesn't do any good to hide who you are and what you do from someone who needs to know what's going on with you. If you are making this lady part of your pregnancy and birth journey, she ought to be hip to how you do things. She isn't hesitating to inform you of her ideas with all her handouts, right? She might be open to discussing your points. Or she might need some more info(that you might be able to share) to feel comfortable. Or she might flip her lid. If she did that, then at least you would know what to expect. A PP said it first... That this might be a way to feel her out as a person... Is she going to steam roller you on this diet thing? Is she going to steam roller you on everything?

IT might not be a bad idea to adopt the "let's not go there and agree to disagree" stance either. I think it all depends on what you feel like doing. You run this show, mama. Don't let anybody try to take your baby making butter away.

[tngirl11]

I've been lucky with the midwives that I see. I had to turn in a one-day journal of what I ate, and they seemed quite happy with it. My bad experience with in my last pregnancy. I had GD and had to go to diabetic nutrition counseling and meet with a dietician once a week throughout the last few months of my pregnancy. I didn't take me more than a day or two to realize that the diet they gave me was ridiculous. If I had eaten the things they told me to eat, my blood sugar would have been sky-high! So I just stuck really closely to a high protein, high fat diet that I knew would balance my blood sugar. When the dietician would look at my food journal, she would freak out and try to tell me that it was all wrong. But she couldn't argue with my blood sugar testing results. I tested a lot more often than they asked me to, even in the middle of the night, just so I could prove that I was right!

[organicmidwestmama]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

That just sounds really generic and geared towards someone with a mainstream diet. I would just tell her you are informed on the subject and have a really natural/strong diet or something to that effect.

And give her something about the soy problems!


I had a midwife tell me I had to restrict my protein intake so I wouldn't have a large baby.

seriously, restrict protien in pg?!? my homebirth mw was all about the brewer diet, ie. lots of protien and real food. i guess i lucked out.

[newcastlemama]

My last pair of MWs had advice like this but one of them ended up eating beef again after she met me and the other midwife wanted to know more about my bone broth recipe. (I do a paleo-TF type diet) My MWs are also very hands-off/uncontrolling practioners and I think they just want people to pay attention their diet.

Another MW I had wanted me to make a food journal and she was into super low fat vegan stuff. She could tell I felt uncomfortable with that and I never did do it. I feel kind of weird making a big food journal for someone when having no apparent problems KWIM?

[serenbat]

If your MW is that interested in your diet, I would ask other questions- I wouldn't want surprises later on, not regarding diet. Find out if you two have other differences, you just might.

[JMJ]

I would try not to get too upset about the information she gave you, at least until you have more information. I was a whole foods, soy is a wonder veggie person for a while, and it took me a long time to understand the controversy. I really see moving to TF as progressing naturally from the philosophy of starting with whole, raw, unprocessed ingredients. The next question is how to prepare them to maximize nutrition.

She seems to understand that processed foods are bad for pregnancy, so when she finds that there aren't any on your food journal, she may not be as upset as you think. Next time, if she recommends soy, you can talk to her about its antinutrient properties. You can also talk to her about how you aren't comfortable with the processing needed to create tofu and other soy products. If she questions you about milkfat, tell her that you aren't comfortable with the processing needed to remove the milkfat, and there has been a lot of new research to show that milkfat is good for pregnancy.

I think that most midwives would respect that. If it's a big deal, it's probably better to know now than later. You probably won't agree with her on everything, but it would probably be a good think to know how you handle disagreements. A good midwife will be able to respect your medical decisions without making your life difficult for them. I know that my hb midwife was pro-ultrasound, especially the doppler but respected that I didn't want to use ultrasound and just used a fetoscope, thought that newborn screening was a bad idea but performed the test for us, and recommended iron supplements when I was anemic but didn't have a problem with me just eating more steak instead.

[yitlan]

I was soooooo lucky to have a mw that understood and was educated on traditional foods. I would give her your journal/diary along with some flyers from wapf or printed info on soy and traditional foods in general. It might open a conversation. And, on the other end of the spectrum, you might end up saying "I hope you understand I have done much research into diet and food and will be eating this way based on my extensive research."

[nukuspot]

I am a midwife and I would love if my clients who had other ways of eating than I do would share with me. I think she is just making sure you are not just mindlessly eating bad things---If you show her you have definite ideas about nutrition and are smart about what you eat, I can't imagine she would judge you. She might learn something too! And yes, tell her about the cons of soy. She should know!

[dogmom327]

When I got pregnant with DD and my previous MW was unavailable I think one of the first questions I asked the new MW was, "I drink raw milk, is this going to be a problem for you?"

[Koalamom]

I am totally against soy, but if I were in your shoes, I would probably give a 7 day food journal. Just because even though your midwife may believe differently, it may help you in other areas like saying "oh yeah, I never realized I am not getting enough calcium or vitamin b-6." Perhaps it will help you to eat even better or focus on what you may be missing.

Here is what I am talking about. Sure this place does has some things wrong, but I still really like it for getting a base on what I may be missing nutritionally:
http://whfoods.org/foodadvisor.php

[nerdymom]

I would do the journal, and if she offers feedback, just tell her that you read the info she gave you, but that you have put a lot of thought, research, and consideration into your current diet and feel it is the best for you and your baby. A midwife is supposed to support the mother's intuition. If she is not understanding and respectful of your diet, I would question her ability to respect the choices you make while birthing.

That being said, I bet you won't have a problem. It sounds like she is probably just trying to offer vegetarian suggestions for her clients who may or may not be veg/vegan. Offering info on the dangers of soy is not a bad idea, just so she can pass it along to her other clients.