I only have a few weeks to use my DAY SPA!!!

[Tummy]

My wonderful partner bought me a half day spa last year for Mother's day. This includes: full hour massage, pedicure, manicure, lunch or dinner + wine, facial, etc... all on the water. AMAZING, RIGHT!?!?!?

Yeah, I have one year to use my certificate. It is coming up on Mother's day again. I have yet to use this wonderful day. JB (partner) has been urging me to use this, for months, LOL, many months!!!!

I want to go have a day at the spa, I truly do.... HOWEVER,
I do not feel I 'deserve' this day. JB got me this $250.00 gift to make me feel better, to show me that he cares and believes I deserve to be pampered. I just cannot seem to bring myself to go though.

I have been through so much $h!t in the past 20 months, some of you know JUST HOW MUCH AND HOW HARD!
I know I really do deserve this, as any woman would!!!

*crying now, damn it!*

I am missing part of my heart. There is pieces of my life, VERY IMPORTANT pieces that are missing! I still do not know where they are! I have no contact, no clue. I pray, I think, I dream, I meditate, I talk to them, but they are not here! I do not feel I deserve to have a damn day at the spa and be pampered and doted on! How the hell can a mother 'enjoy' being pampered when part of her heart is missing?

My partner is very upset with me that I have not yet used this certificate! He feels he has 'wasted' $250.00 on nothing cause I have not gone! I do not want him to feel this way. I do not want to seem ungrateful, Goddess knows just how GRATEFUL I truly am, but honestly, I cannot bring myself to 'want to enjoy this treat'.

What can I do to get my arse to the spa in the next few weeks and ENJOY this beautiful gift my partner has given me? Every time I even think of making the apt, I get sick to my stomach, TRULY PHYSICALLY SICK. Right now, just typing this up my stomach is in a damn knot! I want to puke!

[Tummy]

To add, I have not told my partner how I feel about this. I have a hard enough time speaking about why I feel inadequate in the first place. IF anyone brings up my missing pieces, I, every single time, bite their head off, I snap and have very short forceful words to their questioning! I do not want to talk about it to anyone, it is too freaking hard to talk about! So, no, I have not spoken to my partner as to 'why' I have not gone to the spa yet.

[tinuviel_k]

(((HUGS))) That sounds really hard.

If you truly can't go I think it would be wise to tell your partner why. if you are worried about how you'll react in that conversation then perhaps you could write him a letter with your reasons, the details, how you are feeling, and why you don't feel you can go. That way you can get it all out without going into "attack" mode. And in that letter you can tell him why you are afraid to share, tell him how you are afraid you will take it out on him.

Have you gone to any counseling for this? it sounds like you have some deep seated issues with self worth, and counseling might help bring those out.

[HollyBearsMom]

Don't know where you live but most states have passed laws about gift cert. expiration dates. Here in Mass stores have to honor them for 7 years regardless of what is printed on them. Gift cards can not expire and fees can not be charged for non usage.

I would check your state laws.

The other option is call and talk to the owner/manager and explain the situation and see if they can extend the date.

Once you have done this it might take some of the pressure off you so you can take the time and think things thru without an expeiration date hanging over your head.

Another option is break it down into small visits instead of doing it all at once. Maybe a mani/pedi one day, a massage another, a facial and lunch on another.

I second considering therapy too....

[Tummy]

I will check into the laws, thanks. Had not even thought of calling them to see if they would work with me.

It is an all or none thing though. I have to do the ENTIRE day thing all at once. Depending if I go in the afternoon or evening, the lunch/dinner is included and JB already paid for gratuity for it all on top of it!

therapy, lmao, I do not know if there would ever be enough therapy to fix me! I am working on things, truly am. I know that therapy is good and helps many, not opposed to the idea at all.
It is hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable, FOR ANYONE!

[Purple*Lotus]

I am so sorry you are going through this, it sounds really hard

I agree to maybe call and ask them about it. See if you can use a little at a time. Maybe there is a service you feel comfortable getting and you can get several of those. I am sorry your partner feels that the money was wasted. Can you try to talk about your feelings with them?

[Tummy]

JB knows my feelings about the missing pieces. He is the ONLY one who understands how I feel, which is why HE never ever brings it up. He is the one who defends me to my mother when she gets on her 'high horse' about why have I not done this, not done that, do I not care, etc. He puts her in her place.

Now with that said, he does know how I feel, the outer shell of how I feel. No one knows what is deep inside though. That is something that I protect and keep WELL WITHIN MYSELF! I am very good about hiding things that often should be let out, but again the vulnerable issue.