I've been asked to attend a friend's birth - advice please!

[Everrgreen]

Hello!

A friend of mine has asked me to attend her birth for support. She will also have her husband there. I'm very excited that she asked me and really really want to be there for her, but I have a few things I'm unsure about.

First, I am a single mom to a 14 month old DS (will be 16-17 months at the birth). His father is not around very much, I would trust him with DS, but I can't rely on him to be available at short notice. So, most likely, I won't be able to attend the birth without bringing along my DS. Now, my friend has no problem with DS being there. But I'm just not sure if it would work. It will be a hospital birth, so what will I do with him?? Can he just hang out in the labour room with us? If it were night time he could sleep in his stroller, I guess. But I'm just not sure. There is always the option of just going with DS and staying as long as we can. I would also trust my parents with him, but then he would be out of town, so I would have to leave him and not see him for the entire duration of the birth - and I have never left him for more than 3 hours at a time! So I just don't see that as an option either...

Okay, so that's obviously the BIG issue. So, assuming that DS's father is available or I bring DS and he does fine, my next question/concern is regarding the birth being in a hospital. My DS was born at a home, so I'm curious about what a hospital birth is like. Maybe I should familiarize myself with it a bit more? I don't want to suggest something to my friend that worked for me, and then find out that it isn't allowed. I might be worrying about this too much

I wish she was having a homebirth - then this would be so much easier!

[ashini]

I dont have any advice for you. I am very squeamish but the best thing that helped me was this book.

http://books.rediff.com/bookshop/bkp...iple=&frompg=_

http://www.jujusundin.com/

Best of luck!

[Bethla]

I would double check hospital policy on bringing your child. I doubt they would let you bring him. I could be wrong though! Hope it works out well, your friend must feel very close to you. She's lucky to have your support.

[RedOakMomma]

I attended two births of my good friend, and it was an amazing experience. Whatever help I might have given her paled in comparison to the gift of being there for such an incredible event in her life. Truly.

I would do what you can to find a different arrangement for your ds. No matter what hospital policy is, it's hard for a young one to stay happy and focused (without being a distraction) in a dark, dull, calm hospital room. Sleep might not be possible, since nurses and doctors will be entering the room at random times, your friend might or might not be verbal, and you don't know what kinds of events might happen during the birth. In my opinion (having attended two hospital births and done two of my own), having a child there during the intense parts of labor would not be a good idea. If you're going to be there to support her, and really be a part of her team, her rituals, her cycles for each contraction, it might be really hard to attend to your son as well.

If your son could sleep through the night or play through an afternoon/early evening without you (or with semi-regular visits to the hospital, should the labor drag on), I would go that route. I know it's hard to have any amount of separation from your child when you're not used to it, but it usually works out just fine for mom and baby. You'll have plenty on your mind (with your friend), can call in and check on your ds, and hopefully you can find someone to watch him.

Good luck!

[katelove]

How exciting! I was priviledged to be invited to be a support person for a friend of mine and her husband as well and it was a very special experience.

The following is all just based on my one experience as a support person so please take it as that, I am no expert in this area

I would say, if at all possible, have someone available to mind your son. Your friend will probably need your undivided attention.

Talk to your friend and her husband about their birth plan (if they have one) and be familiar with it (have a copy if possible). Or, if no birth plan, what their expectations/desires are for their birth.

Talk at length about what their expectations of your role are and also what your expectations of your role are.

Find out about hospital policies which may be an issue if possible and discuss how they plan to address them. Your friend may have this info already.

Once you are there - remember to take care of yourself and your friend's husband. Eat and drink regularly. Take toilet breaks etc. It can be really hard work, physically and emotionally, to be a support person and you can serve your friend better if your needs are met too.

Best wishes to you all for a wonderful birth experience.