a little about me and my situation... just happy and want 2 share

[SaraBravo]

Ok so here is a really long story get out the pop corn.
So I moved in with my now ex husband when I was 18 and in high school. Finished high school with an awesome gpa. I worked while I went to school worked that summer and fall and started college and got my own apt in jan. I knew I was pg (19 yo at the time) finally got a pos in march and she was born in sept. Bf had me quite school and work when I was pg. Then when she was 4 mo we got pg again and got married in apri of 07 then son wqas born in oct. I left him twice because he was abusive. Then in june of 08 I went in the army so I could have a way to supposrt myself and my kids and go to school. Well ex and I decided to give it one last shot then his ex gf was pg with his baby then on my graduation day I found out he was cheating with her ugh. Then go on to ait then fracture my pelvis, sacrum and femoral head all on my left side. I went home for 1 month and was there for my asons 1st bday. We decided to divorce.I dated a little bit. I met an awesome man who is now in iraq but it didn't work out... oh well.... so now I am not in the army any more because of my injuries. I feel almost 100% better. Depends on the days though. Some days its terrible pain others I'm running jumping and carrying both 39lbs kids at the same time.
Now jan of 2010. I met the sweetest kindest most loving caring guy. He listens to me apologizes when he knows he was wrong without me saying a single word. He buys me flowers just to say I love you. He and I r a wonderful team. We r so perfect together and everything feels calm relaxed and normal. He is great with my kids and I love his boys and we r just a great family. He is the first bf my kids have ever met. Because he needs to be moving out of his towne home and he does so much for the kids and I (I don't drive I have a brain tumor that docs just want me to be careful. ...its not cancer and hasn't affected me since puberty) he drives us places and my parents want to find a better home we decided to all move in together. And why not we r totally in love want to marry this summer and I have been wanting to have another babu since my ds was born. He is the man I could stay with for eternity. He has been wanting more children and we admire each other as parents. Blending our families feels right and makes sence. For the first time in my life I'm not questioning myself. And obviously we have started to ttc. We rnt taking it to seriously I don't want to stress too much but I can't keep from being overly excites. I don't think anyone ttc can help being overly excited about ttc. But if wernt pg by the wedding then we will rev it up more and but the ovacue and really make sure we r doing everything right. This is our 1st cycle ttc. (I am 23 so hopefully we don't have to ttc too hard b4 it happens). Everything in my life just seems so perfect and wonderful I don't think my life has ever been this good being married to and pg with the man of my dreams learning to b a good step mom to a 7 and 8 yo and getting in the grove of being a wife again how can life get better ? Oh yeah and we r both catholic yippies! Life is wonderful and God is great. We have talked about not using bc ever again and just leave it up to God. As long as I have help to keep my stress level down that's exactly what I want too. He helps me clean even after a 12hr day!
Pls no comments about how quick this is. I know. But he and his kids feel like family already. We all love each other and know the commitment it will take to make this forever. Everything just seems straight from god. We r happy and a good family. And hey if my mom (of all ppl) approves then I don't think anyone can say a neg word. He's a great man a great dad a great soon 2 b step daddy and a great hardworking loving person in general.

[mumma cop kaz]

Good for you!! My fingers are crossed that you get your BFP really soon!!

You will always come across people and their opinions and as long as you and you partner are happy with you situation, thats all that matters.
Plenty of people comment on my situation being a full time shiftworking Police officer on the front line and married to my deployable army husband and being parents of two, and especially because we want another baby! We dont ever let the comments get to us because we are so happy and content with our life and our kids are a reflection of that.

All the best to you and your beautiful family.

[SaraBravo]

Thank you! I was reading your signature on another post of yours. That must be a hard but fulfilling life. Thank u 2 u and ur hubby for keeping us safe. When I am married again and my injuries don't hurt as often I want to go in the reserves. When I had to be med boarded I felt like I let so many ppl down. So many of my friends r on the front lines @ this moment. I'm supposed to be by their sides helping to protect them... instead I'm here at home laying n bed safe with my 2 wonderful kidos and just spent a few hours with my wonderful man.. mankes me feel selfish.... I'll e b ack out there one day I hope. I was 74d. I've considered doing police or border patrol work too. Hopefully ill be able to drive on my own then though. Proud of u and ur hubby!

[mumma cop kaz]

Thank-you for you kind words, thats very sweet. Our life is kinda crazy but we wouldn't have it any other way. We live in Australia so our guys only get deployed for 9 months unlike your guys.
Don't feel selfish, just absorb and enjoy every moment!!
I feel selfish for wanting another baby when i already have two incredible kids. I dont feel that i am worthy to go through fertility treatments etc. My gp spoke to me this morning about clomid and IUI and i was thinking the whole time, but its my third, will I put myself through all that for number 3?

[SaraBravo]

I say leave it up to God. Let Him work in His own time. The less u stress about it the easier u make it for him. If its ment for u 2 have #3 then u will in his time. If not then u have 2 amazing blessings to tuck in @ night

[tessie]

There is never a right time to have a baby, but there are some very wrong times - and I think choosing to get pregnant by someone you've known for just four months makes for a wrong time. Sorry.

You're both young, you're still in the honeymoon period, would waiting another year be such a hardship? I wouldn't choose paint with someone I'd only known four months, never mind choose to have a kid with them.

[SaraBravo]

Originally Posted by tessie

There is never a right time to have a baby, but there are some very wrong times - and I think choosing to get pregnant by someone you've known for just four months makes for a wrong time. Sorry.

You're both young, you're still in the honeymoon period, would waiting another year be such a hardship? I wouldn't choose paint with someone I'd only known four months, never mind choose to have a kid with them.

Well that's u and ur opinion and your life.
We r. Getting married this summer. And I believe there r plenty of times to have a baby.


Also I really really want a summer bday for the baby so if we don't get pg. This cycle I think i'l talk to my SO about aiming more for this fall so we can have a summer birth. Whenever god gives us a baby is good for us.


Also like I said I'm happy and it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks. All our kids r happy with his he and I r happy my parents and his parents r happy. And my mother never ever remotely liked my ex husband or any other bfs. I believe in God and fate. If god sent me this family why should I argue.

In your defence though I would say the samething to anyfriend who told me they were in this situation but we r happy and it looks so different from the inside and even from the ousid apparently id my best friend and parents r excited for me. On paper though id totally agree with you.

We r happy and we r committed to eachother so what some else thinks just isn't going to make a difference.

Haha I say I want a summer baby but waiting to ttc til aug well we'l see how that goes lol already took 2 hpts lol

[Keria]

Well if you don't care what people think and you don't want people telling you is to early all I have to say is good luck, hopefully the kids involved and any future babies won't be hurt by the hasty desicion making.

Andyou could go to the blended family forum for some advice on blending famillies, if you really only know this guy for 4 months I think it's a little early to be their step mom, you need to slow down for their sake.

[SaraBravo]

Keep the neg comments coming u haven't spoild our happiness yet. I'm not their step mom yet and don't act like it. I only want to learn to be a good step mom for them when the time is right for that. Their dad is the parent. He disciplines them and sets their rules.

We would never hurt any of our children because we want to be selfish. They r #1 always. I know my family works.
If u don't think so that's ur opinon whatever. We r all happy and life is the best for all of us that has ever been. My kids have a good man in their lives. Their dad isn't much.
This is my family like it or not.
I hope none of ur children are ever hurt by any decisions you ever make in your life. No1 in this world is perfect and if someone is happy and not killing themselves then let them be for crying out loud. "The measure by which you judge you shall also be judged" god is the only judge for me so keep all ur unkind judgmental comments coming we r still happy and still ttc

[HulaJenn]

Well i think that being that you aren't in high school and having been through what you have been, time frame isn't necessarily an issue. I do think that staying and continuing to try to make work a relationship with an abusive boyfriend may indicate not so smart decision making, which should maybe make you more cautious, especially when children are involved, about another man you are committing to. I trust the Lord too, but it doesn't mean I am not gonna wear my seatbelt or run blindly into traffic becasue I think the Lord will save me. You still have to make smart choices using the brain the Lord gave you.
But you weren't asking for advice, so congrats on finding happiness and I hope it works out the way you envision.

[Jenne]

Despite the fact that I'm not sure you really want feedback:
So great that you depend on God's guidance...have you read what scripture says about some of the situations you are putting yourself in? The Bible has pretty firm words about nurturing the soul and living God's plan versus living in this world and premarital sex is addressed more than once.

You met this man in January of 2010...let's see...it is March...so 8-12 weeks ago...I believe that marriages can be happy and successful whether 2 people have been together 1 day or several years before they get married. I wish you years together of happy married bliss.

I think it can be really difficult coming from abuse and difficulty to wait until someone has proven themselves over and over to give one's heart away (I'm not saying this is your situation!). I also think it can be really difficult to separate sexual chemistry and the haze of being in love from the qualities that one needs in a husband/partner/father.

If your daughter came to you with this same story what would you advise her to do?

Different strokes for different folks. I wish you all the best. I think what you are experiencing is lust though (not that that cannot grow into a healthy, loving, Christ centered marriage!) and urge you to take lots of time to get to know this man before you proceed.

Have you run a background check or pulled his credit rating? How much child support does he have to pay each month? It may not seem like a big deal now but when you are barely scraping by and money has to go each month to his other kid's mom that can be a tough pill to swallow. How is his relationship with his kid's mom? How does he talk about her? This can give great insight into how he views women and values motherhood. Why did they break up? Would he leave you over similar circumstances?

I'm not trying to be negative or critique you but read the parents as partners threads and the blended families threads...you have not chosen an easy road...it may seem wonderful now (that's why it is called a honeymoon!!! ) I just hope it sustains and things are as they appear...

Best of luck!
Jenne

[mama2toomany]

I just think this poster had good news to share.. I am not seeing any question from her that would make me think she wants me to express my feelings on a quick whirlwind romance.. I think she just wanted to shout to the roof tops that she is in love, and happy and has come from some pretty rough places to find peace.


I am very happy for you poster. I got married when I was 16 to a man I knew since I was 11.. then I got married to a man I knew for 2 months.. both times It was the best decision I could make at the time. I have no regrets. I am now married 6plus years to a man I lived with for a year before we were married. I love God as you do, but do not think that waiting till we were married was practical, I mean, we had both been to the prom already... kwim?

Life is good and I am happy for you, and pray you get your baby and can live a joyous life with your wonderful blended family.

[SaraBravo]

I am in love not lust with michael. I am old enough to know the difference in that. None of u know me or michael or anything about us. My best friends dad is a cop we checked him right after I met himso don't worry. And as far as money he pays 900 a month in child support and after bills and savings he brings home 2000 a month. He makes close to $100,000 a year. Not that I need to justify anything to you hateful strangers.

Yeah I went back to my husband. I had a 4 week old baby and a 1yo dd. Then we tried again when I was in the army because he was doing anger manegment. I was wrong yes. I was a different person then. I would back down from him give in. In the army I learned to stand up for myself ands thought that might save our marriage. We made vows in front of God I. Elieve should never be broken. I did my best with what God gave me at the time. I do not regret my marriage. We loved each other deeply. He developed issue he didn't want to work on and took it out on me once. I found out later once separated waiting for our divorce it was because he had been addicted to perscription pain meds. That's why he changed. He quit after I left the 1st time but it could not b fixed after that.

I am happy and in love. I just wanted to share that. R your lives so miserable you can't stand anothers happiness? I am young but not stupid or blinded by lust. I am doing what's best for me and my family and we r all happy and in love with each other. Let me be happy. If u r happy for me say so if not then keep ur comments to yourself plz.

As far as premarital sex... well I've already been married. The bible also says if u get divorced and u marry another man u r committing adultry.

Btw both my kids r from the same man. I'm not whoring around. I'm ttc a baby through the grace of god with the man I love and will soon b married to. I am happy with my life finally and my decisions. That's all I need.

[SaraBravo]

Originally Posted by Jenne

Despite the fact that I'm not sure you really want feedback:
So great that you depend on God's guidance...have you read what scripture says about some of the situations you are putting yourself in? The Bible has pretty firm words about nurturing the soul and living God's plan versus living in this world and premarital sex is addressed more than once.

You met this man in January of 2010...let's see...it is March...so 8-12 weeks ago...I believe that marriages can be happy and successful whether 2 people have been together 1 day or several years before they get married. I wish you years together of happy married bliss.

I think it can be really difficult coming from abuse and difficulty to wait until someone has proven themselves over and over to give one's heart away (I'm not saying this is your situation!). I also think it can be really difficult to separate sexual chemistry and the haze of being in love from the qualities that one needs in a husband/partner/father.

If your daughter came to you with this same story what would you advise her to do?

Different strokes for different folks. I wish you all the best. I think what you are experiencing is lust though (not that that cannot grow into a healthy, loving, Christ centered marriage!) and urge you to take lots of time to get to know this man before you proceed.

Have you run a background check or pulled his credit rating? How much child support does he have to pay each month? It may not seem like a big deal now but when you are barely scraping by and money has to go each month to his other kid's mom that can be a tough pill to swallow. How is his relationship with his kid's mom? How does he talk about her? This can give great insight into how he views women and values motherhood. Why did they break up? Would he leave you over similar circumstances?

I'm not trying to be negative or critique you but read the parents as partners threads and the blended families threads...you have not chosen an easy road...it may seem wonderful now (that's why it is called a honeymoon!!! ) I just hope it sustains and things are as they appear...

Best of luck!
Jenne

As far as his 1st wife well his oldest isn't really his abd yet he pays child support for him and loves him just the same as his brother. There is no difference in their treatment. They r father and son dispite his paternity. The trent doesn't know yet. Their mom doesn't know we know I don't think. She knows that trent isn't michaels she named him after another man. So if that let's u know anuything about her and what happened to that marriage. Don't think we haven't discussed and continue to discuss all the hard questions. No blending a family is not easy. Children r not easy. There r good days and bad days. We all love each other and make it through. At the end of the day we r no different than any other family we all hug and kiss say I love u god bless u good night and say our prayers.
Other things u said were addressed in my post b4 this.

Toeveryone else I'm done giving feed back to neg comments. I'm trying to stand up for myself but I'm afraid its coming off defensive. Either u r happy with me or u r not. If not then ignor my post and go on to something else.

[Keria]

Ok sorry for the unsolicited advice, congratulations on finding Love, I know how great it is to be young and in Love.

Another little piece of unsoliciteed advice, you should type are, you, be, to, for etc... The avrebiations make your posts really hard to read and if I may be honest make you sound a little inmature.

[SaraBravo]

Sorry that's how I come off TO YOU. I am not using my computer because it needs to be worked on so I am using my phone so text language tends TO come out and is easier to type. Seriously is u 2 b and 4 that hard for u to figure out? Don't read my posts if u don't like me or approve of me. I don't need or want ur approval. I am happy for me even if others aren't.

[SoCaliMommy]

Wow trying for a kid after knowing a person for only 4months is pretty fast, hope you don't end up getting hurt.

[tessie]

Originally Posted by SaraBravo

Well that's u and ur opinion and your life.
We r. Getting married this summer. And I believe there r plenty of times to have a baby.


Also I really really want a summer bday for the baby so if we don't get pg. This cycle I think i'l talk to my SO about aiming more for this fall so we can have a summer birth. Whenever god gives us a baby is good for us.


Also like I said I'm happy and it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks. All our kids r happy with his he and I r happy my parents and his parents r happy. And my mother never ever remotely liked my ex husband or any other bfs. I believe in God and fate. If god sent me this family why should I argue.

In your defence though I would say the samething to anyfriend who told me they were in this situation but we r happy and it looks so different from the inside and even from the ousid apparently id my best friend and parents r excited for me. On paper though id totally agree with you.

We r happy and we r committed to eachother so what some else thinks just isn't going to make a difference.

Haha I say I want a summer baby but waiting to ttc til aug well we'l see how that goes lol already took 2 hpts lol

I'm not posting to be mean. I'm posting because I genuinely can't see any benefit in rushing into a pregnancy in a brand new relationship and I think you're too blindsided by love to think clearly.

I appreciate that he's a great guy, I really do. And that's wonderful. Finding your soul-mate is an incredible thing.

However, you don't really know this guy. Well, you know him but you don't know how he is when the first flush of love has faded. As you know all too well pregnancy/newborn can be tough on the strongest of relationships, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have that inflicted on a brand new relationship.

Furthermore, I wouldn't be getting pregnant if I was still having pain from a broken pelvis - that's a recipe for a pregnancy on crutches if you're lucky or bedrest and a c/section if you're not.

[lawmama1984]

Originally Posted by SaraBravo

I say leave it up to God. Let Him work in His own time. The less u stress about it the easier u make it for him. If its ment for u 2 have #3 then u will in his time. If not then u have 2 amazing blessings to tuck in @ night

I'm not going to comment on the whole relationship part of this post, because...well I'm just not, other than to wish you well.

But I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about this post since you replied to Karen a couple days ago. I have been thinking of the best way to word what I'm going to say. I want this to come across as gently and caring as I can, because that is the spirit I'm intending to say what I have to say in. Please take it that way. I think we all come to these boards to learn and grow from each other, which is why I even feel compelled to say anything.

Again, please take this in the spirit I intend it. I would like to gently remind you that these are the TTC boards. I know you were intending to be kind with your reply, and I totally understand that, but just try to imagine how you'd feel if any of the repliers to your post had said "Well, maybe God doesn't want you to have more kids with this man, and at least you already have your 2." Even if they were being sincere, as I know you were, it still stings, kwim?

Again, I am not trying to be rude or mean and I hope that you understand where I'm coming from. I have been going back and forth on whether to even post this, but it has really been on my mind, so I had to say something.

[AdalynsMama]

Originally Posted by lawmama1984

I'm not going to comment on the whole relationship part of this post, because...well I'm just not, other than to wish you well.

But I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about this post since you replied to Karen a couple days ago. I have been thinking of the best way to word what I'm going to say. I want this to come across as gently and caring as I can, because that is the spirit I'm intending to say what I have to say in. Please take it that way. I think we all come to these boards to learn and grow from each other, which is why I even feel compelled to say anything.

Again, please take this in the spirit I intend it. I would like to gently remind you that these are the TTC boards. I know you were intending to be kind with your reply, and I totally understand that, but just try to imagine how you'd feel if any of the repliers to your post had said "Well, maybe God doesn't want you to have more kids with this man, and at least you already have your 2." Even if they were being sincere, as I know you were, it still stings, kwim?

Again, I am not trying to be rude or mean and I hope that you understand where I'm coming from. I have been going back and forth on whether to even post this, but it has really been on my mind, so I had to say something.