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Dealing with worry and fear - Page 2

post #21 of 22
**Warning** My Christian faith bias involved here.

My last birth was a hospital VBA2C. Once I decided on that, I had this very strong fear that once I was in labor, I would be very worried that my thoughts would go to "rupture, rupture" and it would prevent me from laboring/delivering. In fact, many of the scare tactics I had heard before went through my head, and I doubted myself a little at times. So, throughout my pregnancy, I prayed that when the time came, God would give me the strength and focus to do the work at hand-without fear. A friend reminded me when I had my fears that God doesn't give us what we need necessarily before we need it...

When the time came for the labor and birth, I honestly don't believe I ever ONCE thought of rupture..the only time it ever even popped in my mind was when I thought "how silly" any time the nurse or OB would check something to ensure I wasn't rupturing!

So, this time it's a homebirth for me. I have fears, but I'm praying on them, and giving them to God. My fears are a bit stronger this time, as my hospital VBA2C supportive OB from last time REALLY scared me about doing this at home..I know that's his job, but it still goes in there somewhere. It's now all on my shoulders, and the "why'd you do that" scenario if something were to go wrong still plays in my mind. I even hear the condemnation of this being a selfish choice-risking the baby, etc. However, I'm doing better with it each week, and I DO believe that when the time comes to deliver, I'll be filled with strength and a positive outlook.

I truly believe that we have responsibility to make informed and healthy choices with the bodies He's given us. This is my way of doing that, and it's been researched and prayed upon..so, I believe whatever outcome (and I believe it will be good!) is the way God wants it.

I trust God will give me the strength and focus to go through labor, and to put away my fears of complications in order to do the work at hand.

Know you aren't alone with your fears. I truly wish that I grew up in a less-mainstream home/area/generation! If I had started out with knowledge, understanding and reassurance, I never would have planned on the hospital to begin with! Then, the fears wouldn't ALSO have to be me overcoming my fear of "what if the hospital could prevent..", but rather just general fears over the process. I had 2 hospital vaginal births, then had a c-section for a transverse baby at 38 weeks! I didn't even QUESTION! Then I had a forced repeat due to a VBAC ban, so the VBA2C and this homebirth have to be ALL on me for my lack of understanding and choices before..that's a lot to process and still be OK with letting God and my body control-not a hospital/OB.

Edited to say-this is also one of the biggest gifts I can give to our children..to show them that pregnancy and birth is natural, and doesn't have to be regarded as illness. I pray my family, particularly my daughters, are empowered to believe in the birth process and the God-given ability to birth, so that they aren't automatically compelled for hospital/OB care when their time comes.

Stay strong, have faith and be blessed in your birth!
post #22 of 22
I feel like our culture really rewards worrying. The idea seems to be that if you are worrying over something, then you have "really" thought about it. You don't feel guilty that you haven't given it enough thought.

I got so much flak from my family because I usually am an anxious mess, and I'm just so confident that this is the right choice for me. It is driving them NUTS that I'm not a worried mess. They seem to think that I'm not taking it seriously enough. When I shot back with the long string of possible complications that can happen, the percentages of probability, and the protocols for dealing with them, the family finally shut up. It was just beyond them that a person could research something, come to a conclusion, and be at peace. It's not something that as a society we see modeled for us, so it is foreign.

For me, before I got to this point, worrying made me feel like "I was being a good mom" b/c I was definitely weighing options, and the only proof that I had that I was doing that was the tight, tense, feeling of anxiety.

Once I realized that I didn't need the anxiety to be "a good mom" or "to make a good decision" it took practice to let it go. It took a lot of cheesy self talk "I don't need to feel anxious. It is ok if I want to do research, but the anxiety isn't giving me anything positive. I can let the anxiety go. I don't have to have all the answers."

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