can i just vent for a minute

[mamaflutter]

So I'm not sure if this is the right place for this or not feel free to move if needed and I appologize in advance if that's the case.
Anyway... I get to the salvation army to try to get help with my electric bill and there are a bunch of people in line allready no biggie. But when I get to looking arround all but about 3 cars in the lot including my 90 buick are damn near brand new! Then I notice the woman in the brand new shoes gold earrings chains designer purse! Wtf why r u here u got enough jewlery on for mr t and your trying to get help! I think if your doing well enough to be driving a new car and wearing sneakers someone else hasn't worn first you will probably be ok. Maybe its just cuz I'm pregnant and cold and grouchy but grrrrr! I just don't see how they can give help to people who can obviously get what they need and then some! I mean there are people here who really need the help u can tell but some of them I gotta wonder why not pawn some of ur gold to pay your bill and let those of us who have to choose between help with electric or water! I mean I figure at least with electrisity well be warm and can cook I can allways get jugs of water from a friend. Its been a bad month to say the very least and I am about to explode from all this stress! Ugh when is life gonna start being life again so I can enjoy it insted of being a big giant bundel of nerves!
Thanks I needed to get that out befor I got it out very loudly in an inapprporiate setting.
Candi mom 2 mj9 juje3 and baby still cookin!

[iowaorganic]

I am so sorry that things are so rough- no one needs that kind of stress. But I will also say that you can't judge a book by its cover. Jewelry can be fake- sneakers could be a gift. The car could be borrowed.

[Tummy]

I do agree with you. I have in the past had to ask for help and that is a VERY HARD THING TO DO! I have in fact had to ask a couple times, once for gas vouchers to take my infant to the cardiologist (2 hrs away) and again just recently for my electric bill. We got a month behind, the bank acct was behind, check bounced and the electric co charged us ANOTHER $479.00 deposit on top of our already outstanding $300+ bill (yeah, a lot of $ huh!) I have been there and it sucks. We are the family that has had to pawn things to get by since my husbands Harley shop went down the tubes! He has pawned his guns, which was a HUGE thing, he has sold all his motorcycles/dirt bikes, which was an even HUGER thing!

To see others standing in the same place you are, to imagine they may be in the same boat as you are... and to see them covered in designer clothes/gold/etc, it is, to me, even more of a smack in the face. After swallowing that much pride to go to such a place for help, seeing such, yeah, I would be upset also!

PLEASE LET ME ADD... I have some 'designer' clothes, that I bought at thrift stores, so yes it is possible to have nice things and NOT have $. I get that.


Maybe it was costume Mr. T jewelry...?

[AFWife]

I feel where you're coming from! And, to the PPs, yes some of it can be borrowed or fake...but I've heard of girls (pregnant with plenty of help) going down to get medicaid and telling each other, "Remember to hide your cell phone, wear old clothes, and have a friend with a clunky car drive you so they think you're REALLY poor. You get more help that way."

[AAK]

Originally Posted by AFWife

I feel where you're coming from! And, to the PPs, yes some of it can be borrowed or fake...but I've heard of girls (pregnant with plenty of help) going down to get medicaid and telling each other, "Remember to hide your cell phone, wear old clothes, and have a friend with a clunky car drive you so they think you're REALLY poor. You get more help that way."

This sounds bad, but I think that it would be a bit nice if they (people in general asking for assistance, not just pg teens) would get a ride with someone or "tone down" the wealth--even if it is previous wealth-- when asking for help. Mainly because it is irritating to see. I don't think that should really affect whether they "qualify" because some people do have things from previously "good financial times" that they will still have regardless. But, out of consideration for the people who are worse off, just tone it down a bit.

Amy

[enkmom]

Or maybe they are like my friend. Her husband just left her, taking all the money with him, and he is hiding from the court system. She is most likely not going to be able to keep her house, wonders how she is going to feed her son this week, is trying desperately to get more hours at her part time job, wondering how she can pay a lawyer to get a divorce, doesn't know where she is going to live... you get the picture. She is just as poor and frightened as you are, and "toning it down" while she begs for any assistance is, I promise you, the last thing she can think about at the moment.

Yes, her car and nearly everything else she owns is for sale at the moment.

[KatWrangler]

Originally Posted by enkmom

Or maybe they are like my friend. Her husband just left her, taking all the money with him, and he is hiding from the court system. She is most likely not going to be able to keep her house, wonders how she is going to feed her son this week, is trying desperately to get more hours at her part time job, wondering how she can pay a lawyer to get a divorce, doesn't know where she is going to live... you get the picture. She is just as poor and frightened as you are, and "toning it down" while she begs for any assistance is, I promise you, the last thing she can think about at the moment.

Yes, her car and nearly everything else she owns is for sale at the moment.

Agreed. We don't know the circumstances of the other people.

[cschick]

The other thing is, clothing, shoe and purse-wise, at least, what you see is not necessarily what it is.

The flea markets and even farmers markets around here are filled with stands selling knock-offs of designer goods, most of which look good enough to pass for the original for a little while (until they start to fall apart) but sell for a few bucks. All the women in my neighborhood carry "designer" purses, very few of which are actually real. And we're an upper middle class neighborhood.

My SIL has a whole collection of designer knock-offs--as she says, they look enough like the real thing.

[velochic]

I know it's hard to not think such things when someone doesn't "appear" needy. If you think about it more, though, if she really didn't need stuff from the salvation army, and she's as materialistic as you are describing her to be, would she be caught dead taking charity? Probably not.

So, either she is low-income and she's gotten these things from other sources (knock-offs, gifts, charity of some other sort), or she is now in dire straits and is wanting to keep the nice things to remind her of when money wasn't so tight. If she were to sell those things, she'd get a fraction of their cost anyway, and they may be worth more to her than the few bucks she'd get out of them. So, if at one point she were able to buy a nice pair of shoes, but now can't afford to even put food on the table, what would she accomplish by selling a nice pair of shoes to buy a used pair at Goodwill? Probably nothing. It's difficult to know a person's circumstances.

[HisBeautifulWife]

You don't know someones situation by appearances.

My parents give us so much stuff that we'd never be able to afford. That doesn't mean we are living in the lap of luxury.

Also sometimes people have a change in fortune. You can be on top one day and then everything comes crashing down the next day. Yet you still have your "stuff" from before. That doesn't mean you don't need help at the current time.

Likewise, I know a lot of "humble" looking people who are quite wealthy but you'd never guess it by their appearance and other factors.

I've found that when frustrated with certain things its best to focus on my own life and not the life that I assume others have. Because I can think of ways that things could be better, but I can also think of ways that they could be much worse.

[leavemealone]

I think there are a lot more people applying for assistance that wouldn't have been doing so even a year ago. We are some of those people. If you saw the cars we drive (not fancy, but nice), you'd probably think "Why do they need assistance?". Our cars were paid off in better times and we don't have loans on those. It wouldn't make sense to trade them in for a more frumpy car that may need more maintenance. We don't have super nice clothes, but we dress nicely, mostly due to clearance and sale racks and from clothing we already has before our financial situation changed.

However, our income has dropped big time and if I wasn't pregnant, I'd be out busting my butt on a evening shift job and going without sleep to help support the family. We are actually looking into the possibility of shifting responsibilities in our family this summer b/c I have more earning potential and having DH stay at home with the kids. That would get us off all assistance we are on now which is one of our top goals. In the end, it's hard to know by looking at someone if they are on assistance or if they are truly "needy".

[mamaflutter]

Belive me ladies I know looks can be deciving I know plenty of people that were doing good and everything went downhill. But when you are standing out in the cold and the woman in front of you is talking about her properties and renting out this place and that place then gets into her new car with new rims and tints you can't help but think why. Ykwim? I am in no way saying people in general haven't fallen on hard times the economy is in the crapper and the demand on thease orgs is extreamly high but come on. If you are there for help don't stand online and brag about all you have.
Hisbeautifulwife I try harder then you could know everyday to focus on my life and trying to get things better but it seems like everyday its something else gone wrong. I'm a mess my lifes a disaster and im just trying to make it untill tomarrow with out exploding! I really wasn't trying to offend anyone I just really needed to get that off my chest. I'm just so frusterated with life in general rite now, grrr. And hormones goin cokoo is not helping either.
Sandcastle I would love a job really I would take just about anything right now but there is nothing! I apply for just about anything I qualify for but so dose hundreds of other people just as eager to work. I have been at home since my daughter was born and what I was doing befor is not really an option, no insurance cos here. Also now that I'm showing though they would never outright say it not many places want to hire a preg woman they assume I will work for a few months and then they'll have to do this again. I also live right out side an army base and they have been bringing new troops like crazy and military families get "preferance" so its just another road block but I still try prob boardering on harassment. Lol.
I am sorry if I offended anyone I really am.
Candi

[Poddi]

Well, all I can say is gold earrings and designer clothes sell for very little second hand, even if they're real. I used to sell some jewelry for a bit of pocket money and I haven't managed to sell anything in the last few months. People are all toning down their spending and not buying luxury stuff. They might as well keep their favorite stuff if they're worth like $50 altogether and would be very hard to sell.

[kavamamakava]

i applied for assistance in 2009 when i had a 2006 explorer. i had no job, 3 children and no way to turn the car back in to get a cheaper one because 1. i was upside down on the loan, 2. i wouldn't qualify for a new loan on a cheaper car 3. if i just straight up turned the car in, i would be without a car and owe money to the company.

you never know about other people. it's a lot easier to just focus on yourself and what you need to do. the application process for assistance tries to take into account people's circumstances and just because someone is there applying for help doesn't mean they get the help.

[leavemealone]

Originally Posted by mamaflutter

Belive me ladies I know looks can be deciving I know plenty of people that were doing good and everything went downhill. But when you are standing out in the cold and the woman in front of you is talking about her properties and renting out this place and that place then gets into her new car with new rims and tints you can't help but think why. Ykwim? I am in no way saying people in general haven't fallen on hard times the economy is in the crapper and the demand on thease orgs is extreamly high but come on. If you are there for help don't stand online and brag about all you have.

Sandcastle I would love a job really I would take just about anything right now but there is nothing! I apply for just about anything I qualify for but so dose hundreds of other people just as eager to work. I have been at home since my daughter was born and what I was doing befor is not really an option, no insurance cos here. Also now that I'm showing though they would never outright say it not many places want to hire a preg woman they assume I will work for a few months and then they'll have to do this again.
Candi

I face the same issue with trying to get a job b/c I am pregnant. I also haven't worked a full time job in a number of years so overcoming that obstacle has been difficult. Apparantely, the 40+ hours per week I worked at temp jobs hasn't been enough b/c they weren't "real jobs" to most people I've interviewed with. There isn't much in my area either which is why we are looking to move this summer.

I do agree that people shouldn't be talking about all they do have if they are applying for assistance.