Anyone here homeschool an only child?

[insahmniak]

My daughter is 6.5 and I'm having concerns that I'm not able to meet her high social needs very well. Of course I've read for a few years now about different social avenues and I feel like I have pursued so many of them and they have all come up short for us. It seems like the local home school community is brimming with large families who are already quite busy keeping up with the needs of their children and don't have much need or desire for forming friendships with other families.

Just wondering if anyone here is navigating the home school scene with an only. I'm on the brink of abandoning ship and I have such mixed feelings about it all.

[skueppers]

This isn't something I'm doing myself, but I know quite a few people who are homeschooling their only children. At least 25% of the homeschoolers I know have only one child.

They navigate these waters by doing some or all of the following:

* Belonging to a co-op or field trip group.
* Participating in sports.
* Joining scouts, 4-H, etc.
* Organizing and attending park days, playgroups, games days, etc.
* Participating in a musical group (choir, orchestra).
* Taking organized classes.

This seems to be working out fine for them. I'm sure it depends in part on geography -- around here, most homeschoolers have 1-3 children, so folks may be more inclined to get out and meet people.

Good luck!

[mom2ponygirl]

We've been homeschooling an only for the past 6 years. While we have experienced occasional difficulties in keeping social outlets going, overall it has been a great experience. When we hit a spell of feeling disconnected, I've either looked for outside co-op classes or started a small group activity myself. Sometimes you just have to build it and let the other people come!

We have also actively supported an important friendship she has outside of homeschooling. Her best friend has always attended school and occasionally we are all so busy we go weeks without seeing her. They always reconnect and have a great time though. They've been friends for more than 5 years now.

[One_Girl]

My dd is an only and we have just started homeschooling. I bring her to a lot of activities, have her play in the YAC at the YMCA, we go to the older children's story time at the library, I am starting a girl scout group, and have started going to church and sending her to Sunday School so we can be a part of a community. We also go to the park a lot more now that it is getting warm. We do have a hard time doing play dates, but this isn't something that just started since we began homeschooling. She meets a lot of people and gets to talk and play a lot everywhere else.

[luvmy2girlz29]

I'm also hs'ing my 6. 5 yr. old dd. I belong to a very large Mom's group and have been a member for almost 4 years. We go to an activity with this group almost daily. I am the only hs'er in the group but I think since the kids are her age or younger it's not an issue for now. I do think we will out grow this group eventually so I am somewhat concerned we will lose an outlet for a daily activity. We are in 3 hs groups and 2 of them are very active. DD also has music class 1 x a week and PE for homeschoolers 2 x a month. This is my first year hs'ing so I feel I'm needing all of her social needs now and hope she makes more friends in the hs groups for the upcoming years.

Korrie

[Dakota's Mom]

My son is not an only. But there is 22 years between him and his next oldest sibling. All of his brothers and his sister live at least 1000 miles away from us also. So he might as well be an only. We are very involved with our local homeschool group. I guess it is a bit unusual because there are a lot of onlies in our group. There are also the families with four, five, or six children. But we all get along well. My son seems to be able to make friends easily. We went to an indoor play space the other day and he had friends to play with within 5 minutes of arriving. We do classes at nature centers and environmental centers on a regular basis. He doesn't seem to have any trouble socializing.

Kathi

[insahmniak]

I really appreciate all the replies. I'm in the Land of Larry Craig, where there honestly don't seem to be many secular home schoolers. It's easy for us to feel isolated. I've tried so many avenues, including violin, swimming, skiing, theater, etc. It feels really hard to break in, here. Either that or we're somehow socially sabotaging ourselves. It's hard not to get a complex about that! Maybe I could give it more time. But I honestly feel like I've run out of heart and energy for it. And I'm certainly running out of money. Putting her into different activities to chase down opportunities to build friendships is taking its toll on our finances. I've sought out lots of free stuff, too. Heck I even swallowed hard and took her to church - and I'm an atheist-leaning agnostic. She's very much involved in the community with the volunteer work I do, and spends quality time with our adult friends, but again that's something that's not her own.

I could give this social issue more time and try to work up another round of attempts, and I may do that. Her dad is pretty reluctant to put her in school. And I am too. But she's such a social person, spending her days pretty much with me alone. So it's hard to think keeping her with me all the time is the right thing to do. I'm feeling like as she grows she should have experiences that don't involve me. Experiences of her own. And that time is neigh.

I've just arranged for our local public school to do an assessment for admission to the gifted/talented program. I'm not convinced that's the best route to take. But I suppose I want to know what options we have in terms of public school options. Her dad is kind of freaking out about this change in plans. I'm trying to reassure him that it's not a done deal.

Riding lessons are one of my last resorts. It's something she's totally interested in, and it's very separate from me. That may take some creative financing, though.

Anyhow I'd appreciate any words of encouragement or, heck, you can be brutally honest, too. I'm looking for an answer, or a new perspective, or a kick in the pants. For some reason the prospect of putting her in school feels like leaping off a cliff. I have a very unsettled feeling about it.

[NightOwlwithowlet]

My son is an only child. He plays with neighbor kids 1-5 times a week, this varies with the weather, how he feels, our schedule and the social dynamics of the group. He has little use for the current dramas. He goes to an after school program through his martial arts program 3 days a week for 3-4 hours a day, his best friend attends too. He has a couple of play dates a week with friends who go to public school. He goes to a home school group every two weeks and a social skills class every other week. He also has music class at his old private school every Tuesday. Plus the time he spends with home schooled friends (often several hours a week) and the one week end a month he spends with cousins. I host biweekly movies nights for his friends.

Usually, I try for 15 hours a week or seeing other kids at least 5 days a week. The most important thing is they are positive interactions, unlike when he was in school. He's requested to try boy scouts next year.

[insahmniak]

I'm envious of those of you who seem to have your only's social needs met. We're actually flying across the country next month so she can spend three weeks with her six cousins. That's what it has come to. They are another large, religious-focused home school family. But it is my sister's family and she loves us.

There just doesn't seem to be a good fit for us in our community. Finding a non-religious -based homeschooling family that isn't already scheduled to the hilt feels like finding a needle in a haystack. And of course I'd be open to religious families, but they are quite unlikely to be open to us.

I should stress that my daughter has awesome social skills and she makes "friends" just great. After all she's spent most of her time around adults and has learned the ropes, so to speak. It's the parents who don't seem to be interested in getting the kids together beyond where they might meet infrequently, for one reason or another.

I'll have to try to get back out there. It almost feels like I'm dating....for my daughter. Ugh. So not fun.

[LauraLoo]

You aren't alone. I homeschool my ds, and my dd goes to school (her choice, and it works well for her.) So while my ds isn't an technically an only, he is without a sibling for a good portion of the day.

We struggle a bit socially for many of the reasons that you describe. We've also moved twice in the last 3 years, and are now in a neighborhood that's a little off the beat and track. Meeting neighborhood kids has been somewhat challenging since we don't always see the neighbors outside (we can't see them from our house and have to take walks through the neighborhood - which has been hit and miss - mostly miss) so we've been slower to meet any children his age. DS has made one very good friend in the neighborhood that he sees socially once or twice a month. I'm trying to up that as much as I can, but the boy is busy with afterschool activities and is gone all summer. Getting together with our HS group has been sporadic - most get togethers occur once a month, and sometimes the kids he gravitates to don't always come.

While my ds *loves* homeschooling, in the last month he has asked about going to school next year for strictly social reasons. DD will be in school all day, and ds is already anticipating that he will be lonely without her. Currently she attends K part day so they are together in the afternoon. I'm trying to do everything I can think of to find more outlets - just like you.

[zebra15]

My DS is homeschooled and he is an 'only'. Most days I WOH and he goes to the sitters so he is around kids but sometimes they are much younger for part of the day. DS doesn't mind, he is the 'helper' LOL. On Saturdays he takes a class at the University for gifted kids (6 wks in the spring, 6 in the fall). He also takes art when the university isnt going on. He wants to get involved in dog show training so that is a new avenue I need to explore.

The thing about PS I would be worried about in your case is if you live in a highly religious area wont there be mostly religious kids in PS as well?

Do you have a barnes and noble or borders in your area? they have great kids programs, so do libraries (especially the summer programs).

Things do get easier as the kids get older. DS is 9 and its easier than when he was 6