I NEED this child to sleep! (5.5 m old)

[Friendlee]

Does anyone have any ideas about WHY a seemingly healthy child would wake up SO frequently during the night. I'm talking every hour to hour and a half ever since she was born. I haven't slept for 3 hours since my early pregnancy. My body is slowly shutting down - I NEED SLEEP!

We cosleep, we don't cosleep, we have a sound machine, we gave her a bottle of formula a handful of times before bed, we started giving her some rice cereal, we've tried swaddling, she sleeps on her stomach, there's a humidifier going....all of these things help her to go right to sleep each night at 8:30 pm. She's out like a light...until 9:30. Then we sshh her back to sleep and she obliges...until 10:30. She's up again at 11:30...12:30...2:00 and so on. I sshh her (instead of nurse) each time until it's been at least 4 hours since her last meal (and then I will nurse because I figure she really must be hungry at that point). But I can't possibly be getting any amount of restorative sleep if I'm up patting her back every hour.

I didn't even mind all that much in the early months because I was assuming that sleep would improve as she matured. Several friends had babies after me and all of them are sleeping for 5-6 hour chunks at night, at least. I would kill for a 5-6 hour chunk.

WHY would a baby continue to wake up so frequently and WHEN will this show any ounce of improvement??? Anyone have any words of encouragement or any advice?

P.S. She's not even a good day-time napper. Naps are too short for me to even have a chance to wind myself down and drift off before she's awake again. (45 minutes usually).

P.P.S. My mom and dh are very willing to share the load and let me sleep...but I'm not looking for a quick break, I'm looking to improve my daily life so that my poor body can heal and get back to a normal level of health and energy.

[kdtmom2be]

It still IS early days dear! No advice, my first never slept through the night, she was up every 45 min or 1.5hours for the first 12 months, then things started to gradually improve. She's nearly three now, she is still up once or twice a night. Her little brother slept 6-8 hours at a stretch for a couple of months, then teething and crawling started and now he's up every 3 hours like clockwork. I gave up. You adjust to being sleep deprived and they DO outgrow it, eventually.

[Friendlee]

Originally Posted by kdtmom2be

It still IS early days dear!

Ha! Yeah, I suppose.

Well, I guess it doesn't make sense to me. It seems that mother nature wouldn't put a mother in a position where she needs lots of energy for vigilance and nutrition for nursing, but also saddle her with the least amount of sleep she'll ever get in her life. So many other things about pregnancy, birth and motherhood seem to be designed just right so that you can grow, birth and nurture your lo...but this, this doesn't make sense to me.

[nwatt]

If you figure out the secret, please share! My DD is 7.5 mo and up every 1-2 hours. She has had about three weeks worth of nights where she slept long stretches, but they are separated by months of sleeplessness. DD is very gassy and has a MSPI so we have started probiotics (today) to see if that makes a difference.

[atlantafemme]

You may just have a sleep challenged LO.

But have you ruled out reflux? I've heard that can cause frequent waking from birth b/c it flares up when babies are laying flat.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Oh how I remember those days. VERY VERY WELL. It was only a year ago mine was that age, andthats when things got REALLY BAD. And he still sleeps like crap! Not all the time, but nothing like his brother, thats for DANG SURE.

I would have to say if your having to get up every hour to pat her back to sleep, bring her to bed with you, or make a nest on the floor, and sleep with her attached to your boob if you can stand it.(I could handle it until about 11 months, then I just couldnt sleep with him suckling anymore) Honestly, if your looking to fix HER sleep, I am willing to bet that just aint gonna happen. Some kids are just crappy sleepers, PERIOD. It sounds like youve tried everything else short of an elimination diet to exclude any food sensativities.

5.5 months is still REALLY little to expect her to go 4 hours between meals. Mine was nursing every 3 hours round the clock, more during growth and developmental spurts.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Yeah to everyone else. Sleep while nursing, try nursing more often - 4hours might be too long. How well does she nurse during the day? At that age my ds hardly nursed during the day b/c he was way way way too busy doing other things. So he would catch up at night. You could try nursing more during the day (go to a quiet space if you must, or a darkened room even), really try to get really GOOD nursing sessions in every 2.5-3hours during the day and that might help alot.

I'm guessing the formula and rice cereal aren't helping much, so stop using those. Can you side lie nurse? That saved my sleep, literally, for MONTHS.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Friendlee

P.P.S. My mom and dh are very willing to share the load and let me sleep...but I'm not looking for a quick break, I'm looking to improve my daily life so that my poor body can heal and get back to a normal level of health and energy.

Why would your DH sharing the load have to be a quick break? Can't it be the beginning of a new nighttime routine? Can he take the first half of the night (and maybe give a bottle of pumped milk or 2) and you take the second half? Then each of you could get some good stretches every night.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by Friendlee

all of these things help her to go right to sleep each night at 8:30 pm. She's out like a light...until 9:30. Then we sshh her back to sleep and she obliges...until 10:30. She's up again at 11:30...12:30...2:00 and so on. I sshh her (instead of nurse) each time until it's been at least 4 hours since her last meal (and then I will nurse because I figure she really must be hungry at that point). But I can't possibly be getting any amount of restorative sleep if I'm up patting her back every hour.

Why do you wait four hours? Have you tried nursing her again at 9:30,10:30, ect? my 6 month old ds nurses frequently at night, but I think it might just be due to thirst. I myself wake up twice for water-- (live in a dry area). She might really ahve a physical need to get up that frequently.

[Baby_Cakes]

I would start nursing on demand at night -- meaning w/each night waking. It's really too early to nightwean, and timing feedings 4 hours apart for a 5.5 month old bf'ed baby seems problematic to me -- for both your supply and for your baby's health and development. Your baby could honestly be hungry - whether or not you're doing cereal, formula, etc. Or she could just need that comfort.

You ARE still in the early days, and I know that doesn't make you feel much better at all. But take comfort in the fact that things WILL get better. I can't tell you when or how, but they will. My DD (now 18 months) was JUST like yours. She rarely napped for more than 1 cycle at a time and woke just as often throughout the night.

Having someone else take even ONE nightwaking will make you feel like your quality of life has improved. Getting sleep makes all the difference. Take whatever you can get! <3

Good luck, mama!

[Friendlee]

Thanks for the responses, I'll try to clear a few things up.

*I actually have tried an elimination diet. To no avail.

*I wait 4 hours because she doesn't start showing signs of hunger until 4 hours into it and I've been warned against creating a "snacker". Also, she can easily wait 4 hours during the day before she seems hungry, but I do nurse on demand and she will grab at my boobs every 2-3 hours and so we nurse quite frequently during the day.

*I have tried nursing upon EACH waking...she wasn't hungry and would only nurse for comfort. So co-sleeping would seem to fix that...but it is impossible for me to sleep with her smooshed up against me. Arm falls asleep, crooking my neck so I don't smoosh her, holding my body just so and not rolling over so as not to wake her or rip the nipple out, etc. That option provides me zero sleep.

*I don't think she needed it for comfort because when she wakes, it's not fussy and crying...it's playfully babbling, smiling and cooing. (It's cute, but it keeps me awake).

*DH taking a nighttime shift brings up a problem someone else mentioned...I fear if she's hungry that often, my boobs won't get the message and then I'll produce less. I feel like I should nurse (or pump) as often as she is hungry. Plus, DH needs to get up and be able to work, including lots of driving and working around dangerous machinery. I feel like it's crucial that he's rested. Plus, when he has gotten up to try to do a feeding, I am awake anyway. We talked about having me sleep in the other room and he'd bring her to me, but we both agree that he is very likely to sleep right through if she cried and I don't want to put dd through that. (he's a very heavy sleeper).

*Lastly, no I have not ruled out reflux!! However...she doesn't really seem to show many signs of it. *shrugs* But it still might flare when she's lying down. We used to have her sleep in that Fisher Price rocker where it holds them at an incline and it's specifically made for babies who struggle with reflux. I actually brought it back out last night to see if it might help. It didn't.

I think that covers it. Sorry, I should have added those details to my original post.

[Friendlee]

I just want to add that I understand that this is too early to nightwean. I'm not at all suggesting that she sleep through the night. I fully expect to nurse her throughout the night. But waking every hour, especially when she isn't hungry every hour, is excessive. I can't possibly be an effective human being or maintain any level of adequate health waking every hour for a year's time. I don't see how anyone could. I can't imagine that nature would set things up that way. Everywhere I turn I hear about how important sleep is for your mind and body to function properly. I'm certain it's significantly important to a being that is sustaining a young life.

[atlantafemme]

OP, I totally understand how you feel like this can't possibly be right. But it's the experience so many of us have. My LO woke almost every hour from around 4-8.5 months. Before that he would sometimes only wake 2 or 3 times a night and now we're back to waking anywhere between 2-4 times a night at 10 months.

I spent every available minute during those awful months searching the nighttime parenting board and reading every gentle book I could get my hands on. I tried everything to get him to sleep longer except CIO but nothing worked. I eventually came to believe that some babies sleep easily and others do not. I have one of the latter. When I truly accepted that waking often was just how my baby rolled, I let go of my expectations of sleeping longer and adjusted. You can and will survive this, even though you may not feel your best on a daily basis.

This blog made me feel much better: http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/...aby-led-sleep/

[Friendlee]

Thank you, atlantafemme.

[NaturalMamma]

I'm afraid I don't have any wisdom, but I can really relate. (((big hugs))) At over 2 yrs old, our DD was still waking 5 times a night...and never napped. People always say, "nap when your baby naps" but if your baby won't nap... I would lie down with DD and hope she would fall asleep. Almost an hour later, I'd be drifting off and she would be wide awake. Then I'd have to get up and that was really hard b/c by then my body was so tired. By the time she was 2yo I just gave up even trying. Helping her fall asleep at night DH and I would rock/walk/bounce her, I would nurse her etc. Sometimes almost 2 hrs would go by and she still couldn't fall asleep. As a newborn she had reflux and continued to be colicky and inconsolable throughout her toddler years. Sleep deprived, I'd sometimes phone DH at work and beg him to come early. DD nursed until she was 4yo. I tried elimination diets (nearly starved myself) all sorts of drs visits, alternative therapies... It wasn't until her 3 yr well visit that they discovered she had a heart defect (she's had 2 surgeries since then) and that very well may have contributed to her lack of sleep/inconsolable behavior, though drs refuse to discuss it with me. Nobody knows how hard we had it.
I don't think anything serious is going on with your baby at all (esp since she seems content when awake). My guess is that she is just a lively type and is going to be a smart, alert girl. Eventually our DD was able to sleep solidly at night. She's 9yo now and sleeps like a rock (although falling asleep takes time b/c she needs a lot of wind down time) and she still sleeps with us. LOL And she's very observant, intuitive, energetic and smart. Yeah--perhaps you're going to have one of those *spirited* types. Not easy as a baby, but quite interesting as they get older.

[sh118]

Just wanted to send hugs. I know a bit about how hard this is. My little one (5.5 months) was doing the same thing (waking hourly, but not hungry), until we brought her into our bed last week. I know you have tried this and it didn't work for you
Hope you figure something out. Can you just keep sleeping in the morning?

[alfabetsoup]

Have you tried putting her to bed earlier? Like around 7? Strange but true, it makes a difference--seems the earlier my 2 girls go to bed the better they sleep.

And. When she wakes up, does she cry? Is she fully awake? Both my girls (even now at 3y10m and 20mo) cry out, laugh, talk etc in their sleep. I always count to 10 before I get up--never leave them to cry but if they're sleeping/not fully awake/going to put themselves back to sleep I'm not going to interfere.

Otherwise, if you're not going to feed at every waking, could DH go to her if you're not feeding? Sure he has to go to work in the morning but so do you--you can't be your best self if you're exhausted.

[Kmama2]

If she isn't fussing or crying when she wakes up what happens if you just let her be? Does she eventually fall back asleep or does she end up fussing? What about a side car crib arrangement? That way she isn't right next to you but you don't have to get up? Does she take a passy???
Ds was every 2-3 hours until recently he has started doing a 4 hour stretch. His room is upstairs so 3 or so times a night I haul my ass upstairs to nurse him back down..
You gotta figure somethng out. Every hour is insane...
Is she in your room??? Maybe you are waking her up when you roll over, move the covers etc??? Some people say it doesnt help but I found ds slept longer stretches once we moved him to his own room.
I am currently reading Sleepless in America... you should read it. Its very interesting. Its not a how to book and she is pro attachment parenting but talks about how important sleep is and has some suggestions of ways to help your lo sleep better.
Could she be over tired when you put her down?
Maybe an ealier bedtime and more frequent naps? Hugs!! I find the every 3-4 hours exhausting so I can't imagine how tired you must be.

[Critty]

I just finished reading the book Sleepless in America (even though I am Canadian - ha!) and it had some really good sleep tips for those of us with high sleep needs babies.

We have moved our DDs (10 months) bedtime to 7:30 and she is sleeping much better. Now she only wakes up for a feed at midnight and a bit at 4:30. Our bedtime routine begins at 6:30 and she is much more relaxed and sleep comes easier and she no longer wakes up all evening.

Daylight Savings Time has messed us up a bit, but if your child/baby has sleep issues, it is a great book to get into the whys. The author does not recommend CIO at all.

[Friendlee]

To answer some questions:

-We have a sidecar cosleeper, but I found it difficult to pick her up from a sitting position, so I detached the sidecar and now it is just right next to the bed with enough room for my legs to swing out when I sit up so I can pick her up at night.

-If I leave her in the cosleeper when she wakes (the times she isn't hungry) she is just kind of loud for awhile. And then, yeah, she'll start to get fussy. I much prefer to address it right away so I can try to get back to sleep. I have been very diligent though about really listening to her during her naps to decide if I should step in or not.

-She does take a paci. Doesn't need it to sleep, but it does comfort her and if I pop it in around bedtime, it seems to reinforce the sleepiness in her eyes and helps the process along.

Hmm...I am very interested in this earlier bedtime idea. So, she pretty much takes short naps all day long. She sleeps for 45 minutes, then is awake and playing for about 2 hours and nurses somewhere in there, then back to sleep for 45 minutes. Sometimes she skips the nap. We have no schedule, but I sort of follow the EASY steps (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You-Time). At any rate, she often takes a catnap around 6:30 or sometimes 7:30 anyway. So I'm not sure how to move her bedtime up to 7:30 if she's already going to bed at that time ya know? I mean, I don't know why I call 8:30 her bedtime now that I think about it. She still wakes up after an hour and would EASILY get up and play except that I don't allow it.

So would that be the only difference - keeping her in bed from 7:30 pm on? I don't forsee any problems with that except that her internal clock won't tell her she's quite tired enough for a full on bedtime. But if it works like it has for some of you other posters, then just maybe her clock will appreciate it! Too late for tonight, but I'll try this tomorrow!

Thanks!

Oh and I'll see if I can get Sleepless in America from the library.