SPD child -- if you have moved away from bini ... how

[Momma Aimee]

my 4 yo is

ADD (maybe)
SPD (most likely)
overly emotional / sensitive (for sure) -- maybe anxiety .. still working on that
has speech long term issue
very oral
very self limiting on food
and more

he has no ablity to self sooth -- -- all soothing -- is momma (me hold him, him hold my hair) and binki.

we have tried Maddie the Magic Moo Coew (stuffed cow)
we have chew tubes
i have offered fidget toys

i do not know how to transition him from binki to some other self sooth tool ...

he needs to be off the binki for speech ...also , come on he is FOUR at some point it has to go bye bye.

he doesn't "understand" trading the binki for a toy ... or anything "typial"

he had a 2 hour crying like his heart was breaking when i could not find one -- he scratched him self up -- it was not a "i didn't get my way fit" 9we have them too) it was a emotional break he could not handle --

i do not know how to transition him off binky, on to a differnt soother, and also how to teach him to self sooth ...

help

help

help

[LynnS6]

It sounds to me like he's not ready to give it up.

We restricted the use of the binky to certain places. So, ds got it in the car and upstairs in his bed. We he needed it, he'd go upstairs and get it. Eventually, this morphed into his sitting at the top of the stairs with his binky and blanket. When he was done, he'd throw it down and dash off. Eventually, the last one got lost. (It was about 4 1/2.)

For speech, I wouldn't let him run around with it while playing, but I didn't mind if he went to it when he was tired or cranky. I think if you could get him to give it up while playing, you'd have made a huge step forward.

After that, just assume that some day, he'll give it up. Maybe at 5, maybe at 6. (I sucked my thumb until I was a teenager.) But he won't leave home with it. And if he does, that's his problem, not yours.

[BetsyNY]

My 4-year-old is VERY similar to yours--very limited diet, SPD, emotional/anxious--and oh how I wish he still sucked his thumb! One morning he noticed how wrinkly his thumb was after sucking it, and he never sucked it again. Poor boo.

Anyway, like the PP said, he needs it. And with kids like ours, if something works to calm him down, work on restricting it to certain places/times instead of getting rid of it altogether.

[hadleys_mom]

I wish I had some insight for you but I'm in the same situation. My DD, 6 (yes, SIX!) still has a paci. She only uses it at night to help her fall asleep or after having a really overstimulating day. She was a 23 week preemie, is blind with SPD and hypotonia. She has trouble with regulation and is completely unable to self sooth. At 3.5 years old we tried to gentle remove the paci. She was up for at the moment but over the next two weeks she became a complete mess. It was like she was unable to center herself. She was angry all the time. She wasn't herself. After two weeks, we gave it back to her. Her therapist said that unless we can provide her a replacement item to help her sooth, don't bother taking it away. So far, everything we try to give her just gets added to her "need to have in order to sleep" routine. Right now that means, her paci, her dad's shirt that she sleeps in over her PJs, his shirt that she holds, a music box, her stuffed bear, a fleece blanket, and a weighted blanket. Nice thing is she goes to bed without a problem as long as she has everything!

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

It sounds to me like he's not ready to give it up.

We restricted the use of the binky to certain places. So, ds got it in the car and upstairs in his bed. We he needed it, he'd go upstairs and get it. Eventually, this morphed into his sitting at the top of the stairs with his binky and blanket. When he was done, he'd throw it down and dash off. Eventually, the last one got lost. (It was about 4 1/2.)

For speech, I wouldn't let him run around with it while playing, but I didn't mind if he went to it when he was tired or cranky. I think if you could get him to give it up while playing, you'd have made a huge step forward.

After that, just assume that some day, he'll give it up. Maybe at 5, maybe at 6. (I sucked my thumb until I was a teenager.) But he won't leave home with it. And if he does, that's his problem, not yours.

he doesn't have it playing. it is car, bed, on sofa "resting"

he will ask for it when he nees it (though more maybe than he does out of habit)

we are just struggling with speech so much, and i want to give him other self soothing options.

i am not so worryied about it for now -- a bit, but only a biut -- but i jsut don't see any new tools taking its place .. yk?

[jillmamma]

Don't know if this helps, but my DD is just a few months older, and still uses her thumb in all the situations your DS uses his binki. We have a new baby in the house too, so I am not pushing it much, but do sometimes gently remind her to remove the thumb if I feel she is just doing it out of habit and not comfort at the moment. I think in a year or two both will understand better and I bet will more easily be able to go without it. My sister was the same way, and pretty much gave up the thumb on her own at about age 6-6.5.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by Momma Aimee

i am not so worryied about it for now -- a bit, but only a biut -- but i jsut don't see any new tools taking its place .. yk?

New tools will come, but they will take time. Has he started OT? He's 4. That's still pretty young in the grand scheme of things.

As someone who is otherwise neurotypical who sucked my thumb for a long time, I don't see the harm in how he uses it. You've got a tool that works great -- don't mess with success!

[aris99]

I agree w/Lynn. My son is 6.5 and probably has OCD. He has TERRIBLE food aversions and sensory issues. He has anxieties through the roof, fears about everything. He can drink from a cup but he still finds comfort in drinking from a bottle a couple of times a day. That may shock some but it is the only way he'll take a nutritional drink that I make and it calms him down. My mom once asked me....what the difference was between a 50 yo man smoking a cigar and my son drinking from a bottle?! The cigar is far more damaging yet acceptable than my son and his bottle. Ironic huh? Nevermind your little one won't have his binky when he's 21....I understand your feelings though....sometimes I see my son w/his bottle and I wonder when he won't need it anymore....but then I wonder what will replace it...to me that's even scarier!