Anyone else with baby that will NEVER sleep alone? At all?? - Page 2

[almadianna]

YES x 2.

both my kids were like that. I managed to get two!!

[greeny]

Originally Posted by katmann

If you move, do you try to pat her down again? That usually works for us, but sometimes we have to pat for a long time.

I try to pat her down, but it usually doesn't work. I pat gently, but she just turns towards me and starts vigorously searching for my nipple with her head/mouth. Like a baby bird! It's really cute, actually, but I do wish the patting worked!

Originally Posted by katmann

When she gets sleepy at the boob, do you ever try to pull your nipple out before she's actually asleep (a la No Cry Sleep Solution)? That can help her to learn to go back to sleep on her own, and break the dependence of being asleep with the nipple in her mouth. It takes time and practice, but it has worked for us.

I do try this frequently, and it sometimes works, but usually within 20 minutes she's seeking out the nipple again.

Originally Posted by katmann

My only other thought is that she might be teething, which might make her sleep more lightly. Maybe some homeopathic chamomile tablets or teething tablets (like Hyland's) would help.

I don't think it's teething because it's been going on for months.

[greeny]

Originally Posted by TEAK's Mom

One thing that worked to give me enough time to get up and do a couple of adult things after she was asleep was to heat up a buckwheat pillow and slip out once she was asleep, putting the warm pillow in my place. That often bought me an hour or two.

Hang in there!

A buckwheat pillow, huh? Did you make it yourself? Where can I get one? I imagine it will be easier to get ahold of than a clone of myself, which is what I sometimes think i need!

Originally Posted by North_Of_60

The good news, is that at 4 years old she shows no signs irreparable damage from crying while sleeping in my bed but not in direct contact with me or latched onto my breast with me uncomfortably laying on my side. I wish I hadn't suffered as long as I did, but I was so afraid of causing irreversible damage by not doing everything possible to prevent any and all crying.

Don't get me wrong, I am adamantly against sleep training, but I will never make myself suffer like that again. Once I let myself sleep on my back she got used to me rubbing her back and hair, and just generally talking to her and soothing her. She still sleeps in our bed most nights, but I have no qualms about moving her over or repositioning myself.

Long story short; I don't think you'd be doing anything wrong at all by transitioning to a different sleep position or another form of soothing instead of having to be in direct physical contact all the time. You'll burn out doing that.

Attachment parenting is about forming HEALTHY attachments, and if you end up feeling burnt out and full of resentment that's going to translate to her. I really bought into the whole "never let them cry" thing, when I should have concentrated on why she was crying. I really regret the way I didn't take care of my needs when she was a baby. I think I really missed the point of what attachment parenting was.

I never wanted her to think I wouldn't come to her when she cried, or that I wouldn't feed her when she was hungry, or wouldn't cuddle her when she needed it, but looking back, I really treated all crying the same - something that had to be prevented at all costs. Once I realized that even after nursing, with a clean diaper, and a cuddle, and a nap, that she could STILL cry, and sometimes needed to, even with me right next to her rubbing her tummy or stroking her hair, things became a lot less stressful. I think I transferred so much bad energy and resentment that even though I was RIGHT there, it was useless because I was in so much pain and didn't want to be there that I just oozed a "get me the heck out of this position" vibe. Once I stopped being a self sacrificing martyr she actually started sleeping better.

I'm not against a little crying if she's fed, changed, etc. and I'm lying next to her but, maybe, not letting her comfort nurse all night long. But she goes from zero to hysterical in seconds. The kind of can't-breathe-through-the-screaming crying that is just too much.

Originally Posted by enfpintj

Looking back I wish I hadn't been so rabid about the whole AP thing because sleep deprivation can mimic depression, and I had it BAD. There are so many parts I didn't enjoy because I was too tired and grumpy. I really feel I burned myself out and could have done it better some how. I am too hard on myself anyway. I was much harder on my dd when my ds was under one. I would love to change that. so my advice is do what you have to do that makes it work for both of you, all of you. Sacrificing you is probably not worth it. You can still be compassionate with your baby and attached in many other ways.

I have to say, I actually feel really well rested. I think it's because a) I have to go to bed early because the baby does, so even though we wake multiple times, it's over lots of hours! and b) since I don't have to physically get up, I can sort of doze through all the nursing.

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

That's very very normal at that age. It will pass.

This is so good to hear!

Originally Posted by St. Margaret

Yes, I remember DD being like that for a long time her first year. She then got better and better. I'd try it, and it would result in a five minute nap, which sucked, but eventually she'd do 20 minutes and then I'd get in bed and read/nap with her, and that was good, b/c I got rest too that way, or did something for me (I love to read). It just happened gradually, and now she naps all by herself, and has for a long time, and she has gotten way better about nighttime sleep (on her own with maybe a quick cuddle mid-night) the past several months. I hope it helps, just hearing, that a kid can be a sleeper like that and it WILL get better and it won't take that long, likely. I know it feels like forever but we would just tell ourselves, as soon as we are about to break and go crazy, or as soon as we figure out/make peace with the situation, it will change. Sometimes every few weeks! Hang in there. If you're really resenting it, keep trying different things. I know I was actually fine with it for as long as it lasted, just needed to remind myself to not accept outside expectations to cloud my view of it, but NOW I know I would be crazy, and when things get crazy it crowds out the love, and that's no good! Good luck!

I'm not really at the "resenting it" phase just yet. But I'm definitely looking for ways to maybe slowly change things.

Originally Posted by Pepper44

One last thing, that some may not agree with on here...if you are totally desperate for a few evenings spent out of the bed (because believe me I know how depressing that can get!) you can always try your pillow turned long ways and a pacifier for comfort sucking. I had the problem where DD would smell my scent then try to latch on and wake up because she couldn't find me. A few hours of the pacifier at night was like HEAVEN...I could get away from her and breathe! I always took the pacifier out of her mouth when I was laying there, and we never got it out during the day...so it never became an issue of paci addiction.

Let me tell you, I have tried at least 5 different kinds of pacifiers. Cassidy loves to play with them and chew on them, but doesn't suck on them at all. I've tried sneaking them in instead of my nipple while she's sleeping, and she starts grumbling and waking up. :

I DO use the early bedtime for reading, so I am getting some alone time for literature. After she falls asleep, I turn on my headlamp (the kind spelunkers use - really!) and read for an hour or two.

[kdescalzi]

Op...my dd is 10mo and I am in the exact same position as you. She only naps in the ergo and has to sleep in my armpit on my boob all night long. Everyone keeps telling me to get her to nap on her own...duhh I would if I could. I have tried pacis which work for a few mins until she comes into a light sleep cycle and then she gets angry. I am right there with you. Most of the time I try to just be in the moment and go with her needs, but there are many evenings that I wish I had some time to myself. I do feel claustrophobic at times and my back hurts from side nursing all night long, BUT I really just don't know what else to do. I have only commiseration no answers.

[nicole528]

My 4.5 month old DD is this way too (sorry, no answers...only responded to commiserate as well!) She is asleep on me right now in the Maya wrap. If I tried to put her down, she would wake up as if an alarm went off (arms and feet flapping, head tossing)! We were able to get her to sleep for about an hour or so in her car seat at night. This was really great and DH and I would take advantage of our alone time. But this lasted only a month and now DD has regressed and is back to sleeping in arms only or next to me in bed. But now it is even worse...she kicks her arms and legs so much through the night now (never did this before). It's strange b/c she seems to stay asleep while doing this. I'm just not sure what is causing it. Anyone else have their LO do this and know of a solution to it? It's always comforting to 1) know I am not alone and 2) know that it will get better....at some point! Thanks everyone!!!
-Nicole, mama to DD (11/09)

[momtoTnT]

My youngest was like that - she slept only in my arms or touching me until she was 15 months old or so - and then she slept for like 1-2 hours at a time. She'd occasionally sleep on her dad/grandma/auntie/in her swing - but she she didn't like it one bit and let you know it. Then, at about 15 months, she started sleeping better. By 18 months she was sleeping through the night, and in her own bed - by then not only didn't she need me to sleep by her, she didn't want ANYONE to sleep by her. She's the best sleeper in our entire family now, as long as she has her space to sprawl out. LOL.

[boobs4milk]

me, too. and this is my 3rd touch/hold to sleep. dd1, dd3 and now dd4. she will not sleep anywhere but on me/on my boob and you can forget naps in the sling because she only like ffo!

dd3 still has to touch to sleep. it's a wonder we got pg at all! i had a tubal in dec and we have ddt 3 times since sept

[rhiasmum]

My two girls were/are great sleepers. Then we had our boy almost 6 months ago. He loves to use my breast as his pillow. He will not sleep in the crib. He will occassionally sleep in the co-sleeper but not for long. He would rather be next to me. Since he's my last one I'm trying to enjoy it but it can get frustrating at times (the whole sleeping on one side numbness thing). I too wonder if it will go on forever. Reading the replies here gives me hope he'll be out of my bed before he's off to college lol.

[stealthmode]

Ack, so glad I stumbled on this thread! I get all kinds of subtle judgment from my parents and ILs because my 2-mo DD naps on me in a wrap. I think THEY think that I'm turning her into a HN baby, but really, she's HN all on her own. She also does the 0-60 thing with crying--she becomes hysterical really quickly. Both my parents and my ILs have SEEN her do this, and yet I think they expect me to sleep train her. Right.

Thankfully, because we BW, I am still able to get things done without being chained to the bed. I really don't mind it so far, although I might change my tune in a few months! Anyway, no advice really, just wanted to commiserate a little.

[hollytheteacher]

with my ds i didn't even try to not be right there with him/touching him when he was asleep until he was 14 monthsish.

however he was/is my only child so it was easy....i'm not sure what it will be like next time!

[LollyMom]

Originally Posted by Treyson'sMommy

My youngest was like that - she slept only in my arms or touching me until she was 15 months old or so - and then she slept for like 1-2 hours at a time. She'd occasionally sleep on her dad/grandma/auntie/in her swing - but she she didn't like it one bit and let you know it. Then, at about 15 months, she started sleeping better. By 18 months she was sleeping through the night, and in her own bed - by then not only didn't she need me to sleep by her, she didn't want ANYONE to sleep by her. She's the best sleeper in our entire family now, as long as she has her space to sprawl out. LOL.

This story gives me so much hope! My DS is 13 months and is still sleeping in the bed with me... my DH has decamped to the couch since we only have a queen-size bed. DS wakes up at least 3 times a night to nurse and always wakes up and notices if I try to sneak away! How did you transition your DD to her own bed?

[momtoTnT]

Originally Posted by LollyMom

This story gives me so much hope! My DS is 13 months and is still sleeping in the bed with me... my DH has decamped to the couch since we only have a queen-size bed. DS wakes up at least 3 times a night to nurse and always wakes up and notices if I try to sneak away! How did you transition your DD to her own bed?

Well, we had an accidental transition

All 4 of us were actually sleeping in the kids room by this time (after all of us sleeping in our room in our queen size bed for a long time). In the kids room, we had a full size futon mattress on the floor and 2 crib mattresses next to it. Near the end of our time co-sleeping, I started having a lot of back pain from sleeping on the futon mattress.

After dealing with the back pain for a long time, I started waking up in the middle of the night and move to our room and DH would bring DD to me/come get me if she woke and NEEDED to nurse (vs. her usual wanting to nurse for a few seconds). After a very little while, she was sleeping through the night w/o waking at all. It was soon after that (maybe 2 weeks to a month later) that my DH was able to join me in our room. It helped that our kids share a room (and at that point) a bed. We still had to lay with them for (sometimes) up to 2 hours at bedtime until they were asleep, but once they were down, they were down. Now our bedtime routine is bath/teeth/story/drink, turn music on and shut the door. It took us 2 years to get to this routine, and I'm so happy we were patient enough to follow the kids lead on this one. Fighting with them just wasn't worth it!

She sleeps alone now, with her big brother on the top bunk. Ironically, he's the poorer sleeper of the 2 kids now and about 3 nights a week wakes and goes down to sleep with his sister. She makes him sleep at the foot of the bed though, so she can have all the room she wants LOL.